Dad Brog (#094): It was bound to happen eventually

This photo here is of the remains of a snow globe that I’ve had for the last 14 years.  It was one of the few mementos I had from my time working for Cartoon Network, which to this day is still one of the feathers in my cap of my career, because I enjoyed my time there greatly, and I got to do a lot of noteworthy projects while working there.

As a freelancer, it was always hit or miss on whether or not I got to take part in any of the company perks.  Sometimes I was allowed to attend company functions, other times I was the guy that was needed to be in the office while the actual Turner employees got to.  Sometimes I was privy to swag, other times there was an air of exclusive gate keeping from the lowly hired guns.

However, this snow globe was one of the few things that I was allowed to have, and it was something that I did treasure to some capacity, long after my time at CN came to a close.  It was something fairly tasteful, branded so I would always know where it came from, and most importantly, it was exclusive.  These were only given out internally, and were not available to the public.  Those who have them, are Cartoon Network people, and it was something that I took pride in having of my own, because for the two years I was there, I was all in, wanting to be a part of the team.

Honestly, I probably should’ve moved it at the very first evidence that #1 was capable of reaching it.  Naturally, as my children grow, stand upright and become increasingly mobile and mischievous, the need to childproof things rises and rises, commensurate to their level of physical access.  And prior to this incident, I knew she was capable of reaching it, as she had done so numerous times already, but in the past, usually I’ve been readily present to be able to prevent her from harming any of the things on this particular piece of furniture, but as is often times the case with toddlers, it only takes a second and a foot apart for destruction to occur.

In some regard, I suppose I’ve been fortunate to have gone as long as this, for my kids to have destroyed something meaningful to me.  29 months since the arrival of the first one before any of them managed to find the moment of weakness in which they could inflict some damage to some personal property that’s relatively extremely difficult and costly to replace, seems like it’s been a fairly decent run.  But as the subject of this post says, it was bound to happen, eventually, probably.  Kids are kids, and sooner or later, they become destructive, whether it’s a phase or just an accident.

More importantly though, nobody was hurt or incurred any physical harm from broken glass and glittery water.  A meaningful trinket breaking is nothing compared to if my kids or mythical wife suffered any slips or cuts from the damage. 

All the same, I am pretty bummed out by this.  I really did love this silly snow globe, and as I stated, replacing it would be costly, from those former Turner folks who are hocking them on eBay for well over $130 as exclusive goods, and I don’t think I’d want a replacement anyway.  The one that broke was mine, my symbol of belonging on a team, and my personal memento of a brief but fun and memorable point in my career, and replacing it with someone else’s for the sake of having an intact variant, doesn’t seem like a justifiable idea.

Trolling the troll for the win

As I was driving to my car appointment, I drove past a house that had a massive display in their front yard that went to the trouble of spelling out, of all the things in the world, Let’s Go Brandon.  Which is basically the dog whistle phrase that hardcore baked potato worshippers have latched onto like ticks to an elephant’s asshole, for how they feel about the actual president of the United States.  And I feel stupid for having to explain but ticks on an elephant’s asshole seemed too accurate and good of an analogy to pass up.

Firstly, fewer things seem more pathetic to me than anyone, right or left, who is that into politics, that they pollute their properties with propaganda that they are so wanting everyone to notice.  Like, you have absolutely nothing else in your life to be passionate about other than politics, and to a degree that you just have to make sure everyone knows where you stand?  Quite saddening.

Second, the Let’s Go Brandon thing is about the stupidest shit I’ve seen emerge from political meme-licking over the last few decades, and between the last three presidents, we’ve definitely seen some declining bullshit over time.

The thing is though, if I’m the Democratic Party, counteracting Let’s Go Brandon should be the easiest thing in the world to do; as long as we were willing to stop trying to play so high and mighty and stop worrying about the perception of sinking to their level. 

Republicans haven’t been the least bit shy or tried to hide their willingness to capitalize on unethical shit like racism, memes, Twitter and racist memes on Twitter in order to have the upper hand in the political arena.

