WTF is AEW doing #302

I’m not entirely sure if Tony Khan thinks he’s being clever, subtle or he’s flagrantly doing it on purpose, but pretty much every wrestling fan on the planet knew that BIG BU$INE$$ in BO$$TON was going to be the debut of Mercedes Mone.

Say what you will though, I’ve been critical about Mercedes over the last year and change, but I’m also critical because I care.  I was a fan of Sasha Banks, dubious in which the circumstances she left under, but happy to see when she re-emerged in Japan, won titles there, and even predicted her inevitable path that would take her to AEW.

And as much as I like the work possible by guys like Will Ospreay and Kazuchika Okada, their arrivals in AEW didn’t really make me stop what I was doing and carve out time to see them.  But knowing that March 13th, BIG BU$INE$$ FROM BO$$TON was going to be the arrival of Mercedes Mone, I made the conscious effort to carve out time from my generally time-starved life, to tune in and watch, because I was looking forward to seeing Mercedes Varnado, back in professional wrestling.

However, having watched BIG BU$INE$$, my thoughts were making these posts pondering whatever the fuck AEW is doing, because I just have a hard time wrapping my brain around their general MO.  I get that I probably fall into the category that’s been so indoctrinated with how the WWE operates, that anything alternative to it just seems rather perplexing, but I’ll also say that I had no problems being a fan of WCW and ECW and to some degree, old NWA-TNA back before the days of Impact.  In fact, I’m still a fan of Impact now that they’re back to being TNA, but it’s just AEW, and now the AEW-controlled Ring of Honor, that I’m just so often scratching my head about. 

I want to like the product as their diehard fans do, but there’s just so much going on that I can’t find the ability to be a fan of the promotion as a whole as much as I just like cherry-picked aspects of the company, like Toni Storm, Will Ospreay, Daniel Garcia, and my growing respect for Orange Cassidy.  And I think it’s very amusing that the some of the guys that are doing the best work for the promotion, are all former WWE hands, like Storm, Christian, Swerve and Samoa Joe.

But back to BIG BU$INE$$, it was obvious the entire show was produced structured around Mercedes getting to open the show, as well as close it out.  Because in no logical reality should a match between Willow Nightengale and Riho be the main event of a show, especially one that had Samoa Joe vs. Wardlow and Jay White vs. Darby Allin on the card.  There are three former TNT champs, a former IWGP champion, and the current AEW champion, and they all played the undercard, just to ensure that Mercedes Mone got to close the show out, even if it meant main eventing a match between two girls who were literally Ring of Honor dark match talent not even a full year ago.

Now I was happy to see Mercedes, but I couldn’t help but feel like the arena wasn’t doing her any favors.  I felt like the acoustics in the arena murdered her entrance music, it was hard to hear the crowd actually chanting C-E-O for her, and when she got on the mic to speak, the echo sounded as if the Boston Garden hadn’t updated their equipment since Greg the Racist Valentine cut his scathing promo with terribly racist undertones. 

She cut a good promo, gave love to Eddie Guerrero, and it will be interesting to see how things transpire, because in AEW there’s either really good workers (Toni, Britt, Purrazzo) and then there’s everyone else.  This won’t be like CM Punk coming in to a sea of talent, Mercedes will have to put on her carry boots on every night, and it’ll be telling to see how she measures up to this responsibility.

Again though, I don’t think it was right to structure the entire show around ensuring Mercedes got to close out the show, especially with the talent they lined up in order to make that happen.  I know the logical program is to work in Willow Nightengale since it was her that Mercedes got hurt against, but she’s still green as baby shit, and I can’t imagine that Mercedes isn’t going to have some PTSD having to work with the person who basically cut her entire NJPW deal short.

But then again, this is why this series of posts is titled what they are, because when the day is over, I really have no fucking clue to what AEW is doing.  And because of that, it really doesn’t matter if they have Mercedes Mone, Kazuchika Okada, or even Will Ospreay, unless they find the magic formula that gives them logical, watchable weekly programming, on top of their propensity to put on above-average pay-per-views, they’re never going to be seen as a superior product than the WWE.  I know they and their brainwashed fans insist that that’s not what the goal is, but everyone knows that’s full of shit.  They all want to have their cake and eat it too, which is that they need to be the #1 promotion, so they can all revel in being #1; but it’s never going to happen if AEW continues to operate in the manner that basically makes AEW, AEW.

