Things I would tweet if I did Twitter

If people spoke in the manner in which they typed, then 70% people on the internet probably sound like retards.

The mark of good text communication is the conveyance of voice.

Taking the middle urinal out of three urinals is always a dick move.

I wish more things were punishable by immediate death.

It would be awesome if remote-controlled retractable spike strips, existed to put on my far-off, preferred parking space.