The saga that keeps getting better

The enemy of my enemy is my friend: it is revealed that Peter Thiel, co-founder of PayPal and a really, really, really rich billionaire, has been secretly picking up the tab for the legal expenses of Hulk Hogan, in his ongoing battles against Gawker.

I know the Hulkster isn’t as Oprah-rich as he once was, due to a gold-digging ex-wife and a fuck-up of a son, but I would have figured he probably still had the connections and/or means to handle his own legal bills.  But never would I have expected this saga to have this kind of twist in the casting, with a tech billionaire in Silicon Valley funding Hulkamania in the battle of good versus insufferable.

Seriously, “Hulk Hogan” and “PayPal Billionaire” seem like two variables that had as much chance of associating together as a sea cucumber pairing up with an Intel processor.  But it is funny to see just how effective that having a common enemy can unite even the most unlikely of individuals.

Basically, among Gawker’s list of people they pissed off, Peter Thiel was among them.  A gay man, Gawker drew his ire when in 2007, they basically attempt to out him as a homosexual, when he was still in the closet.  Not that there’s anything wrong with him being gay, but I could understand how much it could suck to not being on your own terms, instead being basically extorted by a bunch of smarmy arrogant internet assholes.

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Gawker is Macho Man’s replacement

LOL: Hulk Hogan suing Gawker; again

“The Macho Man” Randy Savage (RIP) was a lot of things throughout his life; professional baseball player, professional wrestler, professional rapper, among other accolades.  However, one of the less glamorous titles in his life, was Hulk Hogan’s bitch.

I don’t say this with any disrespect either, because I loved the Macho Man.  But there’s really no other way to describe the fact that no matter where Macho Man went, he was always, always the second fiddle to Hulk Hogan.  Throughout his wrestling career, not only did Macho Man almost never defeat Hogan,* Macho Man won six world championships between the WWF and WCW; only to lose three of them to Hulk Hogan.  With the last two in WCW, not even getting to hold the belt for more than 24 hours each time, before dropping it to Hogan the night after winning them.

*honestly, I can’t recall a single instance where Macho pinned Hogan, cleanly

Even as a rapper, the one track that most people typically remember is the titular track Be A Man, where the chorus of the entire song is “Be a man, Hogan,” where Macho Man is repeatedly calling out Hulk Hogan in rhyme, but the point is clear that even long after their wrestling careers, Hogan was still implanted firmly in Macho’s butthole.

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The leg drop really is a dumb move

Over the last few days, I’ve been watching a lot of Hulk Hogan leg drops, in honor of his recent victory over Gawker.  Now, I’m still excited and happy over his victory over that shitty network of sites, but eventually I got to a point where I’d begun moving on, and watching all these montages of Hulk Hogan leg drops got me thinking about ultimately, the leg drop is kind of a dumb move.

Basically, a wrestler leaps up in the air and drapes their popliteal over their opponent’s head.  It’s basically like clotheslining someone, with your leg, and probably with less momentum, since they’re already flat on mat, and gravity probably can’t provide the same force as person(s) running at each other.

Sure, Hulk Hogan made the move famous, but there’s no denying that when you take the Hulkster factor out of the equation, it’s still a pretty mundane and lackluster maneuver.

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When “owned” just doesn’t cut it

To add insult to injury: Jurors who recently awarded a $115 million dollar verdict in favor of Hulk Hogan have declared an additional $25 million dollars owed to the Hulkster in punitive damages, bringing the total of money owed to Hogan for posting his sex tape to a whopping $140 million dollars.

I ran out of words to express how delighted I was to have seen Hulk Hogan take down Gawker in court three days ago. Yet it’s becoming the gift that keeps on giving, as Gawker is deservedly kicked while already down, for another $25 million dollars thanks to their reckless “journalism” and arrogant believe they were invincible behind First Amendment rights.

Owned” simply isn’t a sufficient term to describe just how dominating of a comeuppance beatdown Gawker was just given by Hulkamania. I want to force phrases like “Hulk hOwgan’d” or some shit, but know there’s no chance in hell it would stick. Unless another marquee lawsuit springs up featuring a fairly prominent figure versus a smarmy hack journalism outlet where the plaintiff succeeds, and people start using Hulk Hogan-ing as a verb to describe defeating crooked journalists, that is.

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AS IF THERE WERE ANY DOUBT

Get owned, Gawker – Floridalol jury awards Terry “‘The Immortal’ Hulk HoganBollea a $115 million dollar verdict against snarky website, Gawker, for violation of privacy, when they posted a sex tape of Hulk Hogan back in 2012.

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Oh, I can’t get enough of this story.  I mean, it was about as much of a layup as they come, but it still excites me to see the conclusion to this lawsuit that was forgone three years ago, but still had to be played out.

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Hogan v. Gawker lols

I think these guys don’t seem to grasp the notion that they’re in court in the state of Florida.

This is a state that can’t seem to do anything right, the craziest people on the planet originate from, is home to places as vapid and superficial as Miami yet house the vast majority of the United States’ senior citizen populace, and least of all, understand the difference between sarcasm and the literal.

When Floridians hear a snarky remark about how age-4 is the bar in which it’s okay to show sex tapes of anyone olderthey just might take it seriously and believe it.

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Well I know who I’m rooting for

Long story short: Gawker Media prepares for lawsuit that could very well take down the entire media conglomerate.  Their opponent?  Hulk Hogan, who is suing them for publishing a supercut of a Hulk Hogan sex tape and refusing to take it down.

Hogan v. Gawker.

Man, this story just writes itself.  This is already better than Mayweather vs. Pacquiao.

It’s no secret that I don’t really care much for Gawker, or their network of sites, despite the fact that I admit to looking at stuff on Kotaku, Deadspin and Jalopnik every now and then; let’s be real here, they’re for the most part work-safe, and their network of writers are somewhat efficient at finding interesting stories to give little credit to the original sources.

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