The Pikachu Game stories, July 16-23

Fucking milennials.  Haven’t they played an RPG before?  Don’t they understand that as players become more experienced, the difficult just might scale?  Haven’t they ever endured some video game grinding before??

This particular article, documenting the “agonizing” process in which The Pikachu Game has the audacity to scale and continuously add more and more experience requirements to hit higher levels, and all I really get out of it is that today’s video gamers simply don’t have the tenacity or patience to know what it’s like to achieve the next numbered level, once they’ve been through the trenches for a little bit.

Back in my day, we called it grinding, because that’s exactly what it feels like at times.  Gamers today are even luckier, with so many games having so many options to grind less, be it in-game XP boosters, pay-for-XP boosts, or even hiring a Chinese guy to grind out levels for you.  I still remember playing Final Fantasy IV, having to kill like 80,000 behemoths and red dragons in order to get to level 99, and they could beat your ass all the way from level 50 to even when you hit the 90s.

I get it though, because grinding does suck.  I’m hitting the point too, now that I’m level 14 in The Pikachu Game, where even CP10 Ratachus and Pidgechus are escaping from balls and then running away, and anything that’s remotely enticing breaks out of 20 great balls, eats three berries and then still runs away.  It’s frustrating and pisses me off too, but really, that’s just how video games are supposed to be, more challenging as you progress.

Another week, another week’s worth of amusing/interesting/scary happenings around the world on account of The Pikachu Game.

The most common variable, it seems?  Most of the scary or negative things that are happening, are often times on account of the fact that so many people are playing in the middle of the night.

7/16: Texas man bitten by copperhead snake while wandering around playing The Pikachu Game
Yeah, if I’m anywhere not on pavement, I think I’d be looking around while playing…

7/16: Pennsylvania Pikachu Game players rescue man from burning car wreck
It’s just funny to read a headline like that aloud.  Say what you want about the game, but it’s putting a lot of people outside where they can actually do some good from time to time.

7/16: New Zealand man quits his job to embark on a Pikachu Game career
It’s hard to make this sound like that big of a deal when the guy left his illustrious career as a barista/bartender to catch Pikachus all day, every day.

7/17: MMA fighter unleashes Pikachu Game-related celebration immediately following knockout victory
Score another point in the notion that The Pikachu Game is solely for the dorks.

7/17: Homeowner opens fire at teenagers in car playing The Pikachu Game, mistaking them for robbers
One guess to where this took place; hint, it’s Florida.  Thankfully, nobody was hurt.

7/17: New Hampshire police try to sound relevant with Pikachu Game social post
They invited the local most wanted persons to the station to try to catch some supposed rare Pikachu; I’m not certain they understand how the game works, but  this would be better if it actually worked.  Which it didn’t.

7/18: Detroit man, however, walks himself to jail while hunting Pikachus
Whether it took a lure or not was not mentioned, but a Detroit man with a warrant out for his arrest somehow managed to wander by the one place he probably should have been avoiding: the police station.

7/18: Rio mayor hopes The Pikachu Game will be available in Brazil for the Olympics
Worry not, regardless of the game’s status in Brazil, Zikachu will be available for everyone to catch, whether they want to or not.

7/18: Surprising nobody, loaded Pikachu Game accounts are available for sale
Considering just about every competitive game out there has boosted accounts available on the secondhand market, it should come as no surprise as Pikachu Game players too lazy can get their own Pikachus can simply find accounts that already have them up for sale.

7/18: Justin Bieber anchors down growth of The Pikachu Game by playing it
Ugh, seldom are things more of a wet blanket to a popular craze than tools like Justin Bieber getting aboard.  Thank goodness that this was in New York, and not in Atlanta.

7/18: Nashville couple at gunpoint robbed while playing Pikachu Game
Instead of the first robbers letting cops come to them, these robbers showed up to a gym to rob a couple, since people can’t stop playing at odd A.M. hours in the middle of the night.

7/18: Vancouver man has more salt towards Pikachu Game players than Pacific Ocean
Honestly, if this guy’s sign didn’t mention building tenants and out the fact that he lives in a complex, I might sympathize, but when you live in a complex in close proximity with other human beings, shit like this is going to happen.  You don’t own the whole yard, Methuselah.

