Dad Brog (#176): the importance of culture

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I’ve probably brogged about this in the past, but growing up, I wasn’t really much in tune with my Korean heritage.  I mean, I learned the language, went to Korean language school, but really didn’t learn much about Korean culture.  The holidays, the customs, why we wear hanboks on special occasions, and the reasons for holidays that didn’t line up with the Western world I grew up in.

My parents and family didn’t really do much for us American-born kids in educating us, as proud as they might have been of their culture, they didn’t go out of their way to expand it or adhere to it whilst living in America.  And it wasn’t until I was much older, and wanted to learn more on my own, did I actually start to learn more stuff about Korean culture.

As a parent myself now, I’ve always felt it important that my kids learn a little bit more about their Korean heritage than I did growing up.  And as my kids have gotten older and to the ages of where they’re in school and have shown the capability to learn, I’ve always felt priority to expose them to Korean culture, whenever it’s possible.

This past weekend was Chuseok (추석) aka Korean Thanksgiving.  It’s not like Thanksgiving in the west, where white people stuff their faces with turkey, potatoes and green beans, it’s most of a celebration of the harvest moon, and to give thanks to a (hopefully) successful harvest season.

Since moving my dad down here to Georgia, one of the cool things is that he lives in a pretty concentrated Korean area, and they’re very in-tune with the culture, which is a refreshing change considering how little of it there was when I was growing up.  That being said, there was a Chuseok event up where he was, and I was excited to bring my kids to it, so they could see and experience some Korean culture, like folk singing, dancing, and to keep up with the times, stuff like a kids choir and K-pop dancing demonstration were on the agenda, as well as the availability of Korean snacks and consumables.

I planned on making a day of it, mostly so that my kids and I could spend some time with my dad, and we had done things like Kids Workshop at the local Home Depot, since my kids do enjoy creating things, banging nails in with hammers and painting wooden projects, get a nice lunch together, and go to the park if the weather cooperated.

And everything was going well, and the kids weren’t being too big of pills with the litany of random things they decide to complain about at any given point of the day.

But when 2pm rolled around, and it was time for the Chuseok activities to begin, my kids suddenly decided that they wanted nothing to do with anything at this little exhibition, and the complaints started coming in rapid-fire, and killing a little bit of my soul with each successive whine.

“I don’t want to be here”
“I can’t understand anything”
“Can we leave yet”
“Why do we have to just sit here”
“Why do we always have to do what you want us to do”
“We never get to do anything that we want to do”
“We’re only half Korean”

That last one really stung, but I was determined to show a modicum of respect for the people who put this little shindig together, and try to stick around at least 30 minutes of the two hours that they had been scheduled for.  Now in my opinion, had they started with something like kids choir, or the K-pop dance demonstration, it probably would’ve been more engaging to kids like mine, but I get it, this wasn’t for my kids, it was for an entire community, and they had the right to line things up the way they wanted to.

Needless to say, we only made it 30 minutes on the dot, and I was already over my kids, already over parenting, and I didn’t want to risk them causing any sort of scene or being any more disruptive than I thought they were going to be.  Extremely disappointed, I took my kids and my dad out of the event, and prepped them to go home.  Hopefully, my dad went back to the gig afterward and perhaps at least got some good traditional Korean snacks for the trouble.

Up to this point, it’s debatable on whether or not I’ve ever been more upset with my kids than I had been that afternoon.   All I could feel on the long, quiet (I refused to let them have their iPads) drive home was that my kids behaved like ungrateful little shits, I felt like I was failing them as a parent if they were that against anything that was a part of their Korean heritage, or behaving so poorly when they had been treated so well up to that point of the day.

Nothing I said or have already said seemed to get through how much importance I put in them being aware of the Korean heritage that is half theirs, and it really bummed me out just how inconvenienced they felt at being exposed to some of it.  They complained about not being able to understand the Korean that was spoken by the hosts, but at the same time, they complain and pitch a fit at the thought of being sent to Korean language school.  They showed zero appreciation or understanding of people who played instruments or sang in front of a small crowd, regardless of how many years of dance and ballet classes they’ve already done.

