Tag: bathroom

Yes it’s that time to talk about pooping again

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

One of the… no, it is definitively the best aspect about returning to the office, is the fact that I am able to get back to the gym, by virtue of the modest but adequate little gym inside my office’s building.  It’s free for tenants, has showers and complimentary towels, and the best part is that it’s hardly ever used.  Since I’ve been working out there, the maximum number of other people working out at the same time has me has never exceeded two people.

Knock on wood.

However, in spite of the fact that there aren’t a lot of people who work out on the regular as I do, the gym doors, are still somewhat commonly opened and entered, by people who believe the gym restrooms are the best place to poop.  Presumably they’re thinking they’re the most private, or least frequented, so that they can drop a deuce in perceived peace and cleanliness, but I don’t think any of these bozos seem to understand that I’ve already witnessed a number of people who use them that’s high enough for me to not even consider them myself if the need arises.

For those who have never had the opportunity to be mired in Office Space life, one notable behavior that most people don’t like to talk about but exists because everyone poops, is that people have a tendency to try and be discreet and do their work-time pooping on the down-low.  Either by coming in early, staying late, or in most cases with larger facilities, seeking out the bathrooms that are away from their daily peer groups, tucked away for privacy and/or sanitary reasons, or all of the above.

A Where’s Waldo of sorts, of the “best” bathrooms in the building.  I have a bathroom in the building that I think is the best bathroom for my needs.  It’s hidden behind the mailroom and based on the fact that most every time I go into it, I’m the one triggering the motion-sensing lights, which lets me know that nobody’s been there for a while, or the toilets still have the tint of green water from the last time they were disinfected.

Point is, everyone who works in an office probably has in the back of their mind, the bathrooms they like to use when they want some privacy and piece of mind.  And in my building, I’ve noticed that quite a number of people seem to feel that the gym bathroom is that bathroom for them, but unbeknownst to them, they would be sorely mistaken.

The men’s locker room has one toilet stall.  One.  Regardless of if I knew this wasn’t a good bathroom or not, I personally don’t like those odds, and wouldn’t consider it.  Presumably, the women’s locker room has two, due to the lack of need for a urinal, and make no mistake, women come into the gym to poop as frequently as men do, but at least they can hedge their bets with two toilets presumably to pick from.

Regardless, much like NASA gathers data on the all-relevant to space exploration conflicting between alligators versus sharks, solely based on the fact that it’s an interesting behavioral  anomaly that occurs near their Florida facilities, I have decided to start collating data of the pooping habits of the people in my building, who pop into the gym solely to poop, thinking it’s a nice and private bathroom for them to use.  It’ll be a fun little statistical gathering to see if any patterns or factoids emerge from it, and if anything all, just another topic I can dip into to write about in the future.

I also like to smugly meet the eyes of the people who come into the gym to poop; they know that I know what they’re doing, because they always roll in with no bags or gear, and beeline for the locker rooms.  If I weren’t masked up, they would see the facetious smirk on my face when they’re on their way out, because they think they’re being clever and pooping where it’s nice and safe, but based on the revolving door those poor toilets are, they might as well be crapping in a porta-potty during a marathon weekend.

New Father Brogging, #025

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

If I had a dollar for every time my kid shit herself while riding in the car, then I could easily get a Chick Fil-A Spicy Chicken Sandwich meal.  Not the classic #1 combo, the spicy variant, which costs more.  With large fries and a large drink.  And a brownie.

Like at this point, it’s pretty laughable how routine this is becoming.  I/we decide to go run an errand, and bring our child, so that she can see a little bit of the world outside of the safe confines of the house.  When we get to our destination, I remove her from the car seat, and do the courtesy sniff test, to which is naturally like getting fierce punch Tiger Uppercutted by Sagat, and then it takes ten more minutes to actually get started with whatever said errand or destination I/we are doing, because I have to change her diaper in the back seat of my car, and pray to god that nothing leaked out and soiled her active clothing, not that her travel bag doesn’t already have a spare outfit in case of emergency.

It’s just funny how she can go days without pooping sometimes, but the second she’s put in her car seat and taken out on a ride, it’s basically automatic that she’s going to blow up.  It also doesn’t matter if she actually poops at home, and creates a false sense of security that the pipes have been cleared, that when you do go out, because it’s like there’s a separate release chamber strictly meant for while in the car that will be unleashed when taken out of the house. 

At least I know that if I’m ever concerned that my child is facing constipation or any strange digestive ailments that result in some backing up, I’ll know exactly what I have to do to increase my odds of helping alleviate her.

It’s naturally a little gross and off-putting at times, the whole notion of babies and poop, but historically Asian cultures are pretty laissez-faire about pooping in general, often citing good bowel movements as indicative of good health.  And since my child is half Asian, the topic of poop will not be off-limits or very taboo; if anything at all, it’s something of a personal trope that I can laugh about, at its absurd predictability.  And maybe one day when she herself is reading through my brog in the distant future, she’ll cringe and wince at the notion of dad putting this all down in writing.

Dannyspeak: Overpopulated Days

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Like most people out there, we tend to have our own personal vernaculars.  Phrases that we use, mostly in private, but sometimes out in the wild, which occasionally requires explanation.  Most of the time, people scrunch their eyebrows and are dubious about the use of particular phrases, but occasionally others adopt such things, and introduce it into their own vernacular.

I don’t know why, but I’ve often felt the compulsion to write about my use of the general term “overpopulation;” it’s sat in my drafts file as a topic to write about on more than one occasion, but I’ve never actually taken the time to actually write about it.  Seeing as how my writing habits have become quite strained throughout the last few weeks and months, mostly due to work trying to suck the ever-living life out of me, I’m always trying to improve my motivation and capability to write, and no matter how bad things get, writing is the one hobby and outlet that I really do not want to let fall too far off the rails, and much like being able to run a mile at any drop of a hat, I always want to be able to write whenever I feel like it.