Plus what I’m about to suggest isn’t even unethical or underhanded, it’s just capitalizing on the opportunity that was dealt to them.

If I’m the Democratic Party, across the board, I’m pushing as many elected officials I can, whose name is Brandon.  Like, legitimately. 

Brandon Affleck for Senate in California.  Brandon Jablonski for Lt. Governor in Wisconsin.  Brandon Marshall for Secretary of State in Mississippi.  Brandon Wojchehowski for Superintendent of Education in Butts County, South Dakota.

Doesn’t matter how big or small the position is, if it’s an elected official, push out a guy named Brandon.

So when the baked potato idiots are all flapping their gums about Let’s Go Brandon or driving around with their stickers on their cars, or wearing shirts or caps with the message on it, or decorating their front yards with the message… they’ll now be supporting these actual politicians named Brandon. 

Preferably Democrats.  Or fuck, even third parties should consider capitalizing on this strategy.  I’m sure a Green or Libertarian party candidate would have more success in the ballots if their name were Brandon, solely based on voters who vote entirely on name recognition alone, which last time I checked is a legitimate reason and tactic behind why some candidates go so ham on signs and campaign awareness.

And that’s basically the point of this whole strategy.  Take the power of the message away from the baked potato’s buffoon followers and it will die faster than Kentucky in this years tournament.  But until then, let all these idiots basically be free advertising for aspiring politicians around the country named Brandon, and see just how much power at the polls name recognition alone does.

I’d wager some money that there would be a laughable amount of Brandons throughout the country who would find themselves in a job after election season is over.  Sure this bones most women and minorities from taking offices, but last time I checked it wouldn’t be illegal for Elizabeth Warren to change her name to  Elizabeth Brandon or Andrew Yang to change his name to Brandon Yang.

Fuck man.  I don’t even like politics, or ever wanted to have shared so many opinions on politics on my brog, but here we are. Fixing political scenarios for free, if I had any readership at all.

This should mean war

I heard from one of my new colleagues about this, and I had to google it to try and see with my own eyes, because I hardly leave my house in the first place.  Fortunately, photo evidence of it exists, and yeah, it’s everything that was described to me, and I’m pretty much in awe.

Basically, Bojangles has decided that they give no fucks about copyright or decorum, and has erected this giant billboard off of I-75 that flagrantly uses lightly modified versions of the Chick Fil-A mascot cows as well as the Chick Fil-A typeface, in order to push awareness of their supposed new chicken sandwich. 

Which is funny to me, considering I would’ve figured they’ve had one for the last three decades, considering they’re a chicken joint, and they could just as easily take the slabs of chicken used in the cajun filet biscuits that I get exclusively, slap them in between an actual bun with some sauce and pickles, and call it a signature sandwich.  Or maybe they have, and are just releasing something a little in competition to all the other chicken joints’ signature chicken sandwiches, who really knows.

Anyway, this is somewhat notable considering Atlanta is the home of Chick Fil-A, so Bojangles marching into the metro area and propping up a billboard like this really should be a declaration of war to some degree.  But as entertaining as it would be to see an actual war brew between fast food chicken joints, we obviously won’t see anything as flagrant as this in rebuttal, unfortunately.  And Bojangles probably knows that, which is why they did it, because to the public eye, a shot like this that goes unanswered, is a point for them.

Either way, I hold no ill will towards either company, and I enjoy their products both.  Bo’s biscuits on Sunday mornings is practically a tradition in my household, which is the perfect thing to fill the void when Chick Fil-A is closed.  But Chick Fil-A’s app is the gold standard in which all fast food joints should aspire to be, and a large reason of why I go there as often as I do, as it saves me time and aggravation, two things that are in short order when living the life I do these days, all while amassing reward points for more free shit.

But make no mistake, as far as public score keeping goes, this is a huge point for Bojangles in the supposed Restaurant Chicken Wars™.  It would be nice to see CFA respond, but everyone knows they probably won’t.  At least not in Georgia.  It would be fun to see if they drop some cheeky billboards out in Charlotte, if they already haven’t.

