Typically, whenever we play League of Legends, win or lose, there’s not a whole lot of banter in the post-game lobby unless there are some legit praise to be given out, or some trash talking that must continue beyond the end result. Usually, it’s the fake and hollow “good game” remarks, portrayed by the simple “gg” letters. Leaving without saying anything, if you’re on the losing side is immediately interpreted as being butthurt about losing, akin to the ever-entertaining ragequit.
The following is a partial transcript from a post-game lobby following a victory, with my friends Allison and Shane bantering with members from the losing team who relentlessly tried to get us to play a rematch against them, which we declined because there was no point. It’s eventually revealed that these guys are all friends, unlike the happenstance of being matched up with strangers in LoL, and like the all-knowing teenagers of tomorrow, go ahead and surrender their actual ages, which is more or less, 16.
These are the guys that will eventually be the vast majority of America’s workforce in about 10 years. Try not to jump off any cliffs out of the realization of depression after reading this.
ALL names changed, because I don’t want to give out the names of my friends and I, and I don’t want these guys to be psychotic enough to google their user names and actually find my brog. Except all references to “roy” or “rob” are me, that much is okay to know.
danny: Wacka’s up to like 30 stacks
danny: better be careful of him
Shane: Did Wacka really put his age in his tag?
ZgeneralDonnaMartinMartinZ: DA **** UP CHUD
danny: who’s the chud
danny: what’s a chud?
Shane: So I should be like Shane34?
Allison: he doesn’t plan to mature past 16
Twizzteddecizion: your 34
McDish: Shaneimafufunigga
Shane: That’s apparently.
Twizzteddecizion: and u playing league xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Shane: *You’re
Twizzteddecizion: YOUUREFASWER
Shane: Yep.
danny: generaldonnaMartinmartin if you could get your friend to stop repeating th esame thing i’m curious to know what a chud is
Shane: I do this crazy thing.
Shane: Where I go to work.
ZgeneralDonnaMartinMartinZ: DA FUK UP ROY
ZgeneralDonnaMartinMartinZ: DA FUK UP ROY
Twizzteddecizion: 34?
ZgeneralDonnaMartinMartinZ: DA FUK UP ROY
Shane: Come home.
ZgeneralDonnaMartinMartinZ: DA FUK UP ROY
ZgeneralDonnaMartinMartinZ: DA FUK UP ROY
Shane: Spend time with my family.
Twizzteddecizion: You go to work?
ZgeneralDonnaMartinMartinZ: DA FUK UP ROY
Shane: And then chill for a bit with friends.
danny: since Wacka’s incapable o fsaying anything else i’m going to mute him
danny: i’m enjoying conversing with the rest of you
Twizzteddecizion: this ***** really puts periods in his sentence
Shane: That’s correct. I go to work.
McDish: DONT CALL WACKA A ******
Shane: The best part.
Twizzteddecizion: OR IL PULL THE TRIGGER
McDish: REPORTED *****
Shane: Is for many years I was a teacher.
Twizzteddecizion: What did you teach?
Shane: You’re a moron McD.
Twizzteddecizion: sucking ****?
Twizzteddecizion: jk
Shane: Because – lobby can’t get reported.
McDish: you spelt ****** wrong shane
Twizzteddecizion: xD
Shane: Good chance I had some of you in my classes.
Twizzteddecizion: XD
Shane: I taught special education.
McDish: theres a reason why they put you with them
Twizzteddecizion: lol
ZgeneralDonnaMartinMartinZ: HAHAHAHA
McDish: you still havent figured it out yet im guessing
Allison: Hey let’s all be friends on facebook. Who’s in
danny: i have filters on, so i’m not sure what you guys are saying that’s starred out
Shane: Because I can handle dealing with people with lower IQ’s… it’s why I’m still talking to you.
ZgeneralDonnaMartinMartinZ: DA FUK UP ROY
danny: contextually, it sounds like you’re making racist remarks
ZgeneralDonnaMartinMartinZ: DA FUK UP ROY
danny: if i were black, i might be really offended
Twizzteddecizion: FOO FOO ***** AQS***FZV@ stfu rastclot
Twizzteddecizion: $@$gf#% trill
Allison: So I guess that means no. Too bad.
