I get accused of being a racist a lot, but to be perfectly honest, I deserve it. I derive an immense amount of humor out of politically incorrect things, and I love to point out when things seem racist in my opinion. I say a lot of politically incorrect things around those I have confidence around, but when the day is over, I’m not going to act on my racism, because that would be bigotry, and that, I do think is pretty wrong.
But today was an example of why I get the impression that I’m generally disliked by my fellow Koreans, in an ironic case of I guess, self-racism. There are a lot of Koreans that work in my building in general. I’ve made their smoking habits the subject of my observations of people, but for the most part, I have no ill-will towards them. I don’t necessarily think it goes the other way though; the impression I get from these Korean people are about the same as I tend to get from most other Koreans who have immigrated to the United States; an overwhelming desire to stay away from me.
I’m a very observant person, if it’s not well known to those I know. Whether I like to or not, I tend to recognize faces, recognize patterns and tendencies of people, whether I know them or not. Especially with a building where everyone sees everyone on a long enough timeline, I’m fairly good at remembering little, inconsequential and unsubstantial details on a sporadic basis.
Today, I got on an elevator after my workout. Typically, I prefer to have elevators to myself, so I don’t get aggravated by the asshole who takes the elevator to floor two, but there are unwritten rules to society, like the courtesy look back to see if there’s anyone else within reasonable distance who might also need to get aboard. When I glance back, I see this one Korean guy I recognize from my floor, and he sees me get into the elevator. He’s well within the time to be capable of getting on my elevator, so I stick my arm in the sensor to hold the door open. I glance back out and see him in the reflection of another door, waiting with his hand hovering over the call button for my door to close, so that he can push it to summon the next elevator that would obviously not have me on it.
I mean really, fuck that guy, but honestly, I don’t know what it is about me that makes me so abhorred by other Koreans.
Since I know so many weeaboos and people who think Japan is the bee’s knees, I’ll put it in an analogy that would make it easier to understand: Japan is notoriously racist, in Japan, and aside from them historically hating Koreans and all other Asian races, thinking they’re the elite race of the entire region, they’re bad enough to be racist and bitter to their own kind, if they were born elsewhere and are visiting Japan as foreigners.
Well, Koreans are exactly the same way.
That’s my general hypothesis to why I’m so shunned by any Koreans that weren’t born in the North America like I was. I get along fine with fellow Koreans that were American-born like I was. I’m certainly proud of my Korean heritage, but I’m not going to sugar-coat it; I’m about as white as Larry Bird, Scott Skiles and Eminem.
Korean immigrants see me, and they treat me like I’m the one walking around in Korea as the tourist that deserves no attention, no eye contact, and no human interaction. And well, fuck all of them; I don’t smoke like chimneys, and I don’t feel the need to limit myself to interaction exclusive to my own race.
In a way, I think the fact that I feel like I’m treated like such shit by other Koreans is what makes me more predisposed to being racist. It’s not that I’m using it as an excuse, but when I think back in my life, I don’t really know why I always found racist stuff so funny; granted, I did witness a lot of shady shit that black people tried to pull on my parents when they ran a restaurant in a predominantly black Oxon Hill, Maryland, and it was two black guys that broke into my house that I chased off and eventually got put in jail, but it’s naive of me to blame ALL blacks for the behavior of a few degenerates.
In a way, I also think this kind of behavior is why I’m so averse to other Koreans, when it comes to looking for a girl. Based on how I’ve been treated by other Koreans throughout my life, I kind of hate other Koreans. Obviously this is an umbrella statement, as I’ve gotten along fine with other white-washed/American-born Koreans like myself, but the point remains, a lot of the time, Korean girls often fall into the lumped group of people who have been treating me like an alien throughout my life.
This is a post that stems mostly from my disappointment that some Korean asshole couldn’t be man enough to dare ride an elevator with me, the white-washed Twinkie banana, but it’s way beyond just this isolated incident.
I feel like a Hines Ward story, but the difference is that the blood that runs through my veins is 100% Korean.