Tag: stupid commercial

Man, What A Stupid Commercial #007

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Now when it comes to food, I don’t have any problem with Subway generally. Sure, their meat is all pre-sliced, processed, and kind of rubbery in consistency, but when you’re feeling lazy but at the same time you don’t want to eat too much like a slob, Subway is that sort of happy compromise of quick food that’s not completely abysmal to your health. Sure, in the end, Subway for me is like the popular joke about Chinese food and I’m often hungry again in an hour, but for those 59 minutes prior, I’m typically satisfied, and not completely guilty.

Granted, the Subway closest to my house is staffed by a bunch of hoods that once tried to swindle me, and actually thought I was gullible enough to believe that subs for three people would equate to $22 but that’s another story for another time.

But this Subway commercial is pretty stupid, as just about the vast majority of commercials typically are. But it’s at the 0:13 second mark where the commercial goes from typically stupid to especially stupid, when they show a bunch of overenthusiastic teenagers dressed to the nines on what appears to be the night of the prom – going to Subway for dinner.

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Man, What A Stupid Commercial #006

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I have to admit, that after this commercial aired, I was kind of surprised. It was without question, the poorest quality animation that I’d ever seen aired on national television, and I couldn’t really believe that someone out there paid the money to both produce such a putrid animation, as well as actually pay whatever money it took to get it to air nationally.

No seriously, this looks like one of those flash animation generators where random people can write a basic dialogue script, and then it generates a crappy flash video where all the voices are Steve voice, and people think are funny. Except worse. I’m pretty sure that I’ve seen better animation on public access television.

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Man, What A Stupid Commercial #005

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

The story: It’s Christmas Eve, and Santa Claus has a poor, achy back from his arduous job of turning a gigantic crank for apparently all year long, while a workshop full of slave labor elves actually seem like they’re the ones doing all the making of the toys. Addled Santa endures pain while putting on his outfit, delivering toys, and traversing snow-covered rooftops.

In one particular home, a father’s late-night masturbation session is interrupted by Santa’s home invasion, but seeing him in obvious pain, he discreetly slips onto the table the bottle of Aleve® that he was using to help desensitize himself and last longer (paraphrased). Surprised, Santa does not hesitate to wolf down some over-the-counter drugs that some stranger left for him to take, but fortunately his trust is rewarded with fast, effective pain relief.

The commercial ends with Santa back at his sweatshop in the North Pole, and with his back pain numbed, he begins studiously working for next year’s Christmas as the countdown ticker in the background resets to 365 days away.

The takeaway: Santa Claus is now addicted to Aleve pain pills.

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Man, What A Stupid Commercial #004

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

The first thought that crossed through my head after I saw this commercial was: “Divorce papers. With a red ribbon around them.”

Not only is this commercial indeed stupid, I actually hate it. Man goes through hoops to discreetly purchase a Smart car for his wife for Christmas, only for her to become instantaneously and ungratefully smitten with a piece of shit Buick cruising down the street.

In short, man gives gift, wife is ungrateful bitch.

Although the message is very much fictitious, and I honestly will foolishly give benefit of the doubt that there really are that many people who would be so ungratefully crass to rebuff an expensive and clearly high-effort gift literally three seconds after receiving it, I just really, really hate the message in general.

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Man, What A Stupid Commercial #003

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I’ll be honest; the message in this commercial is a good one, and I will agree that the world could use some more positive messages. But the scenario used in the commercial couldn’t be any more further from any fathomable truth that could potentially happen in this little place we all live in, called the real fucking world. And for that reason, this commercial definitely warrants the designation as certainly being a stupid commercial.

It’s the championship game, and tensions are high. The protagonist, Alex’s team is down in the waning seconds, but a late score closes the gap to one. On the ensuing play, Alex’s team employs the full court press, and they successfully harass an opposing player into flinging a haphazard pass, which is supposedly touched by the guy that Alex was guarding. The referee awards the ball to Alex’s team, and his teammates and the crowd are going nuts because now they have a chance to win the game. Alex’s team calls timeout, so they can put together a play to try and win the game. And this is where the unbelievable fiction comes into play.

Alex becomes overwhelmed by his conscience, and he admits to having being the one who correctly tipped the ball out of bounds, and that the ref had made a mistake, clearly. As he fesses up to his teammates, his teammates give him the WTF treatment, and essentially tell him to shut the fuck up. The coach caves into Alex’s moral dilemma, and tells his team to prepare to play defense, and for Alex to go correct the ref. As the team disperses, the teammates all incredulously mock thank Alex for throwing the game, making Alex rightfully feel like a shithead. The coach, repressing his own feelings off being a dickface, shows pity on Alex and tells him that he did the right thing, making Alex feeling all warm and fuzzy, but still a shithead.

“Sportsmanship”. Yeah, my ass.

Here’s what would happen in the real world.

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Man, What a Stupid Commercial #002

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I watch a lot of sports and wrestling, so it’s unavoidable that I see this commercial at least once a week, but likely way more than that. Clearly, the perceived demographic of those who watch baseball, college football and professional wrestling are blue-collared white men who feel the need to drive gas-guzzling pickup trucks long distances on desolate country roads in which biker gangs travel on.

From the get-go, this commercial doesn’t exactly begin in any fashion that makes any sense. A scorpion skittering on the ground before the word RESPECT just randomly pops up on the screen. What does a scorpion have to do with Dodge Ram trucks or bikers? What does a scorpion have to do with respect? I respect the fact that scorpions have the capability to incapacitate and even kill human beings with their stings, which leads me to want to avoid them at all costs, but I clearly fail to comprehend the connection between scorpions, trucks and bikers.

But then we get to the “plot” of the commercial, which starts out with the protagonist of the spot, driving down a long, endless desert road. In a pickup truck. That claims to get 24 mpg on the highway with a fuel tank that can hold purportedly 26 gallons. Sure, trucks are large bulky and have the capability for comfort, but I’m surprised at how in a such a supposed fuel-conscious society, the imagery of cruising down highways in our pickup trucks is still being pushed.

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Man, What A Stupid Commercial #001

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I title this with a number as if I’ll remember to keep it going as time passes. Commercials are relatively a nuisance to begin with, and when I have the misfortune of watching television that isn’t DVR’d, I’m at the mercy of having to sit through them. But every now and then I’ll see a commercial that is just bad, and stands out as bad amongst all the other bad advertising that exists. Commercials that make my contort my face and wonder “what the fuck was that?” Commercials that I’ll deem as stupid for a variety of different reasons, or multiple/all of the above.

But since lately with the inception of a Facebook account, I’m having a tedious time coming up with things to brog about; at least with commercials, there’s an endless well in which stupid content might trigger the urge to slap some words down onto the interwebs. And here we stand.

Does any company truly fail at marketing more than Pepsi? Serious question. The company spends an egregious amount of money to market, but in the end, so little of their marketing actually is good marketing. At first it was the overblown, overly-winded explanation of how the current Pepsi logo came to with inspiration from The Golden Ratio, Michaelangelo’s David, the Mona Lisa, and all sorts of other trite, convoluted explanations that are more laughable than memorable.

But commercials like this have me wonder what the fuck Pepsi is thinking sometimes.

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