lol China

Where all-you-can-eat doesn’t mean all-you-can-eat: man blacklisted from all-you-can-eat barbecue restaurant because he was eating too much

Frankly, there really is no place in the world that this could’ve occurred at then China.  China has no regard for rules, and they’re not above applying draconian outcomes onto their own people, especially when money is involved.  It’s just unfortunate for all parties involved, that The Internet caught wind of this story, because now it’s basically a meme, with all the observational humor armchair comedians that are coming out of the woodwork to chime in their two cents.

Naturally, the initial favor goes and should go, to the customer, whom was capitalizing on the general concept of all-you-can-eat, and it really is not his problem if the restaurant’s golden ratio of food consumed versus cost of meal begins sliding in his favor because he’s a monster capable of consuming large quantities of food.  As far as the restaurant goes, if they’re incapable of actually being all-you-can-eat, they probably shouldn’t be in business in the first place.

But then it’s revealed that the guy in question was a live-streamer, and then I feel like there’s a lot of context that kind of went missing in the bigger picture.  I think it’s safe to say that Mr. Kang here, was probably going to the restaurant, partially to eat a meal, but at the same time, ham shit up for his six viewers, by acting a little bit outlandish, and eating beyond normal, for the entertaining of others.  Now, from the restaurant’s standpoint, I can kind of lean towards them, because based on their description of how Mr. Kang would pick up the entire tray of prawns instead of using the tongs, that sounds like a dick move done deliberately, for the lulz, but is also fucking all other customers in the restaurant from getting any.

Sure, Mr. Kang wasn’t wasting any food, but at the same time I have a hard time believing that he was pounding away 3+ lbs. of pork trotters or downing 20-30 bottles of soy milk because he was just that hungry.  No, live-streamers are inherently attention whores, so he was probably stuffing his face for the camera, and most likely most definitely didn’t need to be eating that much food.

There are definitely ways to exploit buffets, most obviously being, don’t make a spectacle of yourself or draw attention to the fact that you’re trying to stay and eat the place out of business.  I used to see senior citizens at Old Country Buffets in the past, who undoubtedly were there for upwards of three hours plus, because they probably got in the door when it was senior-priced breakfast, but milked the clock to where the more expensive lunch options began emerging, and then had multiple meals while there.

But by making a spectacle of himself by grabbing entire trays, or running trains on soy milk, and undoubtedly bringing camera gear to his table, Mr. Kang ends up looking like a tool, the restaurant looks like assholes for denying someone all they can eat, and in the end, everyone loses, because lol China, of course.

Not going to lie though, all this thinking about Chinese buffets makes me miss the ever-living hell out of them.  Coronavirus be damned, I’m quite tempted to take the risk and go find some rando-China King Buffet and stuff my face stupid of lo mein, General Tso’s chicken, crab rangoons of doom and of course, chicken quesadillas.

Get with the times or get owned

TL;DR – smarmy New Yorker declares people who order their food online in advance are ruining lunch for everyone else

I know the topic of Chick fil-A is a contentious one for a lot of people.  Yes, they are/were run by some weird religious shitheads who are/were homophobic and probably also racist, and have been caught numerous times having donated money to some other hate-mongering shitheads and legitimately organized hate groups.

But their food is still delicious, there are two Chick fil-A’s within extremely convenient distance from my house, and I’ve got two kids that suck up all of my time and energy to where I have literally no time at all for myself, much less time to eat, and when I’m at a crossroads of Chick fil-A or starve to death, the chicken of bigots still wins out.  Sorry not sorry, is what the kids say these days, I hear.

Furthermore, Chick fil-A’s app is pretty much the greatest app on the face of the internet.  It’s smooth, has a clean and tidy interface, it’s smooth, executes clearly and without any bugginess or lagging, and it’s fucking smooth.  In less than 20 seconds, I can place an order and have it sent to one of the nearby CFA’s, and all I have to do is drive up and pick it up, and I barely have to interact with any of the eerily cheery teenagers and don’t have to do any exchanging of currency in person.

Not going to lie either, it gives me a semi whenever I show up to the restaurant, and pick the correct drive-thru lane, where I can check in and bypass multiple pleebs in the other lane, stumped by some luddite who doesn’t know what they want, needs a minute, and is paying in cash in person (and usually isn’t wearing a mask and is probably white but that’s besides the point here).

The point is, ordering food in advance and rolling in and picking it up is the true way of the future, and those who haven’t adopted it, or are not willing to adopt it, are fucking living in the past, and deserve to get owned for not getting with the times.

This smarmy Slate author and all the other pleebs he was in line with, deserved the loss of their lunch hours, for not having the wherewithal to be decisive and be prepared, because the pandemic only accelerated the timelines in which online ordering in advance was to become the more efficient and practical way to order food.