It’s bad when Brazil is leading the pack in anything other than futbol

WSJ (might be behind paywall): town in Brazil does “experiment” where close to 100% of adults get vaccinated, to “surprising” results

I obviously use quotations ironically, because it’s pathetic that American media is in this place where common sense is considered experimental, and the results are anything other than flagrantly obvious.  The fact that this is happening in Brazil of all places in the world, and not anywhere in the United States is pathetic, sad, disappointing and all other pejoratives applicable to describe just how third fourth world America acts sometimes.

Needless to say, since nobody actually needs to read the article behind the paywall to take a wild guess at what happens, but when 98% of all adults in a population of 45,000 get vaccinated, coronavirus numbers plummet, and the town of Serrana, Brazil has officially become somewhat of a safe haven oasis from COVID-19, and life has basically turned back into a state of being prior to the pandemic.

The “experiment” at this point can be considered a rousing success, and I can only wish that the legions of fucking idiot Americans would use this as a basis to follow suit, but we all know that that’s never going to happen because we are basically the dumbest country on the planet, cumulatively.

But yeah, a small town in Brazil; a mostly impoverished country, where they’re mostly known for futbol, Victoria’s Secret models, trolling League of Legends and annually converging onto Disney World much to the dismay of those who work there, has basically shown the rest of the world that they’re twelve steps ahead of the curve when it comes to handling the pandemic.  They’ve already declared check mate, while the rest of the world is still Googling what a Sicilian or the queen’s gambit is.

I don’t like to give Brazil credit if I don’t have to, but good on them for having the common sense to strive for 100% vaccination rates among adults.  The rewards are obvious and palpable, and the rest of the world looks like fucking idiots for failing to exercise common sense in the most common sense of scenarios.

Who changes their name first: the Redskins or Patriots?

Serious question.  Based on how often the phrase “patriots” has been thrown around unironically, I can’t help but wonder if people who work for the New England Patriots football franchise wince or cringe every time they hear it.  Obviously, there’s zero (I hope) correlation between a professional football team’s identity, and a legion of white supremacist fascists, but the word is the same and when enough people hear it enough with a negative connotation, the association tends to stick, even when used in completely unrelated context.

In a very short amount of time, the phrase patriots has mutated into this very ugly and unappealing definition, and I really do wonder if this keeps up, there will be enough of an uproar and backlash to the New England Patriots to where they will actually begin considering changing their entire franchise’s name.

Obviously, when it comes to the original question, it stands to believe that the Redskins are the lock to win this “race,” seeing as how the Redskins name has been put on the shelf already, but I’m not going to give them any sort of victory until they actually pick a new name and stop parading around as the interim “Football Team” they’ve used throughout 2020.

But lest we all forget, this much progress has taken almost literally my entire lifetime, so if there was any franchise that could get overtaken by lightning in a bottle, it’s definitely the Washington Washingtons. 

We live in a very fast-moving world now where there’s little patience and even less regard for repercussions and backlash, and if the association of the word patriots continues to spiral and become more solely linked to racism, white supremacy and people who would dare attempt to disrupt and overthrow governments, the sooner the New England Patriots might want to consider renaming themselves.

Think I’m going to have to rule this race, a jump ball.

Today was supposed to be a good day

Reverend Raphael Warnock and Jon Ossoff defeated Kelly Loeffler and David Purdue in senate races, one tighter than the other but the results the same, but Georgia basically saved the country from Mitch McConnell’s continued reign of tyranny, and now both the House and the Senate are controlled by team blue.

But then in Washington D.C., a substantially sized army of baked potato fanatics converged on, and then stormed the Capitol, many carrying arms, and interrupting the count of electoral votes to formally confirm the victory of Joe Biden.  One woman was shot and subsequently killed, the police did mostly nothing, and hundreds of ‘Murican terrorists trolled the federal landmark, forcing evacuations and hiding of numerous senators and the vice president of the United States too.