*it’s going to happen, they’re going to hate it, but hopefully, like me, they’ll get over it, and one day be appreciative to have done it, much like my own personal journey

I get that they’re “just” kids, and maybe they shouldn’t be held to the same expectations that I was held to when I was their age.  But my mom definitely made me go to things I didn’t want to go to when I was little, and sit through all sorts of things that bored the ever living hell out of me, but I still remember the exposure to Korean things whenever the opportunity was presented to me.

Their behavior ruined my day, most of my weekend, and was a bigger cause for depression than Virginia Tech’s first loss of the season to Pitt.  God forbid I want my children to have a little bit of culture in their lives, and for them to take a golden opportunity and ruin it with their impatience and unwillingness to have an open mind at that juncture of their lives really saddened me and tanked my mood for the entire rest of the weekend.

Like almost all facets of life, I want my kids to be better than I was at everything, including getting taught and learning more about Korean culture than I was at their ages, and it really saddened me that they resisted so much.  I don’t want my kids to be as white-washed as I was growing up, and to be able to be proud of their Korean side, and be able to know a little something about it too.

We have exorcised the demons

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

MLB: Atlanta Braves defeat Philadelphia Phillies 6-2 in the decisive game 3 of the Wild Card Series, to advance to the NL Division Series

Well how ‘bout them apples?  With one win, the Braves exorcised numerous demons, from getting the Phillies monkey off their back, breaking the streak of Barves always get knocked out in the first round, as well another astute observations people have made leading up to the game, that the Barves always lose winner-take-all games.

Naturally, I had everything to do with this, seeing as how I haphazardly posted my requiem for the team in advance of the deciding game 3, with me genuinely, firmly believing that another elimination at the hands of the Phillies was all but inevitable.  Fate has a way of thinking that they have a sense of humor, and when it comes down to it, when I take a firm stance on something, I have to be proven wrong, regardless of if I’m inwardly pleased with the end result.  But my belief was clearly genuine and not artificially made up with the intention of tricking fate, because otherwise the Braves would have been the Barves last night, and lost.

That being said, I also realized that I needed to make a sacrifice in order to help the squad this year.  Back in 2021, I stated that I would buy a Dugout Mug, which I deemed to be the most useless product available in the entire free market, but then I also stated that should the Braves actually win the World Series, I would plunk down my own money and purchase one of these stupid pieces of shit, because sacrifice is necessary in order to hope to get something that I want. 

True to my word, when the Braves actually won the World Series, I plunked down $80 and got one.  It’s been used, maybe twice, because it’s not an ideal receptacle to drink from since it’s not really dishwasher safe because it’s fucking wood, and I have to imagine mixing wood with liquid too frequently, much less alcohol probably doesn’t help its longevity and if I paid $80 for this piece of shit, I may as well try to make it last, and be a reminder of the sacrifice I made to do my part in helping bring the World Series to Atlanta in 2021.

I could go ahead and do another Dugout Mug, but they literally have added no new merchandise in over five years, so I’m curious if they’re actually still in business and not just running some skeleton ghost site that doesn’t actually work, but I’ve decided that in the same vein of purchasing something stupid, is a waste of money and that nobody really asked for, I’ll go the record and declare that if the Braves go all the way this year, I will purchase these idiotic drink coasters, adorned with the box score diagram of key plays from the Braves’ 2021 playoff run.

I do feel that this is an adequate sacrifice to offer up to Fate, because my house already has a ton of coasters, because mythical wife grabs them up from all the various bars and places we’ve been to and they actually kind of are cool little souvenirs in their own right, but in most cases, they cost us no money, and here I am offering up a sacrifice that would eat into both my wallet, as well as consume space in the home where I have to fight tooth and nail in order to liberate a single inch from the audition of Hoarders: Buried Alive my fellow residents inflict upon our home.

It’s a lofty ask, seeing as how the Braves’ next opponents are MLB’s favorite team in history, the Los Angeles Dodgers, and seeing as how the Braves are not regarded enough to constantly get the woeful 2:30pm starts throughout the Wild Card series, it’ll be interesting to see what it’s like when the least regarded team in the playoffs is matched up against the most regarded team.