WTF is AEW doing #301

Originally, I was planning on carving out some time to write about WTF is AEW doing after the debut of Kazuchika Okada on a seemingly random episode of Dynamite.  But with the impending arrival that nobody could see coming in Mercedes Mone, I decided to wait until the episode aptly subtitled BIG BU$INE$$ passed by, so that I could actually watch the product for the first time in a while before passing judgment onto it.

But going back to Okada, the man was basically the John Cena of New Japan Pro-Wrestling, the ultimate good guy character, highly decorated, and a strong worker, and it was a big deal in the wrestling community when news started bubbling up that his contract with NJPW was coming to an end.

Frankly, I figured he was going to re-sign with the company because it would be a great folly for any promotion to lose their flagship player, but news started emerging that he just mentally done with Japan, and wanted to take his talents abroad to America.  I thought it was a pretty even jump ball on whether he’d go to the WWE or AEW, but really it he was AEW’s free agent to lose.  I just thought that there was a chance he’d come to the E, because love them or hate them, the WWE is still the top of the mountain, and a career can hardly be called a career unless you’ve participated in Wrestlemania, and considering Okada was basically NJPW Jesus, you know money isn’t so much his drive as it is honor, accolade and legacy, and if really wanted those things, he would have to go to the WWE.

But as frequently boasted on the internet as well as, on-screen, AEW gave Okada 14 million reasons to come to AEW instead, and he’s also using his general comfort and familiarity with many of the workers, the infrastructure he got to see during the last two Forbidden Door shows, and Kazuchika Okada is poundsign-ALLELITE.

So naturally, they take the guy who’s basically never been a heel in his career and immediately align him with the dastardly power-tripping EVP version of the Young Bucks, and bring out Okada to be, a heel.  Sure, this will allow the Bucks to be his mouthpiece to make up for his weak English, but they’re already taking a guy out of his comfort zone and presenting him to an audience that they’re grossly overestimating at their knowledge of Okada, as this asshole from Japan who’s doing everything for the money.

And in a promotion that has Bryan Danielson, Jon Moxley, Claudio Castagnoli, PAC and Chris Jericho, among other notably active strong workers, Okada’s first feud appears to be against Eddie Kingston, a current triple-blet holder, that I personally can’t get over his sheer lack of physique and general not looking like a wrestler, to take seriously as one, but AEW fans seem to be really high on him, because I guess he gives okay promos, but still, I feel like it’s a real bumpy start for a guy the caliber of Okada, to come in and steamroll the generally well-protected Kingston.

Which in itself is going to be interesting, because Kingston has been beating reputable guys left and right over the last few months, including most of the names listed above, and it’s very apparent that he’s going to roll over for Okada, and frankly much like FTR a year ago, I think his run with multiple blets is coming to an end, as he’ll probably drop his whatever blet against Okada, followed by the ROH World Title to the still-sentimental favorite Mark Briscoe.

All I really know is that while watching BIG BU$INE$$ where there was a six-man tag match with Okada and the Bucks against Kingston, PAC and Penta, I almost fell asleep.  Sure, a lot has to do with my general lifestyle and always being tired on account of work and parenting, but also the fact that the match made little sense in terms of storyline.  I get that they’re kind of easing Okada into the promotion by having him do tag matches and learning what the crowds and the full-time AEW atmosphere is like, but they’re also putting out boring-ass product in the process.

It’s clear Okada has no idea what he’s doing as a heel, because his trademark music hits, and the guy just walks out like Dean Malenko without any of his posing or grandstanding he did as NJPW’s Rainmaker, and he just looks really lost out there.  And frankly a match with as much talent in the ring as this one was on paper, should not have been as boring and meaningless as this was.