The actions of all these maniacs were all pretty deplorable no matter what way it’s looked at, but it’s the visuals alone that told a hundred different stories of one frightening reality, that among the 74 million racists that voted for the baked potato, there is an alarming number of them that are so fanatically devoted to their fuhrer that they’re willing to act in such extreme, militant ways and with such disregard to law and democracy, that they would basically participate in a flagrant coup attempt to basically ruin the entire country.

I saw this one picture of people scaling the walls of the Capitol, and all I could think of was how it reminded me of like, the white walkers that were crawling all over the walls of the cave of the Three Eyed Raven in Game of Thrones, or more accurately, the Battle at Helms Deep from The Two Towers, where orcs were scaling the walls trying to get in.  Metaphorically, there’s not much difference between all three of these comparisons; it’s a bunch of degenerate trolls trying to get into somewhere they shouldn’t be in, to do nefarious things.

A lot of fancy words are being thrown around to try and describe the whole scenario, but make no mistake that it was domestic terrorism at its very worst.  I’m not politically savvy enough to really expound on the more granular details of the whole situation, but ultimately what is prompting me to write is that despite the fact that I think that America just fucking sucks right now, it’s like a mom joke, where I’m allowed to say mean things like that, but it’s because at the root of things I do care, and the fact that we all had to bear witness to our country being so despicably disrespected and dishonored by such terrible people, it just makes me, really upset and sad.

Like, the words “it’s just sad,” escaped my mouth at least 52 times as the afternoon transpired and the sun set and we went into the evening, with baked potato trolls all still trolling around Washington D.C.  Friends of mine and I often wondering how only one of them was shot, knowing the obvious answer that them being white basically makes them bulletproof, and also wondering why nobody seemed to have been arrested, with the answer remaining the same.

But it’s because it really was truly saddening, that such a thing could even happen, and basically all perpetrators get away with it, and then we don’t have to look any further than the sore loser president with two weeks left on the job basically orchestrating the mother of temper tantrums, thinking-he’s-being-cleverly egging on his mindless goon followers to simmer down, knowing full well they really aren’t.  Everyone knows he gets off on knowing he has such a devoted following, and all people like me can really hope for is that their general protection disappears once he’s out of office.

Regardless, there’s no going back in time no matter how much we wished there was, and on this day, a legitimate coup attempt happened in America, and it was very much encouraged by a sitting president of the United States, jilted at the defeat he suffered in the last election, and would rather attempt to burn down the country that put him in power, than amicably transferring it over to his successor.

Just a day prior, the democratic process shone bright as a star in Georgia, as a record number of voters poured out, understanding that they held the more or less fate of the entire country in their hands, and people voted for the most qualified candidates to lead them forward.  And then one day later, one pissy orange oompa Loompa manages to take all that political equity, and burn it right to the fucking ground.

It’s just sad.

Few things are as satisfying as watching shitheads turn on each other

More specifically: after losing Georgia to Democrats for the first time since Bill Clinton, the baked potato publicly lashes out at Georgia governor Bubba Kemp for not helping him cheat to win, states he is ashamed to have ever endorsed him

Actually the headline is a little inaccurate, as it’s more accurate to say that the baked potato has turned on Bubba, while Bubba, in typical Bubba fashion has cowered completely to his lord king in chief and has gone completely silent in response, like a scared cat that just saw a cucumber.  Just like he went completely quiet after the baked potato publicly lambasted him after “reopening” Georgia way too soon amidst the pandemic, he’s basically in hiding until the heat dies down.

There’s really not much more to say about this, honestly.  Baked potato is just steaming because he lost Georgia, a state that’s historically almost automatically red, and for the first time since I’ve lived here, I can really say that I’m proud to be a Georgia resident. 

I wrote a few more paragraphs but Word shit the bed on me and lost it all, and I have no desire to re-write any of it because it’s about politics and once is too much as it is, so I’ll just leave it at the fact that I love watching shitheads turn on each other, and it’s great to see them flaming each other instead of respectively griefing the state and the country instead.