This is the face I imagined Donnie Yen making when being told that his character was going to be basically a blind martial artist.
Disclaimer: I will not give away any Rogue One plot, but I make no promises that I will not state any character characteristics. But who are we kidding, you’re not going to actually even have the chance to read this until my brog is back up, which really might be never.
To cut to the chase, mythical gf and I went and saw Rogue One on “opening night.” Frankly, I’m not thrilled to have to shell out $40 for movie tickets that cost more than a home edition would be, but we live in a world that puts importance on immediacy, mostly because people on social media don’t know how to shut the fuck up, and not seeing things the very moment they’re released leaves one subject to the litany of spoilers that internet blabbermouths are inevitably going to barf out as soon as their fingers reach any sort of keyboard. It also sets the bar extremely high for me to feel like a movie is remotely worth the cost of admission.
Rogue One was an entertaining movie. I found it enjoyable, and nowhere near as bad as anything with Jar-Jar Binks in it. It wasn’t $20 admission-per good, but honestly short of live performance and/or sports, I’m hard pressed to think of many things that are. But I feel like there was an evident amount of care put into the movie that made sure to act as an appropriate addition to the franchise while not stepping on the toes of existing canonical storylines, while executing creative ways to tie existing plots together.
But let’s not kid ourselves here, the main reason that intrigued me to Rogue One was the fact that for the first time ever, a Star Wars film was actually going to have some notable Asian characters.
New paragraph for emphasis: don’t even try and fucking convince me about the fleetingly sparse times in the other seven films where an Asian actor may have portrayed an alien character, or been on screen for three seconds to look concerned about the impending destruction of a planet, or the numerous Asians that have allegedly been under the helmets of a Stormtrooper. It’s not that they never counted, but it goes to hammer down the notion that Asians have been given the shortest straws possible when it comes to representation in the Star Wars universe.
Seriously, LucasArts would rather blow a massive CG budget to create Jar-Jar Binks and the entire Gungan race rather than to cast some Asian actors and try to create another galactic culture. Yes, I’m sour about the topic; I’ve watched all the movies, indulged with numerous toys growing up, played countless SW video games, and read enough fan-fiction pawned off as SW novella to have my own opinions of what a real-life Mara Jade should look like; I’ve kind of been into Star Wars for a long time. Long enough to recognize that Asians get almost no recognition in the entire fucking universe, despite the fact that watching the end credits to any SW-related media would yield nearly 45%+ of Asian contributors, with nearly double that if there’s anything that needed to be animated.
Needless to say, my excitement towards Rogue One was heavily skewed towards the fact that for like the first time ever, a Star Wars film was actually going to have some notable Asian involvement. Donnie Yen is pretty much the pinnacle of multi-cultural crossover action stars these days, and I was stoked to see that he was going to be in Rogue One, even if it seemed like he was there to satiate some need for some martial arts sequences.
I’m happy for Donnie Yen and how he basically gets to be immortalized in Star Wars history forever, but I can’t help but think about his portrayal, and how it might have come to fruition when the story was concepted. Donnie Yen’s pretty much known for one thing: martial arts. The guy is a Wing Chun god, and he’s done a countless number of films beating people up and displaying his martial arts acumen on screen. But he’s gone on record for stating his excitement for getting to be in Rogue One, because his kids love Star Wars, and such was his primary reason for getting on board, but lately I’ve been imagining the conversations he’s had with his agent and Lucas people when it came to shaping his character.
Agent: Donnie, we have an extraordinary offer for you. How would you like to be in a Star Wars film?
Donnie: Star Wars?? Are you kidding me? Of course I’d want to be in Star Wars!!
Agent: There’s a role in the upcoming Rogue One one-off that seems perfect for you.
Donnie: Of course I’m interested! My kids love Star Wars! They’d be so stoked to know that their dad got to be in a Star Wars film. Where do I sign??
Agent: Great! I’ll let the Lucas guys know that you’re on board.
Donnie: Also, Star Wars has been lacking in Asian representation throughout the decades. They’ve had a bunch of white characters, a lot more black characters, and characters of visually various cultures. But not enough Asian portrayal. Fuck Jar-Jar Binks!
Agent: I think that’s what Lucas is realizing now too. They are trying to be more diverse.
Donnie: So have they said what they’re interested in me for??
Agent: Yes.
Donnie: Tell me I’m not going to be just some Darth Maul bad guy, and they want me to do some acrobatics and kung fu.
Agent: No, they want you for a good guy…
Donnie: Good guy?? Do I get to be a Jedi?? Do I get to have a lightsaber????
Agent: You do get to fight Stormtroopers.
Donnie: So what am I then? A hero? An adventurer? A rebel?? Do I get to be a rebel??
Agent: No. You’re going to be a blind monk who uses martial arts.
Donnie: Blind… monk?
Agent: Yes.
Donnie: So am I a Jedi, and use the Force to act as my senses so I can fight Imperials with a lightsaber?
Agent: No, you’re not a Jedi, so you don’t get a lightsaber.
Donnie: So how do I fight Stormtroopers?
Agent: I don’t know. You’re just… astute with your senses and can competently fight.
Donnie: Like a kung-fu master?
Agent: Uh..yeah.
Donnie: So in the Star Wars universe, I’m wanted to do the exact same thing I do in all 27 films I’ve portrayed Wong Fei-Hung, except against Stormtroopers?
Agent: I mean, when you put it that way…
Donnie: Seriously? Do I get to actually speak in this movie?
Agent: Of course you do!
Donnie: I’m guessing in like Mandarin and I’ll be subtitled.
Agent: Don’t be ridiculous Donnie. They want you to speak English.
Donnie: Well, at least there’s that. Let me guess, they want to provide some sage monk-like advice.
Agent: No, you’re going to be kind of a comic-relief guy with some witty one-liners.
Donnie: I’m not going to lie, I wish I would be portrayed as something slightly less kung-fu and a little more galactic.
Agent: Baby steps, Donnie.
I like to imagine there being a modicum of eye-rolling when Donnie Yen was informed that he would be needed to provide some martial arts and staff expertise; in a Star Wars film. Bringing some Ip Man into the Lucas Universe, when some Darth Maul for the light side is what he really had in mind. But nope, let’s go with some staff expertise against blasters, and introduce a key Asian character to the universe in the most stereotypical manner possible.
But Rogue One was still enjoyable, and I take shots at the Asian integration with tongue in cheek. At least there were finally some Asians introduced in the racist-ass galaxy far, far away.