For the record, the Braves have gone 5-1 against the Dodgers throughout the season, along with a glorious sweep when they came to Atlanta, but the playoffs are a completely different beast, the team still has an anemic offense, and the Dodgers are simply a team constructed for championship caliber play.  Should the Braves manage to advance, they’d play either the Brewers or the Padres, and I would not get my hopes up too high against any team in the American League in spite of their generally unimpressive records, because the MLB playoffs are the ultimate crapshoot and it’s always a matter of what team gets hot and rides the momentum to the finish line.

That being said, my offer stands, if the Braves go all the way, I’ll plunk down $50 and get these dumb coasters, that I will resent existing in my home, but be fondly reminisced of how and why they made they way here.

Anyway, I’m not any more optimistic about their chances of going all the way, as I was going into a deciding game against the Phillies, but stranger things have happened in sports, and my offer of sacrifice is out there, and hopefully will be tempting enough for Fate to take me up on it.

One tough broad

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

WSB: Tennessee woman inexplicably survives two lethal injections on death row, rendered unconscious and snoring

I never really thought about my full stance on how I feel about the death penalty, but in some regards, I don’t think I’m entirely opposed to it from the standpoint of people who have committed murders probably don’t deserve to live and be a burden to the taxpayers of the country, and there’s a modicum of eye for an eye mentality there, that should wipe them out the same way they felt justified at wiping out the lives of someone(s) else.

Either way, I see this story of some woman in Tennessee that survived two supposedly lethal injections, and I’m just like, tf??

Not that I’m into seeing people suffer and be in pain, but sometimes I’m surprised at the lengths the legal system goes to in order to be so gentle and accommodating to the execution of prisoners, what with lavish last meals, getting their name out into the news, and execution methods that are meant to be humane and painless as possible.  In lots of cases, I doubt these murderers had remotely the same care and consideration for the people they killed, so it’s sometimes amazing to me that they are allowed such considerations while incarcerated.

Sure, the electric chair is a pretty traumatic way to go, and in all likelihood no picnic for any observers to watch, but I have to imagine something like a firing squad or a sharpshooter bullet through the noggin would be slightly more efficient at getting the job done than some lethal injections, that clearly have a margin of failure, seeing as how two doses of a supposed lethal injection not only failed to do its job, but probably is giving them the best night of sleep of their lives.

But speaking of the observers, how much does it suck for the people who showed up to this execution, intending on watching the killer of their family member not only survive the whole ceremony, but has apparently gotten some sort of indefinite clemency from the Governor of Tennessee due to all the failure in the room.  They’ve literally waited over 30 years for this pyrrhic justice to come to fruition and it didn’t happen.

Who really knows who fucked up in this situation, if the drugs were incorrect, or if this broad really is just some tank capable of resisting a supposed death drug?  Why not go all Sarah Connor and just stick her with a needle full of washer fluid at this point just to secure the legally mandated kill and put all this controversy to rest?

Either way, glad this parade of failure happened in Tennessee and not Georgia, because we certainly don’t need more people pointing fingers at our state and saying fail, especially when it comes to the death penalty.

A pre-requiem for the 2026 Atlanta Barves

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

After Dylan Lee gave up two straight homers almost immediately after the Braves had clawed and scratched their way to a 3-1 lead going into the 8th inning, I immediately saw the writing on the wall.  As Braves fans, we’ve all seen this script before, and from this point on, it was just clenching and hoping the brutal cycle of abuse that comes with being a Braves fan would come to an end, but not be willing to put any money on it that it would happen today. 

Two innings later, the Phillies win game 2, and we’re headed to the winner-take-all game 3, later tonight.  The only series out of the four wild card matchups to have to go the distance, as the White Sox, Yankees and Padres all took care of business and won two immediate games to advance to the divisional series.

