Quite possibly the most useless vehicle ever conceived

Mercedes-Benz getting into the pickup truck market serves about as much purpose as Victoria’s Secret getting into power tool production.

But before I can really dial up the snark about how yuppies would love this vehicle for hauling groceries back from Whole Foods or how it’s so luxurious, they wouldn’t let day laborers from The Home Depot parking lot ride in the bed, and other inevitable privileged American misnomers, it turns out that Mercedes-Benz doesn’t plan on selling it in America – yet.

I equate the deliberate denial as something of an attempted power move, for Mercedes-Benz to exclude the one country in the world that loves pickup trucks, especially ones that are kind of useless for actual utilitarian purposes.  Try to get Americans to be envious and drum up demand for a giant status symbol with wheels, but it has a truck bed, so it would be perfect to haul paint quarts, samples of crown moulding, and meticulously reconstituted wood.  Or a litany of yoga equipment from Lululemon.

Really though, I couldn’t think of a more senseless creation than a Mercedes-Benz pickup truck, especially if it’s not being released in the United States yet.  Pickups in general are about everything a typical vehicle owner in Europe wouldn’t want, from being too large and space consuming, guzzles fuel, and because people treat their Mercs with kid-gloves anyway, its utility probably wouldn’t even get any use.

Seriously, it makes absolutely no sense why Mercedes-Benz would make a pickup truck, when they already make the Sprinter van, which has way more utility, can actually transport a large number of people, with a roof for them, and if actually used for actual utility work, materials or cargo can be secured and locked.

Whatever though.  Nobody ever said Mercedes-Benz existed to fill needs, they pretty much exist solely to satiate egos and produce status symbols, with their litany of overpriced vehicles that utilize wood finishes, cheap leather and silver trim to create the façade of luxury, justified by price tags more inflated than Kanye West’s self worth.  I can’t imagine the types of people who will actually buy a Mercedes-Benz pickup truck, except for the assumption that they won’t actually ever use the bed for anything that might possibly scratch or ding the body.

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