For the last seven business days, I was back working at WCW, but this time in the Power Plant, and not for Saturday Night. This was very pleasing to me to simply be back there, and I’m admittedly a little sad that my second go-around is over after just two weeks, and not like the 15-month stint the first time around. But regardless, I enjoyed my time back on familiar grounds again, and who the hell knows what lies ahead for my wacky freelance career that doesn’t seem to end.
But anyway, without giving up too much information, basically, I did a ton of research for pretty much every NCAA school. I’ve learned of schools that I didn’t even know even existed, as well as discovering the various mascots and colors used throughout the country’s vast network of colleges. And here are some conclusions from my recent assignment:
I have discovered 17 schools, that use the moniker of cougars, much to the amusement of my inner 14-year old. Writing this out, I also realize that I’m twice the age of my inner 14-year old, and rapidly approaching the age of where the hot 30-something cougars find me to be too old, and I’d be relegated to settling with the not-quite-as-hot 40-something cougars instead. Regardless, I have to imagine the male students of the University of Houston, Brigham Young University, and Washington State, among others, really find amusement in being cougar alums.
Ten schools, to my count are beavers, which elicits more snickering amusement out of me. Does anyone I know have any realization that MIT’s mascot is actually a beaver, and not Asian guys counting cards? Admittedly all these revelations were funnier in my head than they are written out, but keeping track of such juvenile pursuits was a good way to break the monotony of the eye-bending work I was doing.
So anyway, I kept track of any oddities, be it funny names, school websites, or mostly just more funny names, and I have the following to share:
- Worst college website in history goes to Rust College – seriously, the only thing really missing from this website is an animated GIF of a stick figure with a pick axe on a yellow sign, to further emphasize the under construction nature of the site. No way I would have thought this to be a legitimate NCAA school’s website.
- WTF mascot goes to Evergreen State College, home of the . . . Geoducks. What the fuck is a geoduck, we all collectively ask? Imagine a snail shell, with a gigantic worm sticking out of it instead of a slimy head. They’re apparently some relative to clams, but the bottom line is that this hippie-populated school’s likeness is inherited from these oddity creatures.
- Where Simon Belmont went to college – Transylvania University, in Transylvania . . . Kentucky.
- Pretty low standards for mascots: University of California, Santa Cruz, home of the Banana Slugs. Apparently, all the other Universities of California got all the cool names before Santa Cruz could get one.
- And I thought the Duke Blue Devils were lame, but they’re demonic compared to the Billikens of St. Louis University. Not quite sure what a billiken is, but wikipedia says it’s a charm doll created by some lady in St. Louis. Apparently impactful enough to have an entire school make it its mascot.
- The Trifecta of Lame: The Whittier College Poets, the Monks of St. Joseph’s College of Maine, and the Lemoyne-Owen College Magicians. Couldn’t have three gayer and lamer identities than those.
But the crown jewel of them all, and probably my favorite is a combination of nerdy, lame, and most certainly unique. Out of the 1,097 schools I looked at, there was only one:
- The PALADINS of Furman University. Seriously, the fucking PALADINS, like the mythical classification of holy knight or something, most familiarized by video games, and fantasy RPGs. Give them a lame purple palette, and most importantly, the very appropriate logo of a big F in the middle of a star, and we have the best college identity in the NCAA.
Cougars, beavers, and paladins, oh my. I will miss WCW, again.
