I told myself that I wouldn’t write anything about Superb Owl Lee until it was over, because I am the controller of the entire universe and the words I choose to put onto a brog post will guarantee control the entire outcome of the game. But I’m in a little bit of a rut lately, and there are few things that help get me out of a rut than writing about sports. Not to mention that every now and then, I’ll come across something that I guess the correct response would be that it triggers something of an emotional synapse where I feel that words typed out is the appropriate reaction.
But every now and then whenever the Atlanta Falcons, or any Atlanta-based sports team, but mostly the Falcons, find a modicum of success, they inevitably become motivation for some bigwig sports writer to take a cheap shot at not just the team, but inevitably the city itself, along with all of its denizens. That Atlanta teams are all pretenders, have yet to win anything (except them ’95 Braves!), and then that the fans are all fair-weathered bandwagon riders that only cheer for winners when they’re not going bonkers over college football. That Atlanta is the worse sports town in America. That Atlanta is pretty much the new Cleveland when it comes to sports championship droughts.
None of these allegations are incorrect, but they’re revisited and flung around so many times that they’re completely unoriginal and stated so many times that the only appropriate response is usually “you’re right, what’s your point” with an annoyed eye roll.
However, I’ve stated it many times in conversation as well as when I used to participate in sports discussion on the internet: making fun of Atlanta is like making mom jokes – I’m allowed to do it, other Atlanta residents are allowed to make them, but those on the outside, fuck you. I feel like anyone in any city should feel somewhat similarly when it comes to their own territories, or stay out of the conversations outright.
The latest Atlanta Sucks diatribe comes from Boston, where very well-known blowhard Dan Shaughnessy has decided that it’s difficult to get excited or pumped up for Superb Owl Lee, because the team opposing his hometown assignment New England Patriots are none other than the Falcons from shitty and unworthy Atlanta. He goes through the obligatory checklist of making the sorry-not sorry passive-aggressive remarks about how it’s nothing personal, Peachtree this-and-that, college football, and lack of championships. He tries his best to differentiate his word vomit from others by acknowledging the fact that we in Atlanta have heard this shit before and heard it often, but then he goes onto to fellate Boston and the New England region about how they expect nothing short of more championships, and that a Patriots victory in Superb Owl Lee is pretty much already achieved.
Let’s be realistic, the Patriots are the favored team; I witnessed the initial spread hit the boards in Vegas an hour after the Patriots clobbered the Steelers to punch their ticket to SBLee. Tom Brady is Jesus Christ-reincarnated and have proven time and time again their ability to win championship after championship, while Matt Ryan has a woeful 2-5 playoff record, an 0-2 record against the Patriots and an entire city’s worth of choking expectations on his shoulders. By all right, the Patriots should beat the Falcons, Tom Brady is anointed god of football for eternity, and then the Falcons and all their temporary fans quietly go back into desolation until the following Tuesday morning when news of high school freshmen being preemptively scouted by the University of Georgia continue and try to mask the scent of yet another Falcons failure.
This is what is expected, and I’d be honest if I didn’t admit that it’s kind of what I expect, personally. But it doesn’t mean that don’t want the Falcons to win. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to see the team that represents my home, the team of plucky Davids take down the Goliath-loaded Patriots. Of course I’d love see that happen. The more people try and tell me something is going to happen, the more I begin to pine for the opposite to occur. I have no beef with the Patriots, I don’t hate them like the vast majority of sports fandom outside of New England seems to. I think Tom Brady is a privileged and lucky man, blessed with talent and the winning gene. I cheered like hell for the Patriots when they beat the Seattle Seahawks last year, because I loathe the Seahawks, and I cheered like hell when the Patriots beat the Eagles in like 2005 because fuck Philadelphia.
But it’s the arrogance of those who represent the opponents of Atlanta, that makes me want to see Atlanta overcome, flourish and succeed. They have yet to do it (save for them ’95 Braves), which means the criticism will keep coming until it does, but nothing lasts forever, and the plight of Atlanta sports will eventually break through (again) one of these days. I’d love to be one of many writers who live in Georgia who can write things about how X team shouldn’t have lost, but did, and a supposed curse over an entire region has been broken, and how the afterglow of a championship masks any future failures for a brief but totally reprieving period.
Sure, all the shit people like Shaughnessy and the people that have come before him are blatant troll jobs; they know they can get away with them. History has given them the odds that they can put Atlanta down and have a high chance of success of getting to arrogantly be right about their gloating. But one of these days, one of these blowhards is going to be wrong, and they’re the ones who will be first in line when it comes to comeuppance. Do any of them really want to be the team to have finally lost to an Atlanta team? To have to hear the embarrassment of being the one team to have lost in a championship stake to a team from Atlanta with their shitty fans who don’t care unless they’re winning and are really just looking for a way to kill time until college football starts? Of course not. But as long as people keep poking bears, some motherfuckers are eventually going to get mauled.
Will it happen this weekend? Will the Falcons upset Patriots and subsequently upset the entire world? Probably not, because the ruler of the world (me) has written this post and it’s all but condemned the Falcons to another crushing defeat and another close call. But I, like many other Atlanta-based sports fans can hope for something different, and hope to see Atlanta overcome, topple the mighty Patriots, and end an entire region’s period of insufferable misery of not knowing what it’s like to see a championship (except them ’95 Braves).
Despite me inevitably jinxing the Falcons, I don’t think victory is impossible. The Falcons’ modus operandi all season has been all about spreading the ball around and not relying on two receivers, a tight end and a tailback, and they’ve got a young defense with vigorous legs that have been impressive all playoffs at both harassing quarterbacks as well as defending the pass. And frankly, the more everyone writes the Falcons off, the more I begin to wonder if the players themselves are steaming and getting pissed and wanting to use all this detraction as fuel to explode all over the Patriots.
As I said, I don’t have a problem with the Patriots, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say it would be pretty great if the Falcons pulled off the impossible, and made everyone who has ever tried to shit on Atlanta shut the fuck up for two minutes. But respect is earned, and the Falcons need to not choke again and grab that fucking respect not just for themselves, but for an entire city, craving some sports gratification.
