Not just because Marissa Mayer, the CEO of Yahoo looks like total wifey material, but primarily for her actions, namely the one that has got her in the most childishly stupid of hot water. I can assume that most people have heard about it by now, but if you’ve been living under a rock, Mayer has pretty much told all Yahoo employees that working from home is no longer an option, and that they have to show up to work, or quit. Naturally, this has caused a monumental uproar from all of the Yahoo employees who abused the option to work from home, and they’re up in arms, and bringing everyone they can with them to fight the pointless fight.
I am unequivocally, 100% on Marissa Mayer’s side on this argument. The concept of “working from home” is one of the biggest crocks in the history of mankind, and there is absolutely nothing that could convince me that someone working from home, unsupervised and immersed in all of their worldly possessions and distractions, could actually be more productive than someone actually present in the workplace. I just don’t think it’s possible at all. I would really like to see each and every one of these Yahoo employees who are crying foul on this whole thing to try and prove otherwise, because already many have already fallen flat on their faces in attempting to do such.
Some of the biggest fail challenges are the people who claim that this completely screws up their parenting. That having to go to the office and do their job interferes with them being to stay home and well, not do their job, in favor of parenting, and all other job-irrelevant tasks and activities. Oh, I’m sorry Yahoo employee, that you have to GO to work and DO YOUR JOB. I guess you’ll have to be like all the other plebeians, and hire a babysitter or a nanny to care for your kids while you GO DO YOUR JOB.
The people pulling the parenting cards are the first group of Yahoo employees should be considered for dismissal and replacement; they’re already admitting that they’re not actually working from home, and that their productivity is compromised by the presence of children. Furthermore, they’re undermining their own positions by essentially admitting that their day’s work can be completed in less than typical eight-hour days; if it’s so easy, couldn’t it be consolidated and streamlined to be more efficient and cost-effective?
But I have to imagine that the best arguments are the people who don’t have the parenting card to fall back onto. I have to imagine that most of these motherfuckers are the laziest and most self-entitled sacks of shit on the face on the planet. They work for Yahoo, and have a nice name that everyone recognizes as their employer, but then they stay at home and sleep in, strategically send/respond to emails at interval times to make it look like that they’re always at their desk, and spend their entire days doing just about everything possible that has nothing to do with Yahoo-related work. They’ll watch TV, take nice, long and leisurely lunch breaks, go run errands, pleasure themselves and screw around on the internet all between 9 to 5, and then call it a day. Life is so difficult!
“Working” from home should always, always be the exception and never the rule, and those people who have made it the rule should all be shown the door, and not even be given the opportunity to keep their job if they so much as make a single bitch, moan or cry. Not only are they lucky to be working for a brand as powerful as Yahoo, they’re lucky to have a fucking job at all. There are countless hundreds of thousands of Americans who would be willing to walk on their hands to work just to go have a job at all, let alone with a company like Yahoo, and there are lazy motherfuckers bitching about having to go IN to work? Simply fucking amazing. I would like to say “Fuck you” to every single Yahoo employee who is up in arms about having to report to the office now, because if I were Marissa Mayer, I would have fired you on the spot if the first thing you said wasn’t “Okay, yes, I will return to the office.”
I think this decision to nix telecommuting is brilliant on so many accounts, which furthers this admiration I have for Mayer. The decision was made because:
The reason for the policy change was that Yahoo found many of its telecommuters weren’t productive, according to Business Insider. Many of them were depicted as hiding out, with Yahoo apparently unaware that some still worked for the company…
Surprise! People working from home were not as productive as those working in an office! Surprise of the century!
It’s not like I visit Yahoo.com on a regular basis, other than to occasionally check some sock-puppet email accounts, but for what it’s worth, based on my observations, their site has always worked, and I’ve nary had problems with their services. I have a few domains registered through their Small Business sector, and it’s always been easy and fair priced going through Yahoo.
But the point is, even with all this dead weight clinging to Yahoo, from my perspective, Yahoo has been treading water just fine. That’s where the genius comes in, because by forcing their lazy telecommuting employees back into the office, or letting them go and replacing them with competent, not-lazy employees, Yahoo’s in a position to become productive right now. It’s like when a gym-goer takes a week off from going to the gym, but when they go back, their muscles are well-rested and ready for work again, and physical progress improves afterward.
If I played the stock market, I’d be buying some Yahoo shares right about now, because with an influx of productivity on the horizon, it might not be substantial, but I think there’s a period of growth and development on the way from Yahoo, even if all their dead weight employees are grumbling right now.
It’s a no-lose situation for Mayer. The sad lazy QQing employees can either begin reporting to work, or they’ll very easily be replaced by the legions of qualified replacements desperately seeking work, and would be willing to crawl to Yahoo’s offices for just a job at all. Either way, with offices stocked with employees again, there’s really nowhere for Yahoo to go but upward from here.
And that’s simply brilliant on Mayer’s part. She clearly doesn’t give a flying fuck about what her lazy telecommuting employees think about her or her new rule, because in a year when Yahoo’s stock has risen because of the results of productivity, not a single person is going to bring up how much she pissed off the lazy, worthless employees.
I’ll admit, she was kind of given a lucky hand in this regard, but she still took the initiative to disregard the irrelevant personal feelings that were going to be the result of this decision, and took the bull by its fucking horns. I totally dig strong, fearless women, and I think that’s why I think I love this woman.
