The story: It’s Christmas Eve, and Santa Claus has a poor, achy back from his arduous job of turning a gigantic crank for apparently all year long, while a workshop full of slave labor elves actually seem like they’re the ones doing all the making of the toys. Addled Santa endures pain while putting on his outfit, delivering toys, and traversing snow-covered rooftops.
In one particular home, a father’s late-night masturbation session is interrupted by Santa’s home invasion, but seeing him in obvious pain, he discreetly slips onto the table the bottle of Aleve® that he was using to help desensitize himself and last longer (paraphrased). Surprised, Santa does not hesitate to wolf down some over-the-counter drugs that some stranger left for him to take, but fortunately his trust is rewarded with fast, effective pain relief.
The commercial ends with Santa back at his sweatshop in the North Pole, and with his back pain numbed, he begins studiously working for next year’s Christmas as the countdown ticker in the background resets to 365 days away.
The takeaway: Santa Claus is now addicted to Aleve pain pills.