Chick fil-A has an outstanding app, but I’m definitely no stranger to using third-party apps or the restaurants’ sites themselves to put in my orders in advance.  Like Uber Eats or BeyondMenu, most of these sites will have no additional fees attached for pick ups, because you still have to get out of the house, drive somewhere and make a physical pickup, but most of the time, it’s still more efficient than waiting for someone to deliver, and usually cheaper too.

But the point is, those who are decisive and know what they want, deserve to be rewarded with the ability to get in and get out faster than those who want to rely on spontaneity or are indecisive on what they want to eat.  And if pleebs don’t want to get stuck in lines behind invisible customers, they need to both get with the times and learn to be more decisive in figuring out what they want to eat before they even put their shoes on and walk out the door.

Otherwise, I will continue to relish in skipping lines everywhere I go, to grab my pre-ordered, pre-paid shit, and be out the door while they’re stuck waiting, and getting owned. 

2 Under 2: Untitled dad ramblings (#065)

I may have accepted that life might be on hold, but it doesn’t mean that there aren’t occasional bad days.

#2 is getting better in terms of us managing the colic and learning her tendencies, but one thing that hasn’t really changed is her sheer unwillingness to take naps and give us a break from time to time, and the fact that she still exists in three states: sleeping (overnight), eating, or screaming her head off, with the caveat being that the screaming is usually only remedied by having someone holding her 24/7 until she can be brought into another state, eventually

I’m on dad duty for so long that I have no time to do anything else.  And when I say anything else, I mean do more work that I’d be able to do without having to have a baby in my arms, because I’m not fucking Goro from Mortal Kombat and have another pair of arms to be productive with.  My house is a fucking disaster zone full of piles of things that adds to my general stress and anxiety because I’m typically a pretty tidy person and I prefer my home be such as well.

I hardly have time to upkeep personal hygiene and pretty much every shower that I’ve had in the last two months have typically been after midnight, where I’m sacrificing rest time in order to not feel completely unraveled.

I don’t have time to be a good dog owner, and since my dog is 16 and elderly, I have to keep him crated for the vast majority of the day solely because he will pee on everything under the sun if he’s left free to his own devices.  I get mad when if and when he soils his dog beds, but it’s primarily frustration at the fact that I don’t even have time to even be able to take care of a dog’s base needs adequately enough.

I seldom have time to eat, and eat well, and everyone knows cooking at home is typically the key to improved eating habits, but who the fuck has time to cook much less eat it, without having to be hands-on with #2, so mythical wife and I subsist on an unhealthy amount of fast food because it’s all we can tolerate to indulge on when we’re already parked on E and need to eat while we can breathe.

Throughout the last few months, I’ve actually lost weight, I’m below my license weight which was fabricated to make me feel like not a fat fuck, but I’m actually below it now.  However, I know that’s solely based on the fact that I literally haven’t lifted any weights since mid-March of 2020, and I’ve pretty much lost all muscle-mass that I’d cultivated in the decades before coronavirus, and I’m pissed at ‘Murica for not being able to do what it takes to eradicate the pandemic and how it will never end and short of me turning my garage into a gym, there’s no way I’m ever going to reclaim any muscle mass that I’ve lost at this rate, not to mention where the time would be, being a dad of 2 under 2 and all.

Let’s not even talk about hobbies and personal indulgences, and the sheer time I don’t have to be able to do any of those.  One more thing I’d add to the list of unsolicited advice for new dads, would be to think of all the things you hope to accomplish in a day, and then count at day’s end just how many of them you didn’t get to.  Hobbies, are probably at the top of the list, followed probably by anything you wanted to do that utilized arms not handcuffed to an infant.  I’ve watched a lot of television over the last weeks, which isn’t the worst thing in the world and is something that I ordinarily would like to do, but the thing is I do it because it’s something I can do while holding an infant but when the day is over I’d rather be writing because that’s my passion hobby that I always want to be doing if I were ever to have free time where I wasn’t joined at the hip to my infant.

It’s not lost on me that the time I’m taking to write this could’ve been spent writing about anything else at all instead of another frustrated rambling of an overwhelmed dad, but as I often say, I want to remember everything, including the negative, about fatherhood, because it’s always important to be able to look back and learn from the past, even if they’re not always the most positive of things.

And unlike a lot of things where I have to write from memory and retroactively try to mentally get back to places, this is something that’s written fairly live and current, and I think it’s important to chronicle these emotions and frustrations and not let them simply evaporate until they bubble back up in the near future, and the words come out completely differently. 