Over the last 14 hours or so, I’ve had a lot of thoughts swirling in my brain, that I knew I wanted to write something about it, but wasn’t sure what angle to triangulate on and what tone to take when doing it.  Do I try and tempt fate and write something scathing and completely doom-and-gloom about the Braves’ chances tonight with hopes that I will be proven wrong, and that they’ll hang a 12-2 clobbering just so I’ll be made to look stupid but still be happy that they won?  Do I preemptively write out the post I had formulating in my head about how Philadelphia sports seem to solely exist to ruin the hopes and dreams of Atlanta sports, based on just how many times Philadelphia teams have eliminated Atlanta teams in postseason play throughout history?  Do I make an itemized list of Barves postseason failures over history?

I don’t know.  But I wanted to write something, before game 3, because, well, I don’t know why.  It’s like just my way of processing things, and maybe a combination of all of the above.  Writing something about the Braves becoming the Barves in October on an annual basis just is something that I’m compelled to do, and I hope for the best, but am prepared for the worst.

The fact that all three other matchups concluded means that for once, the Braves don’t have to play at 2 pm, and get a prime-time game that starts at around 8 or so, so more eyes can watch as the Braves will probably choke and lose to the Phillies in the playoffs, so that they will be 0-4 against them historically, with three eliminations over the span of the last five years.

It doesn’t matter how well the Braves have handled the Phillies in the regular seasons throughout all these seasons, the fact of the matter is that for whatever reason, they just can’t seem to overcome them in the playoffs.  2022 was particularly brutal, because the Braves had 101 wins and played most of the year as the de-facto best team in the league, but they took their foot off the gas going the playoffs, had a bye, and immediately got smoked by the 87-win Phillies.  In fact, when the Braves drop to the Phillies tonight, they will have done so as the higher seed in three-straight eliminations, adding insult to injury, and at this point there’s really nothing more that can be said about the agony of constantly falling short to a common tormentor.

Dylan Lee, is a guy I hope I do not see again tonight, and if by some miraculous act of god they win and advance, is a guy I hope I don’t see again for the remainder of the playoffs, and frankly on this team ever again.  It’s nothing personal, but after his game 2 performance, that should be the nail in the coffin as far as his favor with any Braves fan should be.  Every now and then, we see the eventual winner of the World Series do some wonky things with the bullpen, and usually there are some guys who lose favor and are sparsely seen, no matter what their role was in the regular season and the journey to get to the playoffs.  Craig Kimbrel, in spite of his success as a closer was this guy for Boston in one notable year, and the Dodgers completely replaced all their back-end relief with Roki Sasaki just last year.  Dylan Lee, I hope, is the guy that Braves fans never see again, regardless of any positive contributions he may have had in the past.

In all likelihood, the Phillies will be starting Zack Wheeler, their ace, on short rest, which just adds to the feeling of dread for Braves fans.  The Braves used their two best in games 1 and 2, and got away with a split, and the Phillies, out of necessity couldn’t use Wheeler until tonight, but as it stands, we have Wheeler versus whatever the Braves have left.  Most likely Grant Holmes, who has been a fifth-starter type who has been inconsistent and does not inspire faith going into a deciding elimination game.

Needless to say, take everything all of the above, and I do not have a good feeling about tonight’s outcome.  I want to be wrong more than anything, and this is an instance where being right would bring no joy, other than to be able to sigh and say, welp, at least I was right.  The Braves’ offense is still anemic and has never been fixed at any point in the season, and has relied tremendously on the strength of their pitching, but you can’t win games if you don’t score runs. 

Wheeler will either be lights out, or succumb to the rigors of working on short rest, but knowing the Braves’ bats, I’d wager on the former, and I think the chances are way higher that we have same shit, different year, with the Braves going out in the first round, regardless of the fact that MLB added an even first-er round to the playoff field with the Wild Card – if the Braves make the playoffs, they’re destined to get bounced in whatever round comes first to them, because I’m not, and I can’t have any more kids, so I can’t produce any more babies to bless them with any more baby luck.

This shouldn’t be eating at me this much, seeing as how lackadaisical of a baseball fan I’ve been over the last decade or so, but I guess that’s the nature of being a sports fan and a fan of a team.  No matter how much you try to not let it affect you, it just does.