7/19: Vancouver teenager sexually assaulted by fellow Pikachu Game player
Not trying to victim-shame too much, but when you agree to meet with a man you just met online at around midnight, there’s something to be said about the judgment call in the first place.  Both parties were stupid.

7/19: North Carolina entrepreneurs trying to profit by driving Pikachu Game players around
Honestly, this makes a lot of sense.  Instead of walking around in the sweltering summer heat and exposing yourself to robbers, assailants and nocturnal pests, paying people to drive you around to hit up PikaStops and gyms, and catch Pikachus in the air-conditioned safety of numbers.

7/19: Mexican cab driver has the same idea
Pretty quickly on top of the ball, considering the game isn’t even officially released in Mexico yet, but people are still playing it by exploiting regional jailbreaks on the game.  130 pesos is the equivalent of $7.04? 

7/19: British Pikachu Game player calls emergency services, citing theft of Pikachus
Either this player doesn’t really understand how the game works, or someone stole their phone, in which they wouldn’t be able to call the British equivalent of 911, without it presumably.  Fucking Brits; they should Brexit the Pikachu Game servers so that players like me don’t have such a hard time trying to play.

7/19: Another man quits job to play with Pikachus full-time
This one is from the UK, and he Brexited his job as a … graphic designer, to chase around Pikachus on a full-time basis.  The kicker is that he’s also married, so I’m going to assume it’s not going to be too long before the Pikachu gig dries up, or his wife Brexits the marriage.

7/19: French man arrested for trespassing on Indonesian military base, chasing Pikachus
The headline alone is all you really need to read to understand just how globally saturating The Pikachu Game is.  Seriously, Indonesia has it?

7/19: That’s one way to keep the damn kids off your lawn
The Pikachu Game players in Bosnia have been warned to avoid particular areas, because they might still have active landmines on them.  Now a little bit of trespassing on shopping mall property after-hours doesn’t sound so risqué.

7/19: Another Pikachu Game-related stabbing
This one in North Carolina.

7/20: And another Pikachu Game-related corpse discovery
This one coming all the way from the kingdom of Denmark!

7/20: Guatemalan player believed to be the first Pikachu Game related death
Jesus, this game really is everywhere now.  But two players decided to break into a home to catch a Pikachu, and one was shot dead while the other badly wounded.  Man, does South America just not know how to get it or what?

7/20: PokéDates, the dating service for Pikachu Game players
I see Craigslist has rebranded.  I wonder how many failed relationships will spawn because higher level players rage at level-up requirements or the increased escape rates?

7/20: Baltimore man crashes car while playing The Pikachu Game… into a police cruiser
I mean, is it any surprise that this happened in Baltimore?

7/20: Saudi Arabia issues fatwa against The Pikachu Game
Well, you know something must be going right when Saudi Arabia decides to issue a ban on you.

7/21: SNL’s Michael Che tries to play Trumpemon Go at Republican National Convention
Instead of hunting for Pikachus, the objective of Trumpemon Go is to find the rarest thing at the RNC – minorities!

7/21: New Jersey woman needed to be rescued out of a tree for chasing Pikachus
Clearly, this was a person that doesn’t grasp that the GPS isn’t so dependent on topography as much as it’s a little bit of luck, and lateral movement, but then again, New Jersey.

7/21: Idaho Pikachu Game players meet up, clean community while playing
The interesting thing is that as many stories that are emerging that are kind of crazy and lean negative, there’s oftentimes nearly as many stories emerging that are positive and proof that people do want to do good things out there, while playing The Pikachu Game.

7/22: State Department representative busts reporter playing The Pikachu Game during a briefing
This is the state of the world: who needs to pay attention to ISIS intel when there’s a tantalizing CP10 ratachu in the room!

7/22: Canadian neckbeard tryhard teetering on the brink of insanity when sister and girlfriend play prank on him (probably staged)
The idea is good, but most signs point to this being staged.  Because every player knows that resetting the game usually takes around 20 minutes to get back in after a soft reset.

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