This stuff writes itself

Long story short: WWE wrestler Daniel Bryan comes home, discovers two men fleeing after breaking into his residence, gives chase, catches one, takes him down and puts him in a chokehold until authorities arrive.

I know people think wrestling is all fake and all, but it’s stories like this that I always get a ton of enjoyment out of, because in spite of the scripted storylines and predetermined match outcomes, the physicality of wrestling is still very real.

It’s apparent that the burglars had to know they were breaking into Daniel Bryan’s home, because it’s implied that they might have been the ones to have done it ten days prior. Clearly, they had no fear of robbing a person who emulates violence for a living, or the repercussions that could have occurred if they ran into said person, since they tried.

What’s funny to me is that Daniel Bryan’s first instinct to do upon catching the crook, was a wrestling maneuver. Sure, he does it for a living, but in the land of reality, a physical strike of some sort would be my first instinct. When I chased off the two thugs that broke into my house while I was home, I ran at them with a metal baseball bat, and thoughts of putting them into a LaBell Lock with it were the last thing in my mind.

Regardless, DB takes the guy down and puts him in a rear-naked choke until the cops arrive. The best part about it is his complete discount of a guy whom he acted upon first, without even considering if he were armed or not:

“He was very, very tired and it literally took zero effort to take him down,”

One of these days, I’m going to defeat someone at something, and I’m going to use the phrase “literally took zero effort” regardless of it were true or not. It’s so arrogant and self-championing that I can’t help but love it.

I’m not sure if this overtakes Chris Masters’ uprooting of a tree to use as a battering ram to rescue his mother from a burning home. Actually, it doesn’t, because nothing is more entertaining than Chris Masters uprooting an entire tree to use as a battering ram to rescue his mother from a burning home. But it’s still pretty awesome that Daniel Bryan ran down a burglar and choked him out, in “the real world.”

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