Weekends suck because I don’t have the free time that I have to pay for in order to do absolutely anything other than being a hands-on dad.  Funny how that works out: free time, costing a fuck ton of money.

2 Under 2: My child has a more refined palette than Paul Walker (#044)

As my child has gradually been climbing up the ladder of solid foods, one of the things that I have held back up to this point has been the crusts of bread.  One of the things that I’ve given her periodically has been toast with cheese melted on it; but minus the crust, as toasted bread crusts are hard, crusty and would be something of a choking hazard if not just a coughing trigger, things that I wanted to avoid while she was still very little.

Recently, I’ve begun feeding her the crust of bread, seeing as how she has several teeth and has become quite the voracious eater, much like her dad, and the risk of choking and weak esophagus have diminished some over the months.  To no surprise, she was able to take her own bites of the crust of bread and eaten it with little complaint.

It was in this moment that I realized that my daughter has a much more sophisticated palette than Paul Walker’s character Brian O’Connor from the greatest movie series of all time, the original The Fast and the Furious (the one with the the’s in the title).  And since characters are often loosely based on the people portraying them, I’m going to guess that tuna on white no crust is probably something that Paul Walker himself fancied, we won’t know definitively rest in peace.

But the fact that my daughter is more than capable and willing to eat the crusts of her bread means that at 14 months old, she has already surpassed the culinary palette of a 28-year old Paul Walker, when his character was shown stepping into the Toretto’s family convenience store to try and get into Mia’s pants by repeatedly ordering tuna sandwiches with no crust.

This might be more brog-worthy than her first steps or the fact that she’s demonstrating her increasing intelligence on a daily basis, but to out-eat Paul Walker, is something a dad should be proud of.

2 Under 2: the first restaurant experience (#043)

Mother’s Day was a big day for my family: we collectively went out to eat for the very first time.  It was my child’s first ever visit to a restaurant.

Ordinarily, this does not sound like remotely anything close to a big deal, but considering my first hasn’t left the house for basically any reason but doctor’s visits, sparse store trips, or riding in the car while we pick up takeout for the first 14 months of her existence, mythical wife and I like to think it is something of a deal to us.

Over the last year, I can count on one hand how many times mythical wife and I have gone out to eat; all were special occasions, and all were either eating outdoors and/or after vaccination.  This dining out experience with our child fills out the first hand, but the point is despite safety measures and vaccinations, my household is still very careful and conservative when it comes to dining out because we have brains and know that the world is still not safe at all, especially in America where we have the dumbest anti-vaxxing non-believing Karen and Karl cultures ruining it for everyone actually trying to bring down the numbers.

Anyway, we went to a Mexican restaurant we like, at an odd hour between lunch and dinner to avoid crowds, and sat on the patio.  We brought our own child seat because I still don’t trust all places, regardless of how buttoned up this restaurant typically is, and the familiarity would hopefully ease the transition of the brand-new experience of eating somewhere other than home, with lots of people all around us, and eating outdoors.

Much to our relief and much to my pride, my daughter was absolutely perfect during the whole time there.  Not a single fuss, no crying, whimpering or whining, and she was completely behaved and perfect the entire visit.  She ate a chicken and cheese quesadilla with no complaints, and mythical wife and I could not have been any happier or proud of her behavior on what was her first ever dining out experience.

Honestly, I don’t know how I’d have felt if it didn’t go so well.  I know I’d be quick to get her out of the chair and try to comfort her in the parking lot or something, since we were already on the patio, but thankfully she was so perfectly behaved, that nothing of the sort had to come into play.

My 600 Lb. Diet – fin

After seven days, I decided to throw in the towel on the Dr. Nowzaradan 1,200 calorie diet.

It’s not so much that I couldn’t handle the diet, as much as it was that I had actually started doing some research on what was and what wasn’t healthy numbers of calories to ingest, and what it really boiled down to was that 1,200 calories a day for someone as active and capable as I am on a daily basis, just was not a good thing.

I actually began to have doubts as soon as day 2, but I compromised with myself and gave myself the rest of the week to make sure that I wasn’t just going through knee-jerk doubt, and to stick it out just one week, to see if it might get easier or if it really was something that was capable of defeating my willpower.

As I said, it’s definitely something that I know I’d be capable of doing for an month, but not without its own series of inconveniences, outside of just hunger and radical energy spikes.  What helped justify the decision to call it after a week was that I was also running out of the healthy food that I had bought to embark on this test, and the thought of having to go to Costco again, just for a whole bunch more meat was about as appealing as the idea of sprinting through a forest naked.  Apathy and laziness trumped Dr. Now in this regard.

