Now this is a tragic spill

Unfortunately, it didn’t happen in Georgia, so it can’t be the mother of food payload spills, but it still warrants a few words, just because of how tragic it is.  But a truck full of DiGiorno and Tombstone frozen pizzas tipping over and spilling its delicious cargo all over the highway?  That’s a god damn shame.

Seriously though, I’ve often waxed poetic about the sequence of trucks spilling on Georgia highways making some sort of mythical banquet, but just about every combination of things from Georgia’s list would pale in comparison to a gigantic, Cici’s Buffet-caliber buffet of frozen pizzas.

Because pizzas are among the world’s most perfect foods, encapsulating everything into a fairly compact and often well-combined entrée, and considering no utensils are necessary, once you get the pizzas, all you really need are occasional beverages.

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When kids make grown-up money

When I was in the fifth grade, I was a huge Mighty Morphin Power Rangers fan.  This was one of those things that publicly amongst my school peers, I kept under wraps because that shit was for kid-kids, i.e., the ones in the third grade or younger.  Yet I was still captured by the campy acting, bad voiceovers and the fight footage more sliced and spliced together than a Kardashian.

I even learned how to program my VCR timer because of Power Rangers, because the show always came on at 2:30 when I didn’t get home from school until like 3:45.  That’s how much I grew to love Power Rangers, that I forced myself to learn things in order to enjoy a mindless and stupid kids show.

That particular winter, when Power Rangers really began merchandising, I decided that I really wanted a MegaZord and/or a DragonZord.  I wasn’t necessarily a Transformers or Voltron fan, but I loved the Transformers/Voltron-like manner in which the Zords transformed and connected together, and I really, really, really wanted some Zord toys of my own.

Unfortunately, this winter was the winter when Power Rangers toys were the hot item for the holiday season.  The equivalent of Tickle Me Elmo, Furbies, hoverboards, NES Classics, or whatever that one thing is during each holiday season in which there aren’t ever enough of, and the demand becomes so great, it achieves a modicum of mainstream attention at just how hard it is to get them, perpetuating the cycle of unavailability to the next level. 

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