Because I apparently like being in abusive relationships, yes I’m still playing Fire Emblem: Heroes on my phone. Mostly on account of the fact that I’m kind of OCD and I tend to do the same things every day, all the time, and playing FEH is kind of one of those said things that’s kind of engrained in my everyday activities. For the matter, I’m still playing Pokémon Go on a fairly regular basis, mostly because I don’t even bother to help it.
But in regards to FEH, I still play because I have these pointless hopes of assembling perfect teams that can run roughshod throughout the game, be it in the arena or any of their rotating challenge modes, but in order to assemble what I believe to be perfect teams, I have to get the necessary characters in order to build them, which has been about as possible as making pigs fly, yet I still keep on trying.
Or, in the case of October, there are sometimes just characters that are released that I simply want, usually because most of the time they’re sexy anime wimmins that feed into my inner-15-year old that wants to fill my roster with gold five-star sexy women characters, so that one of my set teams can be “Sexy Team.” And the crown jewel of the October Performing Arts roster to me, was the special green-class Azura, and I really wanted to get one.
But, because FEH has worse odds than winning at a slot machine, such a want was one that was going to be something with an extremely unlikely chance of happening, but it still wasn’t going to stop me from trying.
So all throughout October, I sat on my orbs and opted to simply hoard and save as many as I could, until I reached the point where the Performing Arts promotion neared its end, and then I would cash in all my orbs and try and get the Azura (or Hector, since he’s also a green unit) I was hoping to get. And because I thought it would be fun to document the shit show, I notated every single pull and result, just to really get some concrete evidence of just how much of a yeoman’s job acquiring choice units is in FEH.
I amassed 203 orbs throughout October by the time Performing Arts reached its final day. My rules were quite simple: only green or clear pulls, since at the time, I wanted to get a special Olivia as well. I actually got an Olivia fairly early on, which salvaged the entire experiment from being a completely utter failure, which allowed me to target only green units afterward, but the bottom line was no red pulls; they’re simply the most abundant class, and I certainly didn’t need anymore red units than I already had.
Ultimately, I made a total of 45 pulls; ten were clear and three were blue pulls, in those unfortunate draws where there were neither green or clear pulls to take, and the orbs were already used (naturally, these themselves were a tragic waste like Subaki and Donnel), and I made a total of 32 green pulls, with hopes of acquiring just one special Azura or regular Hector.
This is where I say “naturally, the results were underwhelming” or something as equally nihilistic at the shit show of garbage that I actually ended up drawing, but because I diligently documented all of it, I can actually be very specific to the crap that I amassed:
- 5 Cecilias
- 4 Gunters
- 3 Ninos
- 3 Bartres
- 3 Berukas
- 2 Cherches
- 2 Camillas
- 2 Ravens
- 2 Merrics
- 2 Sorens
- 1 Arthur
- 1 Sheena
- 1 Frederick
- 1 Fae
I should also mention that I also drew one Inigo, which was one of the “rares” of the Performing Arts promotion, as he was also a green class, but the thing is that I’d already had an Inigo, maxed to level 40, so really, getting an Inigo during this time was more of an inconvenience, since getting him resets the “rare summon multiplier” that ticks up at a snail’s pace for every non-rare pull previously.
The bottom line is that in the end, and to absolutely no surprise at all, I did not get the Azura I was hoping to acquire. I was salty the last time I hoarded up 200+ orbs and went to town trying to get a single unit and fell short, but by now, I’m astutely aware that regardless of the statistics and the chances and the numbers, getting some characters are borderline impossible. As far as I’m concerned, Azura, Hector and Takumi aren’t actually available for regular players, and those who have them are hacking cheaters.
So until next time I decide to hoard orbs for another try at imaginary characters, I probably won’t be posting about FEH again, but rest assured I’ll still likely be playing on a daily basis.
