I make a lot of references to the Jessie Spano caffeine pill freakout from Saved by the Bell. A lot of people make references to the Jessie Spano caffeine pill freakout from Saved by the Bell. It’s a great pop-cultural reference for when one is super excited about something, almost almost to the point of it being scary, or maybe it actually is scary. Or maybe the part where she breaks down and talks about being scared is omitted, and it’s just a reference to the part where she sings I’m So Excited, all drugged out and addled that we all laugh at.
But how many people remember the context of the rest of the episode? Why Jessie Spano was on “caffeine” pills in the first place? I doubt nearly as many as the people who make references to the signing part actually do.
Jessie was taking speed because she felt that there weren’t enough hours in the day to study and cram for her lofty academic aspirations, and used the extra time not sleeping to hit the books. Sure, it created a mild addiction and an eventual crash that led to the iconic exciting moment, but the context of it revolved around the perceived feeling that there is not enough time.
That’s kind of how I feel lately. Thankfully, I haven’t resorted to becoming addicted to speed or sacrificing too much sleep to accomplish my goals, but I can relate to feeling that there isn’t enough time, and that my daily stress levels are substantially higher than I’d prefer them to be, as a result.
Work’s been busy, but it’s still the current place where I can actually relax a little bit, due to my obligation to be here for at least eight hours a day. I’m thankful that I’m able to compartmentalize my responsibilities and personal life to a degree where it doesn’t impede my ability to do my job outside of my mind wandering to the things that ails me occasionally.
But it’s when I’m not at my job, I’ve been working my ass off prepping my house for the eventual move, and what’s causing me to feel like that like Jessie Spano, there aren’t enough hours in the day. With a deadline in play to have my house emptied, cleaned and prepared for listing, it’s been a frantic whirlwind of tasks and chores that need to be accomplished in a short window of time, in order to stay on schedule.
In the last few days, Jen and I have been frantically cleaning the house, we’ve loaded a truck full of our overflow belongings, driven said truck to a storage facility and unloaded all of them into its temporary home until we figure out where we’ll end up in the future. I still have to repaint the majority of the walls in my home, and there are tons of small repairs and tasks yet and only days to do it.
I’ve been inquiring and hiring various services such as pressure washing, maid service, landscaping and (hopefully) carpet cleaners, and these are all things that I wish I didn’t have to sink so much money into, especially since this is all essentially being done to vacate the home, and not really like, preparing a home for entering. I understand the essential nature of most of these things, but all it really looks like to me lately is spending money to salvage the curb appeal of a property that there is a very realistic chance that I will still owe money on, even if it sells.
The process of moving has been draining on both a physical and emotional level. I know it’s what I’ve wanted for a while, to get away from the area of my house, but it’s still depressing to know I’m leaving behind my house, the home I’ve lived in longer than anywhere, and my first attempt at living the American dream and owning property. Sinking as much time, effort and money into it, just to get out of it, seems like something I really don’t want to do, but have to do anywhere, in order to have the best chances at getting away from it with as minimal loss as possible.
Ultimately, this is just more qq-ing over the moving process. I dislike it immensely, and I’m getting really tired of being sad all the time, and I want to get back to a point in life where it doesn’t feel like life isn’t just on hold, but on hold while being sad. I think I’ve done enough treading water throughout the last decade or so, so I guess that if this is what’s necessary in order to start pedaling forward ahead, I guess so be it. I just hope it ends sooner rather than later.
I’m not so excited about this so much as it’s scarier. Jessie Spano’s freakout isn’t as funny when it’s a little applicable; contextually and without the drugs.