There are two places in which I most frequently decide that the world is too overpopulated: the parking lot at work, or at the gym. 

Being the creature of habit that I am, it shouldn’t be much of a surprise that I wish to park in the same parking spot every single day.  In order to accomplish that, I realize that I need to pick somewhere that isn’t necessarily rockstar parking, right next to the entrance of the office, but somewhere where I could (hopefully) reliably get the same spot on a regular basis.  That being said, my preferred spot is one floor up from the main entrance, but fairly close to the stairs, so I can traverse one flight of stairs and be at the aforementioned rockstar entrance.

For a while, it was pretty nice, getting the same spot on a daily basis.  I knew I could be five minutes earlier or five minutes later than the usual arrival time, and it would be there, and I took comfort in knowing that I basically had a consistent place to park.

But then, much to my dismay, I rolled into the parking lot one day, and there was a fucking pickup truck in my spot.  It pissed me off royally, and I hoped this was a one-off occurrence.  But then the truck was there the next day, and several other days in which I happened to be off by a few minutes.  Even after I rattled off a nice little streak of getting my spot back for several consecutive days, this fuckface would still take my exact spot whenever they managed to get there before I did.

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Going to chalk this up as a white people thing

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Gyms on Fridays are pretty much the best time in the world to go to the gym.  Mondays are often times the worst, because it’s the one day when everyone feels guilty for the shit they do to themselves over the weekend, and they overcompensate by making it a point to go to the gym on Mondays, thinking a single day of exercise will absolve them of whatever booze and/or junk food they plowed into their bodies the three nights prior, so the gyms are obnoxiously packed and I want to kill every motherfucker who impedes my ability to have a routine workout.

On the flipside, Fridays are pretty much dead.  Be it pleebs falling back into their usual routines of giving up, giving themselves a little bit of an extended weekend, or any other weak reason, by Friday, gyms are nice and empty, and I’m more often capable of having a nice relaxed workout, without many if any people, interfering with my routine.  And today was no exception, as I was able to have my pick of the benches, never had to look for a single weight, and proceed with my entire routine without any interruptions.

I was in a good mood after finishing up my last lifts.  And then I went into the locker room.

And it was fucking slammed.  Motherfuckers all over the fucking place like cockroaches scattering when you walk into a dark room and turn off the lights.  Everyone in varying states of undress, but just about all getting ready to hop into the shower, to which there are only six of at my particular gym.  When I gathered my effects to shower, I turned the corner into the shower area, and was luckier than a leprechaun at the end of the rainbow that there was one left, resulting in me not needing to wait.  But the point was that, for some unknown reason there were way more people in the locker room preparing to shower, than there were dudes that actually worked out, and actually earned their shower.

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A pathetic observation

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I’ve noticed a trend these days that I’m quite perturbed by: men who are looking at their phone while peeing at the urinal.

Yes, we are going to talk about bathroom behavior again.

And I’m not talking about speaking on the phone, but such a thing can be done somewhat less blatantly, by means of Bluetooth headsets, earbuds, or wedging the phone against your ear and shoulder.  Sure, the behavior is still kind of disheartening to see, and hear, but I’m talking about people who are looking down at their phone screens, and using their thumbs to scroll or swipe; while not looking down while they’re peeing.

At first, I thought it was a thing that I’d only see at work, I get it, there are people who are (trying to look) excessively busy that they simply cannot sacrifice 60 seconds to go to the commode without interrupting business function.  Those emails cannot wait the duration of a pee break, obviously.

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Yes, we are going to talk about poop

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

In the very first Final Fantasy, Warmech was an enemy that could be randomly encountered on the long sky bridge preceding the fourth elemental fiend, Tiamat. Warmech was the strongest non-boss in the game, as it had a nuclear blast attack that attacked your entire party for a tremendous amount of damage, as well as health regeneration, lots of armor and strong physical damage output.

Subsequently, it rewarded you as if it were one of the elemental fiends if you defeat it, but the existence of Warmech was one-part easter egg, being a high-tech opponent in a world of fantasy, one-part completionist challenge, being such a difficult adversary, and one-part nasty surprise, because encountering one can only happen at a very inopportune time, right before another major boss fight.

It was deduced that the chances of encountering a Warmech on the sky bridge was approximately 3/64; which equates to roughly 5% of the time, but if you’re unlucky like me, you somehow manage to run into Warmech almost every time.

Anyway, there’s a sky bridge in my place of employment.

And there’s a Warmech that patrols it.

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How about Slob Shaming?

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Shaming, in general is not a good thing.  Fat shaming, skinny shaming, slut shaming, handicap shaming; shaming in general is a behavior that’s pretty much frowned upon, globally speaking.  I mean, I’m not going to pretend like within the comforts of close friends and confidants, I won’t say some utterly crass and horrible things that probably succeed in shaming someone out there, in the pursuit of laughs and joking around, but when the day is over, I too would say that I frown upon shaming as a serious practice, overall.

But what if there’s a group of people that absolutely must be shamed?  A group that (hopefully) everyone can agree that, need to be called out in some capacity, to try and rectify their shameful tendency(ies) to begin with?  Would it really be considered shaming if everyone agrees that they should be shamed?

People who don’t flush toilets.  People who don’t wash their hands.

Now I obviously can’t speak for women’s restroom etiquette, but I’d wager that there are plenty of gals out there that can think of a person or persons off the top of their head that they have mentally earmarked as being a perpetual person who indulges in some less-than-acceptable sanitary practices.

I’m talking about the shaming of slobs.  Slob Shaming.

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