Vacations and relaxation are hard for me

I’m not one to often broadcast my vacation plans, but let’s be real here, my brog has been down so long, that there’s absolutely no concern that some mysterious anonymous seventh reader of mine that cyber-stalks me is going to get wind of me not being home, break into my house and steal all my wrestling belts.  I’m literally hoarding a folder full of Word documents of the ever-growing backlog of brog posts that I have every intention of back filling when, or if, my brog ever comes back online.

Me salty?  Nahhhhh

Anyway, it’s not often that I write off the cuff without a general subject, topic or impetus to vomit words.  But I knew that I would probably want to write some diatribe before I got on a plane, fly across the Atlantic and try to find some rest, relaxation and exploration in parts of the world I never thought I’d actually go to.

Much to the doubts of mythical gf, I actually am excited about this trip, planned a year in advance.  But my excitement oftentimes manifests itself in a variety of anxiety at the things I’m leaving behind, as well as a bewilderment of the things planned ahead of me.  Otherwise, I like to think I’m a pretty grounded guy that doesn’t show like Nintendo 64 Kid levels of excitement, about anything.

But that’s the thing, I’m clearly a worrier, I feel more so than I have been in the past, and frankly, I really don’t like it that much.  At least to this degree.  But I feel like I’ve got lots of things to worry about, often times swirling around thoughts of the future, in various intervals, but then there’s the usual litany of common suspects, like money and expenditures I should expect to have to fork over in the more immediate times.  I worry about the safety of my home when I’m away for lengthy periods of time, and I worry about my dog who’s getting older and whose health might show some glimpses of deterioration, potentially.

I don’t know how to turn it off, and I feel that it inhibits my ability to truly relax and mellow out sometimes.  I’m tired of worrying, and it feels like there’s not a lot of control over the things that I often worry about, which leads to additional angst about it all.

Despite the fact that one of the big points of this trip was a guerilla means to avoid Dragon*con and force ourselves to skip it lest we grow tempted and go anyway, I’ll admit I was feeling a little melancholy, when I started to see my theFacebook start to blow up with people exclaiming their excitement about it.  The con itself I don’t have any qualms with skipping, because I don’t really feel like dropping another $1,300 to stay in my own city and accomplish nothing, but the people that I’m quite fond of that will be going to it, missing them does suck.  And when I attempted to convey this message on my own theFacebook, it took all of a few hours before I regretted it, making me really hate social media all over again, further pushing me into an angsty mindset.

Perhaps these are all signs that this vacation that I’m about to embark on is truly needed.  And that when I get on a big ass boat in the Adriatic Sea and set sail towards new places and new experiences, I’ll find the ability to be able to take a deep breath and relax again.  If anything at all, there’s a shitload of wine on the agenda that might help mellow me out.

And in itself, it’s why I believe that relaxation and vacations are truly skills.  Skills that I am most definitely not a natural in, or perhaps I’m just the kind of busy-body type that needs to have some stress in order to maintain sharp and vigil towards what the world has planned.

Admittedly, this is one of those instances where writing about my thoughts has genuinely helped clear my head of some of the mental cobwebs that have been spidered around in my belfry the last week or so.   I don’t want to worry so much about things, but such is kind of impossible for my type of personality.  However, I need to have faith that things will be okay in my absence, and that I genuinely have a great opportunity in front of me.

This vacation is going to be awesome, and I have all the faith in the world that it will accomplish everything it set to accomplish when it was planned last year.  Instead of being steamed alive in the human saunas of two hotels, I’ll be sailing on a gigantic boat, hopefully with the taste of fresh sea air blowing through the sky.  Instead of trying to take shitty pictures of Jon Snows and Khaleesis, I’ll be exploring the actual King’s Landing and Meereen, when docking in Dubrovnik.

And when the day is over, I’ll have visited four countries that I’d never thought I’d actually visit any time soon, and I’ll feel justified that I’m actually doing something with my life and getting out and exploring, while I still am capable of doing so.

There, I feel better already.

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