Speaking of apathy and laziness, 1,200 calories, in spite of being way below normal for just about anyone, much less an active and capable person, works for rapidly reducing weight for people who inherently live sedentary lifestyles and are already morbidly obese, but for all others, it’s just simply not enough calories to operate without there being some parts of the day in which your body feels sluggish from having no energy to burn, and occasional hangriness, even though we know it’s a thing.

The real kicker though for me was when I looked up general calorie calculators, on how many calories someone like me should be consuming in a day (photo above), and seeing how if I wanted to lose weight at a normal pace, two times of 1,200 is what I’d be allotted to have each day, a little bit less than that, but still significantly more than 1,200, if I wanted to “lose quickly.”

And anyone who’s ever taken any sort of interest in nutrition knows that when your body goes into a deficit, the first place that it goes into is typically muscle, and seeing as how I’ve already shriveled and likely lost a bunch of mass from the last year of pandemic and no-gym, losing even more was the last thing in the world I wanted to happen.

I could have adjusted the diet, and stayed low-carb/high-protein and just consumed 1,800 calories a day, but then it wouldn’t have been the Dr. Nowzaradan 1,200 diet; and that was the point I was trying to make, being able to do.  So after the seventh day, I went to bed knowing that the following morning would be back to normal for me, where I could have cereal, I could have creamer in my coffee, and the world of food options was once again my oyster to where I could eat whatever I wanted. 

Final Number after 7 Days:

Initial weight: 189.4 lbs
Final weight: 185.8 lbs (3.6 lbs lost)
8,310 calories consumed
951.5 grams of protein
$67.56 worth of food for 21 meals and 18 snacks

My 600 Lb. Diet – Day 7

Today marks one full week of eating as if I were a featured patient on My 600 Lb. Life, wanting to get weight-loss surgery from Dr. Nowzaradan [Bariatric Surgeon].

Honestly, it hasn’t been so much difficult adhering to a 1,200 calorie diet, so much as it just sucks having these weird energy spikes from being hungry to eating and feeling normal for a little bit before your stamina bar depletes down and then it’s kind of a slog until the times when more food enters your system.  And in spite of my claims to be able to eat the same things over and over again on end, I guess it should be modified to be more along the lines of being able to eat the same trash over and over again on end, because there’s a difference between eating Willy’s for 240 days out of a year versus if I had to eat the same canned chicken and spinach salad every day for lunch for the same amount of time.

However, in some ironic sense, today’s menu was kind of altered, on account of the fact that I’m running out of the first week’s supply of food.  The package of Kirkland turkey and the Kirkland-branded canned chicken have been depleted after six days, and basically my only source of protein left are the one flank of salmon I have left, and a whole shitload of chicken breakfast sausages – so I’ve been eating a shitload of chicken breakfast sausages today.  Which is actually fine, because those are among the things I liked the most during this week.

Also, I picked up a bottle of hot sauce, because the stuff has zero calories and adds a ton of flavor to just about anything.  Much like the tagline for Frank’s goes, you really can put that shit on anything.

Regardless, today has been somewhat of a challenge, mostly unrelated to food however.  The guinea pig we had to take to the emergency vet last night, somehow required being there for 5.5 hrs in the end, which doesn’t change my perception that they prioritized every dog and cat that was brought in over my little pig, regardless of how much sooner I came in, and I didn’t get to bed until around 3 am, knowing that I only had three hours to sleep before it was time to start my child’s day.

But as is the norm in my life, I endure, I solder and I keep on moving along, regardless of the myriad of stress, frustration and general disdain I might feel.  Always forward.

BreakfastSame as Day 3

Snack

  • 1 link Amylu chicken sausage (43 cal, 4g pro)
  • 1/2 slice Martin’s whole grain bread (55 cal, 2.5g pro)
  • 1/4 cup Daisy low-fat cottage cheese (45 cal, 6.5g pro)

143 calories, 13 grams of protein. Total cost: 70¢

Lunch (pictured above)

  • 5 links of Amylu chicken sausage (215 cal, 20g pro)
  • 2 cups of spinach (20 cal, 1g pro)
  • 1 slice cheddar cheese (80 cal, 5g pro)

415 calories, 26 grams of protein. Total cost: $1.99

Snack (same as earlier)

  • 1 link Amylu chicken sausage (43 cal, 4g pro)
  • 1/2 slice Martin’s whole grain bread (55 cal, 2.5g pro)
  • 1/4 cup Daisy low-fat cottage cheese (45 cal, 6.5g pro)

143 calories, 13 grams of protein. Total cost: 70¢

DinnerSame as Day 1

Exercise

  • 50 sit-ups (50)
  • 120 push-ups (25, 25, 40, 30)

Total
1,186 calories, 105.5 grams of protein.
Total cost: $7.96