The power of PowerPoint

I try and not have a lot of things in my life that I can legitimately say that I hate, as unbelievable as that may sound.  But seriously, I think that it takes a modicum of emotional attachment to hate something, and there are times in which I don’t want to give any particular person, place or thing the satisfaction of having some sort of attachment at all to me, even if it is one that of hatred.

But god damn, do I ever fucking hate PowerPoint.

Seriously, nothing ruins my day faster than having to do something in PowerPoint.  Projects in PowerPoint not only make me want to quit my job, they make me feel like the world is this gigantic flawed place where nothing can possibly go right.  They make me question existence outright, and make me feel apocalyptic feelings of ending the world and that everything on the planet is putrid shit.

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Affirmative failure to act upon equality

Instead of bitching about how much I hate PowerPoint again, I thought about the root of the cause for my hatred: I work with people that think PowerPoint is the greatest fucking concept on the planet. When I delve deeper and think about these people, I come to the conclusion that I work with people wholly unqualified, uneducated, and incapable of their positions, which begs to eventually ask the question of how these people got their jobs. And the answer to that, is sadly the easiest to hypothesize.

I recently read an article about how in Fulton County, the current workforce diversity breakdown currently stands at 83% black, 9% white, with the remaining 6% being “other,” AKA Asians and Hispanics. I live in Fulton County. Fulton County is pretty large overall, so these same statisticians saw it fit to isolate and examine just the City of Atlanta, which is within Fulton County. And within Atlanta itself, it breaks down to 75% black, 9% white, and 16% other.

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Today is one of those days

In which I feel as if I have no faith in humanity.  I’m not pompous enough to declare myself a metaphorical mister perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I’ll go as far as to say that things would be a lot better if there were more people that were a little bit more like me than what they typically are on a regular basis.  I’m amazed at how spineless, stupid, lacking in common sense, oblivious or all of the above, people sometimes are, and today is one of those days in which I can’t seem to get away from any of these metaphorical life ballasts that make my faith in people dwindle even lower than it sometimes gets.

It’s always like this snowball effect too, because it always starts very innocuously, but as they day progresses, I continue to see more and more stupidity, and then my morale towards the human race dips to where I get saddened by it, and then I become irritable.

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So you want to be a graphic designer 101

Where’d you go to school?  Savannah?  Parsons?  Ringling?  The Art Institutes of Blank?  Awesome, that’s a great start.  I assume you have mastery of one or several Adobe programs?  Excellent, that’s good to know.

Well guess what?  None of that means absolutely shit when you’re in the REAL working world, because 90% of the jobs you’ll be doing on a regular basis in working America will involve you primarily working with Microsoft Office products!  The holy grail of computer software, that can do absolutely nothing everything for absolutely nobody everyone!!!!!!!

Adobe InDesign may have trounced Quark as the standard within the Creative class when it comes to layout and publishing, but in the Corporate class, InDesign isn’t even worthy enough to take the soiled tissues that the almighty POWERPOINT uses to wipe its ass, and drop it into the toilet for it.  I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s the sad and unfortunate truth.  PowerPoint is the crown jewel of software greatness, as it’s WAY “easier” than Flash at embedding/playing video files, and so MUCH more “efficient” when it comes to creating forms and performing layout tasks!!

Adobe Photoshop may be an efficient tool amongst you nerds for making your memes and cheezeburgers, editing pictures of cats and putting esoteric jokes on top of existing graphics, but when it comes to true graphic design excellence, look no further than MICROSOFT WORD as the gold standard when it comes to getting shit done.  It only takes a genius level intellect to realize that none of the functions are decipherable without the assistance of Google to look up how the most logical of ideas are executed.  Word does everything.  Photoshop can only crank out lame jokes, while Word CAN WRITE.  Not only can it write, it comes with a library of pre-existing CLIP ART which are fail-proof when it comes to accentuating points and messages.  And you can drag and drop graphics from the internet RIGHT INTO Word, without needing to concern yourself about copyrights and photographic rights!

It’s cute that you guys went to art school or have a wealth of experience when it comes to using “design pro-grams,” but let’s get real, you guys.  If you want to make it in the real world, you got to be able to use the almighty Microsoft products in order to get there.

Dear world

PowerPoint is not graphic design software, never has, and never will be. If you wish for me to work on PowerPoint for your companies, I will do such since I am a slave to the rat race, but know that making me do such, I will harbor legitimate hatred for you and your company. Fuck PowerPoint and fuck you too.