When the pen is truly mightier

It’s extremely difficult to use that phrase without thinking of SNL, but honestly in a potential case like this, there’s really no phrase that is more succinct or accurate to the situation.  Basically, because six redneck state reps are so eager and desperate to have guns be allowed on Georgia campuses, they neglected to have any proofreader go over their revision to the Campus Carry bill, and let it fly with a pretty ambiguous word choice, that if the bureaucratic process works the way it does both ways, could effectively kill it.  Again.  Until the next time it pops back up.

Long story short, because of improper use of commas, there is a sentence that suddenly becomes very vague, ambiguous and is subject to having numerous different definitions, subject to the eye of the beholder.  Yeah, as often as it unfortunately does pass, the law really shouldn’t be one of those things that’s supposed to be vague and up to interpretation:

Not apply to faculty, staff, or administrative offices or rooms where disciplinary proceedings are conducted.

The ambiguous line in its entirety.  Anyone notice where it seems weird?

Basically, it’s a weird double-clause, and even a potential double-negative.  Smarter people than I have deduced that there are potentially eight different ways this line could be interpreted; from what I can tell, some of the more humorously ironic ones would be:

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Derek Jeter would make an interesting owner

Impetus: Group which includes Derek Jeter has reached agreement to purchase the Miami Marlins for $1.3 billion dollars

Granted, this doesn’t mean anything yet because nothing in Major League Baseball is done at a reasonable amount of time, and there will need to be a laundry list of approvals and votes and other time-sucking tasks before anything can be made official.  But given the two options of keeping the Marlins in the hands of Jeffrey Loria, one of the most loathed personalities in baseball, or transferring them to for all intents and purposes Derek Jeter, one of the most beloved and revered players in the modern era, I think it’s a safe bet that Yeah Jeets is going to end up owner of the Marlins fairly soon.

I feel like I shouldn’t forget to mention that among the $1.3 billion dollar group is former Florida governor Jeb Bush, who is notably a member of the Bush family which included once-unpopular amongst the left former President George W. Bush, because he is a notable name, despite the fact that I’m fairly ambivalent when it comes to politics.  Jeb’s pretty well synonymous with failure and coming up short in his own right, but if there was ever anyone who has made his entire living of lifting the inadequate and carrying scrubs to victory, it would be Derek Jeter.

Ultimately, when Yeah Jeets ends up taking over the Marlins; the media can try to downplay his role in the group all they want, everyone knows that he’s the only one remotely qualified to make any sort of actual baseball decisions, it will be interesting to see what kind of owner he actually ends up becoming. 

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It looks like Darth Maul had sex with a stormtrooper

Debuting in America twenty years too late: Introducing for the first time in America, the Honda Civic . . . TYPE-RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I almost said ten years when I really meant to say that I would’ve been really excited about this news twenty years ago, but honestly, I’d probably have been more excited when I was 25 too.  God damn I’m fucking old now.

But regardless of my age, for all intents and purposes, the Civic Type-R is finally coming to America.  17-22-year old me would be ecstatic about this news, and swear to somehow manage to save enough money to be able to get one but ultimately fail miserably when other life priorities emerge.  25-year old me might consider this as a hard want, but eventually deduce that it would be a fiscally irresponsible decision and stick with their completely paid-off car until it eventually died.

And 35-year old me simply brogs about it, injecting wit, snark and saracasm that I think appeals to way more people than it probably actually does.  All six of them.  Well, zero, considering my site’s been down for over a year now.  Whatever, I’ve never stopped writing, even to a non-audience.

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This one was to send a message: “Suspicious package” near the Howell Mill Road exit leads to shutdown of I-75 southbound during the heart of the morning rush hour.  There is no MARTA alternative route coming from this direction.

This one’s for you, Cobb County.  For those of you who aren’t necessarily savvy to Atlanta county-isms, despite the fact that it would make more sense than peanut butter and jelly, Cobb County absolutely refuses to allow MARTA into its hallowed county lines.  To the point where MARTA rail almost patronizingly skates on the county line as it goes all the way up into the northern part of Fulton County.

Don’t believe anything else you may or may not care to inquire about why Cobb refuses MARTA, and just know that it has entirely everything to do with the simple fact that Cobb County does not want black people to have rail access into their sacred communities.  Because nothing is more synonymous with scary, scary colored people and their definitive crime that they will in fact bring, than rail access.