Allison: I am pretty likeable
danny: man, the cost of ritalin must have gone up in 2014
danny: such angry youths of tomorrow
Twizzteddecizion: Ritalin
Twizzteddecizion: wtf
ZgeneralDonnaMartinMartinZ: DA FUK UP ROY
Shane: Hey guys.
Shane: Guys.
Shane: Wait.
danny: donnaMartin, you’re a pearl
danny: <3
Shane: Did you see that Wacka didn’t get a kill the entire game?
ZgeneralDonnaMartinMartinZ: DA FUK UP ROY
danny: oh yeah, the numbers
Shane: And did you see that Twizzteddecizion didn’t get a kill the entire game?
Shane: Oh wait.
danny: man, you guys didn’t do very well
Shane: Wait.
Shane: One second.
Twizzteddecizion: and did you see i joined 10 mins late
Shane: Did you see that I, playing Garen, got 14 kills and your entire team got 12?
danny: donnaMartin was in at the same time i did
Shane: But Garen sucks.
Shane: Too easy.
danny: and she went down faster than a dress on prom night
Twizzteddecizion: but your bronze
Shane: *You’re
Allison: My bronze what?
danny: or in the case of 16 year olds, i guess the sadie hawkins dance
Twizzteddecizion: You’re ******* bronze
Twizzteddecizion: sadie hawkins dance?
ZgeneralDonnaMartinMartinZ: I AM A MAN AND DA FUK UP ROY
danny: although i’m pretty sure this day and age they don’t have sadie hawkins dances anymore
Twizzteddecizion: da fuq
Twizzteddecizion: DA Fuq is that
danny: ^
Twizzteddecizion: yoooo
Shane: Ask your mom.
danny: confirmed
Shane: She knows.
Twizzteddecizion: i think u should get off this game
Shane: *not a your mom joke.
Twizzteddecizion: ik
Shane: I think you get off on this game.
Twizzteddecizion: but you kinda old
Twizzteddecizion: tbh
Shane: You kinda young.
Shane: tbh
Twizzteddecizion: sadiw hawk dance -_-
danny: you’re kind of young
danny: i enjoy this game
danny: regardless of how old i am
Shane: Also – news flash.
McDish: you dont enjoy ***** thats for sure
Twizzteddecizion: ^
danny: and the screen still says victory
Shane: The majority of people that design and play this game on in our age range, not yours.
Twizzteddecizion: it says victory
Twizzteddecizion: for me
Twizzteddecizion: ye
Twizzteddecizion: they all suck
Shane: Wacka left.
Shane: Did he have homework?
ZgeneralDonnaMartinMartinZ: there is a simple solution to all of this just get off this game and go rest your bones
danny: smartest one of the lot
Allison: No his mom needed to use the computer.
danny: see, that’s the beauty of this game
Shane: This is me resting my bones.
danny: i’m sitting down
danny: and therefore resting
Shane: That.
danny: you guys are just making this resting more fun
Shane: Also that.
Twizzteddecizion: i bet you a fat *** *****
Twizzteddecizion: i bet my life on that
McDish: rob you fat **** no one is talking to you
danny: i might be on the slightly obese side of american standards
Shane: I bet you have pimples and no car.
danny: but i’m betting so are you
Twizzteddecizion: OBESE
Twizzteddecizion: 6 more years
McDish: ew merica
Twizzteddecizion: til 40 year old virgin
Shane: I’d have to disagree. Roy is not obese.
Allison: If he isn’t yet, he will be.
Shane: Also – I have two kids.
Shane: So that argument is pretty dumb.
Twizzteddecizion: how old?
McDish: they probably hate you
danny: so that’s 24 years for you?
ZgeneralDonnaMartinMartinZ: your vagina must be fucked up then
Shane: Not yet, thankfully. But if they turn out like you? Who gives a ****.
Allison: I’m not friends with fat people. So let me know if any of you guys are fat cause I’ll cancel the facebook friend request.
danny: twisted, i was thinking you were the smartest of your group
danny: actually, that distinction was probably le grand
McDish: you shouldnt be swearing to a 16 year old
Twizzteddecizion: i aint fat
Twizzteddecizion: i play sports
danny: but he’s not speaking enough
Shane: Or smart.
Shane: What sports?
danny: i hate to break it to you twisted
Allison: Ok, good. Then you may accept my friendship.
Shane: Water polo?
danny: league isn’t a real sport
Twizzteddecizion: soccer
Twizzteddecizion: ball
danny: even if there are pros
Twizzteddecizion: water polo?…
Shane: Soccer ball isn’t a sport.
