Superstition would dictate that I would never share the details of any contest that I was interested in. I know far too many talented people out there whose skills, acumen and tenacity render me the equivalent of like a toddler when it comes to particular contests. Call me selfish, but sometimes I’d rather not have the super-talented people I know in my life not beating the shit out of me in any forms of contest.
But in an ironic sense that because of the server outage, nobody will actually read this until god knows when, I feel like I can talk about this contest whose hat that I’m going to throw my name into. Without concern of jinxing it, or having anyone I know being better than me at it and winning it out from under my nose.
Thankfully this is a contest that I’m fairly certain nobody I know would, much less could, or even want – to challenge me in. Because most people I know aren’t obsessive and insane about burritos, and typically probably have better things to do with their time and lives.
I got an email from Willy’s, the burrito chain that holds a dear spot in my gluttonous heart. Long story short: visit all 27 Atlanta-area (plus one in fucking Athens) Willy’s locations, take a picture of the receipts, and try and be one of five nutjobs to be first to submit.
All five winners ultimately get “a year’s worth of burritos,” which is ultimately explained as “one free entrée a week,” because the prize is clarified as being 52 one-free-entrée cards.
Bonus to the very first nutjob: catered party for 20.
Additional bonus for anyone who can get the 28th location, in Atlanta Hartsfield Latoya Jackson Intergalactic Nail Salon and Wing Emporium Airport Terminal B: $50 in Willy’s gift cards.
Anyway, I’m going to embark on this contest, because I legitimately think I can win. Whether or not I can be the first insane burrito maniac with no life to submit will be determined, but I like to think that I might be able to be one of five gluttonous pigs who can knock all 27 locations out.
Because, I’m a competitive motherfucker, and I’ve got a plan (and no life) to visit as many Willy’s as I can in as short a time as possible, and want to finish in like 5 days and not 45. The contest states no rules that I specifically have to get a burrito, so as far as I’m concerned, I could very well as go to all 27 Willy’s and get 27 fountain drinks, as long as I have the receipts to document them. So, I’m confident that I can knock out chunks of Willy’s over the span of just a few days, and not drag this out.
And it’s not because the prize is any real grand prize or anything. At the very most, I could probably get a burrito or an order of nachos up to like $9-10, and multiplying that by 52, then the total value of the prize is roughly $475-520. The catering would be pretty valuable, but as I said, I’m not going to pretend like I’m the only one out there who’s having these insane plans. And I have no intention of waiting until late-July, which is the next time I have a flight planned, to submit my submission, because I want to get that bonus 28th Airport Willy’s on the list.
Ultimately, I want to do it because when the day is over, I love Willy’s, and I’d love to be able to do something that gets me some notoriety or be known by a company whose product I love and support. Not to mention the bragging rights (nobody with a right mind would want) of being able to say that I’m retarded enough to visit 27 identical restaurants just for fountain drinks and a few burritos in the span of days.
Not to mention I legitimately think I can win one of five psychopath slots. If anything at all, it’s a story that I can share, but I hope that I can share it as a winner, with 52 free burritos or plates of nachos in the bank waiting for my gluttony.