TIME TO DO THE FIST PUMP: Giants ace pitcher Madison Bumgarner goes on the disabled list with shoulder injury suffered from dirt bike accident on a day off, unhappy fans take to Twitter to passive-aggressively air out their disappointment through bad jokes
Most of the time, when it comes to sports teams, I can change my allegiances at the drop of a hat. I can dislike a team because they always beat up on the teams I like, or I can turn around and like a team because they acquired a player that I think is a good guy, and I want to support them. I used to be a Knicks fan growing up, and now I laugh at the Knicks and their futility today. I once couldn’t stand the Chicago Cubs because their fans sold out Turner Field all the time, and I rooted fervently for demi-god Albert Pujols and the St. Louis Cardinals against the Tigers and Rangers in two separate World Series, but I cheered for the Cubs last season because they had David Ross and I wanted to see him go out a champion, and rooted against the Cardinals because I was simply over them and their constant “playing the right way” rhetoric. I loathed the Houston Astros for the longest time, because they always seemed to be a thorn in the side of the Braves, but now with their roster including Brian McCann and Evan Gattis, I’m pulling for the Astros to succeed in the American League.
But if there’s one team that I’ve never liked, it’s been the San Francisco Giants. I don’t really know where the animosity begun; maybe it was Barry Bonds in his more standoffish asshole days when he was a living steroid clobbering tainted home runs left and right. I don’t even like the San Francisco 49ers either, maybe because of childhood memories of asshole friends picking them in Tecmo Super Bowl and causing legitimate beefs. Honestly, I don’t really like the Golden State Warriors either, because I have a hard time not seeing the joke team of the 90s, that was always the forgotten fourth California NBA franchise behind the Lakers, Clippers and even the fucking Kings, and I resent that they’re now the darlings of the NBA now.
Honestly? I just don’t like the city of San Francisco as a whole, because I thought it was a tremendously overrated place that was expensive, pretentious and full of smarmy hipster nerds everywhere, even at the ballpark, and even worse on the internet. Although I can’t really pinpoint where the disdain began, I do know that it’s San Francisco people, namely the sports fans, that sustain the dislike for their sporting teams, especially the Giants.
So, long-winded introduction aside, back to Madison Bumgarner getting hurt; sure, he did something stupid and now the entire team is going to suffer their best pitcher going on the disabled list for at least two starts, but he’s a human being, he’s an American, he’s free to do whatever he wants in his free time. Sure, dirt biking in Denver might not exactly be the wisest thing for a man who makes his money on the health of his left arm, but he’s a dumb country kid from North Carolina, and if he wants to go dirt biking on his day off, he’s more than free to do so.
It sucks for the Giants, because they will definitively lose Bumgarner for at least two starts, and who knows how a shoulder problem is going to linger for the remainder of the season and possibly his career at this point, which means it sucks for Bumgarner, because any regression from his usual dominant performing only hurts his future earning potential, which really sucks for him because he was stupid and signed a team-friendly contract instead of aspiring to get some David Price-money which he could easily have gotten given the fact that he basically carried the Giants to three World Series titles.
But the fans? Who gives a fuck about the Giants fans. Them getting all passive-aggressive and cracking jokes about Bumgarner’s choices is fan hypocrisy at its most pathetic. Bunch of spoiled and entitled tech-savvy shitheads all thinking they’re internet comedians or owed anything at all by Madison Bumgarner or the Giants themselves.
I love seeing Giants fans getting all bent out of shape about Bumgarner getting hurt. It’s bad enough that the season has started so poorly for them, and that they’re in last place behind teams like the Rockies and Diamondbacks. The passive-aggressive animosity coming from them, because I’m convinced nobody in San Francisco is actually capable of expressing animosity in any other fashion is music to my ears. From a fanbase that has enjoyed three championships within the last decade, it’s basically the definition of insufferable sports fans whining at its best/worst.
Like seriously, fuck you Giants fans. That’s what I’m thinking if I work for Ford, and I see these bitches complaining about the timing of a commercial featuring Bumgarner on a dirt bike. It’s not Ford’s fault that Bumgarner got hurt coincidentally while riding a dirt bike, and not everyone is such a fake diehard Giants fan that the sight of seeing him on a dirt bike is going to be a tragic trigger or something. Or be so dumb to let television commercials influence whether or not they should buy pickup trucks in the first place, especially in the city where parking is practically more premium than drinking water in the desert. Ford’s in the money-making business, not making Giants fans happy business, and these lame-ass fans need to shut the fuck up and oh, I saw the best shirt over the weekend, a sassy black lady wearing a t-shirt that said “BUILD A BRIDGE AND GET OVER IT
That’s what Giants fans should do. But until then, owned.