Honestly, as big of a deal as Okada’s migration was on the internet, AEW somehow managed to take the biggest star of Japan, and somehow make him look like a luxury cog in the machine.  I feel like Shinsuke Nakamura’s transition into the WWE is the blueprint of how to bring an import over, and I feel like AEW grossly overestimated their audience’s familiarity with him, because I’m going to go out on a limb and assume the casual AEW fan doesn’t know who he actually is at all, and now they’re seeing someone who’s just kind of performing mid, and will have to dig out of a hole to earn the respect of the causals.

Turns out that I did have a lot more to say about Okada than I thought I did, because I feel like I’m at a good stopping point for this post, and can take some time later to opine on Mercedes Mone, because as critical as I’ve been about her over the last year and change, I still am a fan of hers and want to see her succeed, and on that same note, I’d rather have a post about Mercedes be solely about Mercedes, and not be buried behind a wall of text about Okada.

Angel Hernandez already in mid-season form

..is the obvious line that 80% of the vested internet has utilized in some shape or form, but honestly there’s really no better way to explain how MLB’s best-worst umpire managed to eject a player, twice, in a single Spring Training game.

In short, St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Lance Lynn is ejected from a no-stakes spring training game for daring to have the audacity to question the strike zone of the routinely worst-rated umpire in MLB, Angel Hernandez.  Angel, who is as soft as airport single-ply toilet paper, demonstrates his constitution by throwing out a veteran player from a meaningless Spring Training game, instead of perhaps laughing or having a little fun in a game that does not matter.

Obviously, a fat veteran like Lance Lynn probably couldn’t care any less, but understands that he still had a job to do on the day, which was to throw a set amount of pitches, as part of some Spring Training throwing routine he’s probably utilized forever, considering he in his 13th MLB season, so instead of hitting the showers early, he trudges over to the bullpen to get his throwing done.  Apparently Angel Hernandez saw an opportunity to phish out some more attention, so instead of letting a dead horse lie, he flexes on Lynn some more, and demands that he also leave the bullpen and get the fuck off his field outright.

At this point, it’s apparent that Lynn is annoyed, and that’s probably the intent that Angel wanted, and it probably annoyed the piss out of him that Lynn didn’t seem to care about getting the hook from the game, but now that he’s going to have to go out of his way to finish his work or cut it short outright, it is rightfully an annoyance, and that’s obviously what Angel wanted to get out of him, because it really is what Angel Hernandez lives for.

This is all just hilarious because every baseball fan and their mothers all know that Spring Training games don’t count for shit, and are nothing but ceremonial cash grabs for MLB teams to rake in tourism dollars, while players and personnel get glorified paid practice time.  Sure, umpires need a little time too, to perhaps iron out any modifications in the rule book, see real-time use of the updated pitch clock, but the strike zone is something that is for all intents and purposes, unchanged from year to year, minus the personal subjectivity that every individual umpire has.

Angel Hernandez tossing anyone out, much less once, is a testament to just how soft the guy is, and just how much he craves and seeks and does whatever it takes to garner attention onto himself, regardless of just how much he vehemently denies doing such.  There are reasons why he’s pretty much the most well-known umpire in the game, and for all the wrong reasons, and it’s always a redundant question every season how he somehow manages to have a job year in and year out.

Much probably has to do with the long-standing, reoccurring lawsuit he has against his own employers, citing racial discrimination, and the sheer headache that MLB probably wants to avoid by keeping him employed versus the mountains of litigation he’d bring down on the league if they were ever to fire him.  It’s like he’s basically holding a gun to the head of MLB to ensure that he maintains his employment, no matter how grossly unqualified he is to keep it.

No matter, it’s not that I really care about this so much as it’s just ironically funny whenever Angel Hernandez’s name gets brought up.  Usually it’s not happening in the springtime unless it pertains to his lawsuit, but in Angel’s world, there’s no time that shouldn’t be Angel’s time, so it really shouldn’t be a surprise that if there was going to be one noteworthy ejection that happened in Spring Training, of course it was going to be done by Angel Hernandez.

TIL  that the Hound was also Lurch

I don’t know why, but for whatever reason, I’m getting a tremendous amount of Game of Thrones clips being fed to me on social feeds.  Perhaps it’s because of the announcement of House of the Dragon’s second season is coming in the summer, I don’t know.  I definitely fall into the category of fans that were largely unimpressed with how the television series came to an end, but seeing a cavalcade of GoT clips from seasons before the ending, did remind of just how brilliant the show was prior to its conclusion.

