The worst-case scenario bowl

If anyone were to ask me who I would want to win the Super Bowl, I would go all Socrates on them, and ask them, “do you remember that scene from The Dark Knight Rises where Bane detonates all the gunpowder-laced concrete, and it destroys the ground underneath the football stadium, killing two entire football teams, except for Hines Ward who outruns all of it en route to scoring a kick-return touchdown?”

And when the response is obviously yes, because I probably wouldn’t associate myself with anyone who hasn’t seen The Dark Knight Rises, then I would say that that’s precisely how I would prefer this year’s Super Bowl to end up, except I don’t want anyone to score a touchdown at all, and would prefer that the kick returner just narrowly fall short of the end zone and fall to his death a step short of scoring.

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