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San Francisco Giants fans are kind of the worst

TIME TO DO THE FIST PUMP: Giants ace pitcher Madison Bumgarner goes on the disabled list with shoulder injury suffered from dirt bike accident on a day off, unhappy fans take to Twitter to passive-aggressively air out their disappointment through bad jokes

Most of the time, when it comes to sports teams, I can change my allegiances at the drop of a hat.  I can dislike a team because they always beat up on the teams I like, or I can turn around and like a team because they acquired a player that I think is a good guy, and I want to support them.  I used to be a Knicks fan growing up, and now I laugh at the Knicks and their futility today.  I once couldn’t stand the Chicago Cubs because their fans sold out Turner Field all the time, and I rooted fervently for demi-god Albert Pujols and the St. Louis Cardinals against the Tigers and Rangers in two separate World Series, but I cheered for the Cubs last season because they had David Ross and I wanted to see him go out a champion, and rooted against the Cardinals because I was simply over them and their constant “playing the right way” rhetoric.  I loathed the Houston Astros for the longest time, because they always seemed to be a thorn in the side of the Braves, but now with their roster including Brian McCann and Evan Gattis, I’m pulling for the Astros to succeed in the American League.

But if there’s one team that I’ve never liked, it’s been the San Francisco Giants.  I don’t really know where the animosity begun; maybe it was Barry Bonds in his more standoffish asshole days when he was a living steroid clobbering tainted home runs left and right.  I don’t even like the San Francisco 49ers either, maybe because of childhood memories of asshole friends picking them in Tecmo Super Bowl and causing legitimate beefs.  Honestly, I don’t really like the Golden State Warriors either, because I have a hard time not seeing the joke team of the 90s, that was always the forgotten fourth California NBA franchise behind the Lakers, Clippers and even the fucking Kings, and I resent that they’re now the darlings of the NBA now.

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Black Mirror is the best show I’ve seen in a while

Recently, I just finished watching all episodes of Black Mirror on Netflix.  It still seems weird to say it, but I think it’s the best television series I’ve watched in a long time, because it’s one of those series that this opinion didn’t really formulate until I had some time to think about and process the episodes, and then I realize that I’m spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about the show and coming to a slower realization that it really a god damn good show.

I think the best way to describe the show, other than the fact that every episode is pretty self-contained and nobody has to watch them in any particular order, but the stories told, the concepts used, and the twists in the plot, they stick with you.  Seriously, the last time a show stuck with me so hard was Parks & Rec, which is a hilarious comparison to make, given the fact that Black Mirror is pretty much the polar opposite of Parks & Rec in almost every conceivable way.  Yet I favor both shows tremendously, in spite of their dramatically differing places on the spectrum.

Black Mirror should come with a trigger warning however, because they certainly seem to hit notes on a regular basis that, at least for me, that manages to trigger a fear, anxiety or line of thinking that is part revelation, part discovery, and part oh shit.  Regardless of that, I think that’s what makes the show such a unique program, in the fact that they so regularly manage to accomplish those kinds of emotional responses, which I think is ultimately what show creators should aspire to be getting.

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Good guy Aaron Hernandez?

Feeding into the whole notion that NFL Network Ocho AKA ESPN only cares about the NFL above all else, I was peeved when a good weekend of baseball, and hell even basketball was derailed by the frantic news of known asshole and murderer, Aaron Hernandez’s death.

Now I’m not going to pretend like I’ve bothered to go in-depth into all the details, because when the day is over, I couldn’t possibly give two shits about Aaron Hernandez, and at a first blush situation, I think it’s better that he’s dead, because he’s one less deadbeat that the country and its tax payers have to worry about sustaining inside of a prison, where he serves absolutely no purpose or benefit to the rest of the world.

My first thoughts were that since the death happened pretty quickly after he was somehow acquitted of the double-homicide charge that he was partially in prison for in the first place, I figured some prison guards or rogue law enforcement basically beat the guy to death, made it look like a suicide and called it a day, to prevent the guy from actually getting out of incarceration.

But this is a case where not knowing all the facts makes me look foolish, because although he was acquitted of the double-homicide, he was still going to be serving the rest of his life sentence for the supposed single-homicide that he was also accused of.

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