It almost makes me want to marathon the entire series all over again, but after watching eleven seasons of Shameless in short order, I’m definitely not wanting to commit a ton of television time on something that I’ve already watched before, especially since my queue of things to watch is already about three year’s worth of content long, so I’ve been fairly content to just scroll and imbibe on short clips for the time being.

I would say that throughout the show, I tended to favor a lot of the side characters over the core cast.  I’m basically pegged as House Stark until I die, but really, my interest and enjoyment of the show always revolved around the happenings of characters that weren’t necessarily from one of the great houses, like Bronn, Brienne, and Sandor Clegane.

And speaking of the latter, one of my many favorite scenes from the show would be the part where Sandor and Arya go into a tavern, and come across several shithead Kingsguard soldiers, and the Hound basically goes on a diatribe about eating chickens and it culminates with him, and Arya killing all of the soldiers, with Arya getting her sword, Needle back from the one that captured her and murdered one of her friends.

But it was in this clip that I did notice a comment from another viewer that posted a screen grab of Lurch from Hot Fuzz, and making some remark that made the connection that the Hound was Lurch.  No fucking way was my knee-jerk reaction, but it’s also something that I never thought about before, and staring at the picture of the dim-witted heater of the Sandford Neighborhood Watch, I begin to really see that there’s a possibility.

Of course, next game Googling Rory McCann’s film and television history, and sure as shit, confirmation that Game of Throne’s Sandor Clegane was definitely the same guy who played Lurch from Hot Fuzz.

Color me amused; the same guy who was Lurch, just so happened to be one of the sneakiest, underrated and complexly most developed character in the entire Game of Thrones television series

Yarp indeed.

#TRYHARDSZN2024: At least he picked an Ivy

Eyeroll: Chicago teenager accepted into six Ivy League schools among others; chooses Harvard

At first, I was about to go ha-ha about how he only got into six of the Ivy League schools, but supposedly this kid only applied to just six of them.  For whatever reason, he did not apply to Brown or Dartmouth, and my thought is that those are the two Ivies that are probably a little too far up north in New England for a black kid from Chicago to feel any comfort at, should he have gone to either of them. 

Still though, going six-for-six on the Ivy League schools he did apply to, yep, that’s still #TRYHARDSZN2024.

Stanford and Morehouse were also named as schools he applied to, and were accepted into, but they do say and more, so we have no definitive number of just how many schools he applied to, and were accepted into, but it’s irrelevant because he still went after 3/4th of the Ivy League and that alone is enough to make any kid a mega tryhard.

The thing is though, in most of these cases, a lot of these mega tryhards do what they do, because they don’t have to pay for application fees, which absolves the most primary of risks of applying to college, and the worst thing that can happen to them is that simply don’t get accepted.  Otherwise, they can sit back and amass acceptance after acceptance, and if the number is impressive enough, they make the internet, and I get to call them mega tryhards, and use them as fodder for the hashtag on a personal brog that nobody reads.

But what I was going to say is that in most of these cases, the kids apply to a thousand schools, get accepted into 50 of them, and ultimately only go to the ones that are actually giving them a free ride.  Sometimes, if the families of these tryhards have some money, they’ll go to one of the more prestigious names they were accepted into, but in most of these cases they’re really phishing for any schools that are willing to give them large scholarships, if not a free ride outright, and ultimately they usually end up going to a lesser-heralded school because free school > student loan entrapment imprisonment debt.

However, this particular kid, has chosen to actually redeem his acceptance into Harvard, of all schools.  This isn’t to say that he wasn’t worthy of some sort of scholarship, but usually in a lot of these mega tryhard stories, the underlying truth is that they were simply accepted, and not necessarily given any sort of incentive.  Such details are not disclosed in this specific story, but what is explained is that he will be playing basketball for Harvard, so there’s always the possibility that he’s getting some degree of scholarship from one of the most prestigious institutions in the world, because he’s decent at hoops.