Twizzteddecizion: league isnt a sport
Shane: Agreed.
McDish: HAHAHHAHH MANS A ******* IDIOT
Twizzteddecizion: its an addiction
Twizzteddecizion: best players are playing 20 hours a day
Twizzteddecizion: soccer,
Twizzteddecizion: ,basketball*
danny: so they sleep only 4 hours?
danny: that’s not very healthy
Shane: I bet you shoot free throws and three pointers, because you’re white as hell.
McDish: **** outta here rob
Twizzteddecizion: what?
danny: man, scott skiles was awesome
danny: so was john Stockton
danny: those cats were way better than steve nash
Twizzteddecizion: what sports do you play?
danny: aw, donnaMartin left
danny: i was hoping for another DA FUK UP ROY
Allison: Is she hot
Twizzteddecizion: lebron
Twizzteddecizion: is the best
Twizzteddecizion: DA FUK UP ROY
Shane: Played football, lacrosse, tennis, and soccer in highshool.
danny: thanks twisted
danny: i was beginning to get lonely
Twizzteddecizion: np 😀
McDish: so you are saying that you were openly gay?
danny: lebron is not the best
danny: michael jordan was way better than lebron ever was
Twizzteddecizion: no
Twizzteddecizion: how
danny: hell, bill russell was better than lebron
danny: if you like league, you like numbers, no
danny: compare the numbers
danny: enough said
Shane: Openly gay because I played soccer? What does that make TD?
McDish: cause you played tennis
McDish: ******* idiot
Twizzteddecizion: bill russel better than lebron xD
Shane: Yeah. Tennis is pretty gay.
Twizzteddecizion: wtf
danny: i like how McDish is the guy who only chimes in with cusswords
McDish: you got your degree from those mental students
Shane: But it kept me in shape for football.
danny: it’s like twisted is million dollar man
danny: and McDish is virgil
danny: lonely, lonely virgil
Shane: I’m not sure if you understand how education system works.
McDish: rob you are slightly obese stfu
danny: which kind of explains why he hates black people so much
Allison: they’re probably homeschooled
Twizzteddecizion: hes black
Shane: Right?! That mans in good shape.
danny: then again, that justifies the virgil comparison
Shane: Good point! Probably Mormon.
Twizzteddecizion: homeschooled…
Allison: so i’m right?
Twizzteddecizion: no
danny: i think we’ve exhausted their intellectual capacity
Twizzteddecizion: public school
Allison: I’m rich so private school for me
Shane: Don’t worry – you’ll do great a your community college.
McDish: is rob one of your mental students ?
danny: yes
danny: i went to school in a bubble
danny: i have a weak immune system
Shane: They made a documentary about it.
Shane: Called “Bubble Boy”
McDish: wow, white comedy= not funny at all
Shane: It’s on Netflix.
Twizzteddecizion: naw
Twizzteddecizion: >>>> white people
danny: are you guys out of trash talk?
Shane: YOU ARE WHITE
danny: uh oh McDish be on his own
danny: UH OH
Allison: wait. have you guys actually made any jokes? I’d like to compare
danny: UH OH
danny: UH OH
I know LoL players aren’t exactly the greatest barometer of humanity, but this is still an interesting sample of what kind of people exist out there, and what’s in store for the world in about 8-10 years, when it’s going to be the expected responsibility of these types of people to be running the odds and ends of the country.
In the span of a 15-minute conversation, they’ve expressed racism, homophobia, intolerance for handicapped, those with special needs, and a whole fuckton of profanity, that apparently since I have chat filters still turned on, I’m not entirely sure what they’re saying, although through context, a lot of it seems to be hatred for black people.
I don’t claim that I’m a particularly smart person, although I try to sound smarter than I am often times. Regardless, I try not to act like the smartest person in the world, but against these retards, it’s like it takes a conscious effort to dumb myself down to where I can communicate with them. I didn’t have to use any profanity, slurs or any genuinely offensive remarks with these kids; by simply acting their age, they did a more than sufficient job at making themselves look like dumbasses on their own.
These guys, believe it or not, are going to be the workforce of tomorrow. I’m not saying they’re going to be CEOs and business owners or anything, but for all the public servants and non-essential-but-really-essential personnel of the world, these are going to be those guys.
Pull the gun away from your head, and put it down now.
