Bumper Pool has decided to commit to the University of Arkansas. In other news, there is a person whose name is “Bumper Pool.”
Frankly, I would never have come across this story if not for the fact that the Atlanta Journal-Constitution has basically turned into an auxiliary SEC football website. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of college football as much as the average Georgian male is, but shit Tyrone, can we have a flagship newspaper whose website actually covers, the news? Instead of endless articles about college football? And not just exclusive to football in the state Georgia, or to the SEC, we’re getting fucking articles about Arkansas football too?
Not going to lie, I’m green with envy when I think about all the major markets in the United States that have large, reputable newspaper companies that actually cover major, relevant local news. The New York Times, the Washington Post, the Chicago Tribune, the Los Angeles Times; and even sources like the Boston Herald or the Miami Herald have more credibility than the fucking AJC.
But I’m sidetracking here (shocker), because if not for the fact that the AJC can’t stop talking about college football, I would never have found a story like this to write about in the first place – a kid named “Bumper Pool.”
Shocking nobody, this kid was clearly named by rednecks. A cursory Google search reveals that Bumper is his actual given name, and that Bumper Pool and his family are from Texas, which is about as surprising as finding out it’s dark at night. But that’s the first thought that comes to mind, on whether or not Bumper is his real name, or if it’s just one of those nicknames that sticks throughout life. But according to dad, Bumper is most certainly his real name, and I have to feel like his dad must be some kind of asshole who really thought it would be funny, cool, trolling or all of the above, to name his kid “Bumper” despite the fact that the family name was Pool.
Honestly, I would’ve figured that he must’ve been conceived on a bumper pool table or something; after all, we are talking about rednecks here, a story like that would be about as out of the ordinary as the local Wal-Mart actually having ammunition available and ready upon a casual visit.
However, in spite of the ironically unfortunate name, it hasn’t stopped ‘ol Bumper from amounting to something, as he’s clearly grown into a fairly coveted and touted defensive recruit for football colleges. For reasons I don’t care enough to find out, for whatever reason, he’s chosen Arkansas to be where he wants to play. It’s a good thing that the interest is mutual and that they’re willing to take him on, and it’s fortuitous that he’s going to get into an SEC program, which is only going to maximize his exposure and potential to grow
But still, Arkansas? Despite being from Texas? Those are some odd allegiances to chase, but as is probably often the case with this guy and his family, his name is “Bumper Pool;” who’s really going to question the choices he makes in life?
Whatever though, good luck to Bumper Pool. Hopefully he’ll amount to something, and maybe one day in the next four years, when I’m watching an SEC game, I’ll see Bumper Pool bust some coverage and let Alabama or South Carolina score a touchdown, and I’ll be reminded of this guy I once bragged about because his redneck family named their kid “Bumper Pool.”