To which I actually do give this kid some credit for actually cashing in his #TRYHARDSZN2024 ticket to go to one of the most prestigious schools on the planet, and not just doing it for the cheap attention as a publicity stunt.  Go forth, young man, and hopefully you will dominate the lesser-tier competition of Ivy League athletics, instead of getting boiled alive at a school with a real athletic program like the ACC’s Stanford (lol), while gaining one of the most invaluable reputable proofs of education in the world.

But you’re still a mega tryhard.

Year four of forever

And just like that, #1 is four years old.

Throughout my own parenting journey, one of the most heard things I’ve been told is to not blink or take any time for granted, because it’ll all be over in the blink of an eye and the kids will be grown and be pains in my ass before I know it, and I’ll wonder where the time went when they were still in diapers and couldn’t do anything for themselves.

Honestly, I think I’ve done a pretty good job of not taking my time for granted, and I’m so often reflecting on the past and I think in this age where everyone has phones and cameras on their phones and it’s fairly possible to chronicle our lives through photographs, that it makes it easier to have a visual reference to reflect with as we can simply just open up our photos app and scroll through time.  That, and the fact that I’ve also been a prodigious brogger for more than half my life at this point, and I’ve always got the means to not only look back in time and reflect, but to also read my very own words to recall specifically where I was throughout the journey of life.

I’ll often times just stop and watch my kids doing the things they do, and marvel at the state they’re in now, as opposed to when they were babies or infants or toddlers, because it’s just incredible watching someone else’s journey through life, through the eyes of a spectator, and of course being their father, I’ve literally seen just about every single day of their lives.

I think it’s safe to say that I’m the first face they see in the morning, about 99% of their lives, I make the vast majority of their meals, and I put a tremendous amount of physical and time effort into my kids regularly.  There are times in which it feels like a lot of work, but I don’t regret any bit of it, and I take a tremendous amount of pride in trying to be the best dad I possibly can be.  There’s nothing I won’t do for my children, and the only thing I really care about at all is being a good dad.

But #1 being four years old, that’s still mind-blowing to process, even though I know the day is coming.  It’s just so hard to fathom that it’s literally been four years since she came into existence five weeks early, right at the on-set of COVID and the (majority) of the entire (intelligent) world shutting themselves into isolation.  Being born so early, she was whisked away into the NICU and stayed there for two weeks, while mythical wife and I had no idea what was really going on with her health, the world, coronavirus and everything else because so much was going on concurrently right then.

Looking at her now, it’s hard to believe she was ever considered an at-risk baby that had to be connected to a heart monitor for the first four months of her life, because within six months, we stopped referring to her as “adjusted age” and never looked back.  She’s a strong, healthy four-year-old that’s ridiculously smart, thoughtful, and brings joy to my life on a daily basis.

She’s fully potty-trained, never has any accidents, knows all her numbers and letters, has demonstrated some rudimentary reading ability, and I have a feeling math will come fairly natural to her, as she’s apparently understanding the processes of basic arithmetic, even if she doesn’t know what the words addition or subtraction mean yet.

She remembers damn near everything, and is so quick to remind me of when she thinks I’ve screwed something up, and seems to be able to recall things from the past now, which shows her budding brain being able to store and recollect memories, and even going to sleep, she always remembers to remind me of what she wanted for breakfast the night before.

Not a day goes by where she and/or her sister isn’t the brightest light of my entire day, whether it’s by making me laugh, something sweet they do or say, or just the happy peace I feel when I watch them doing kid things.  So I’m happy to do whatever it takes to bring happiness to their lives… like taking a cake decorating class, so that I could make my child a triple-layered chocolate cake with buttercream and a dark chocolate drip ganache.  But even if it’s basically pure trash food, it’s also a symbol of growth for my child in that her original severe intolerance to eggs has dissipated over time, and she can at least handle having it in baked goods or cooked into things.

Still not going to give her a straight up omelet or scrambled eggs, but considering I still can’t eat those things without considerable punishment, who knows if she’ll ever fully grow out of it, or be as limited as I am.  Only time will tell, and hopefully there will be many more decades of years to bear witness to what happens next.