Prove me wrong, fate.

I can only fantasize about being Agent Kim

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Normally, I tend to steer clear of lots of K-Dramas, mostly on account of the fact that Koreans are notoriously long-winded (like me) and it shows in their television programming, because most seasons of Korean television are usually like 26 episodes, 95 minutes each or something that signifies an intimidatingly long time commitment, and as I’ve gotten older, the more I find merit in shows that are shorter in episode count as well as run-time cumulatively.

And if you do watch a K-Drama, they are in fact the crème of the crop when it comes to Asian media, but in most cases with Korean television, the storylines do tend to get a little convoluted at times, usually there are some red herring storylines that either don’t go anywhere, or are poorly inserted to deliberately misdirect the viewer, or they drag on for the sole purpose of creating ambiguous endings, as if they’re always leaving the door open for future seasons when (usually) one is enough.

But thanks to some clever reels I saw over social media outlets, I found myself sucked into watching 김부장 or Agent Kim: Reactivated on Netflix.  At the root of the fairly simple plot is the story of a dad who just wants to protect his daughter, and such a premise is all I really need to hear to be interested in it.

The kicker is, “Mr. Kim” is a former North Korean military agent with basically super soldier training and a ruthless killer instinct ingrained into him, and when his daughter goes missing, it isn’t really so much a police drama as much as it’s a triggered vigilante doing whatever it takes in order to pursue his child.  Although the genre of such a story can be categorized as thriller or crime, to parents like me, this is definitely in the realm of fantasy, as in I fantasize about having such skills, and the tenacity and opportunity to flex them onto criminals who would dare endanger my children.

Needless to say, I found the show to be entertaining and satisfying, even if I know my mom would immediately label this as 엉터리 테레비 or trash television.  It feels like Taken but in television form, and the star of the show 소지섭 looks like Korean Bob Saget, except he’s going around beating the ever living piss out of gangsters and anyone else who would dare stand in his way.  No obstacle or situation seems insurmountable, and the rate in which he defeats people feels like a speedrun, except in Korean television speeds, meaning ten episodes at 70+ minutes.

And true to Korean television standards, just when I thought the show had ended, seeing as how the general core plot of the show seemed to wrap up in seven episodes, after returning to the Netflix menu after watching episode 7, I was mortified to see that there were still three more episodes left.

Naturally, they were wholly unnecessary and honestly served to eliminate a position where the show could have easily milked it into a season 2, but in a way, I’m glad that they wrapped it up in ten, instead of did seven, and then make me wait another year for a second season of 7 moar convoluted episodes before getting to a nicely gift-wrapped ending.

But again, the appeal of the show is simple in the fact that it’s basically just a story about the lengths a dad will go through in order to protect his children, and that’s definitely something that resonates deep in my psyche, and gives me something to live vicariously through, watching dad pwn the shit out of all sorts of opps who cause danger and harm to his family.

WTF is WWE doing #312

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Turnabout is fair play, and I can be just as critical about the WWE as I can about AEW or anyone else when I think they’re doing something stupid and asinine questionable.

And the topic in question is the decision the E made to not air the Worlds Collide show that took place and was taped on September 26, and held it off until September 30.  The originally described rationale was that the E did not want to explicitly go head-to-head against AEW’s All Out show, which happened on the same night, also in the city of Chicago, and that they would save the airing of the show until the following Wednesday, so they could plop it down right on top of a similar time slot to AEW’s weekly Dynamite programming.

In doing so, it’s kind of like they symbolically threw in the towel at remotely even trying to compete with AEW on the 26th, and thought that they could use the content to muck with the ratings game on the 30th, but the issue I had was the fact that the internet has no capability of shutting the fuck up, and that it would be inevitable to make it from the 26th to the 30th, without some, if not all of the results of Worlds Collide being spoiled by then.

It also didn’t help that in the gap between taping and airing, was a live RAW episode, and whether they took it into consideration or not, they basically spoiled another Worlds Collide match when Roxanne Perez was featured on RAW, not carrying the AAA Reina de Reina’s Championship blet, which spoiled the fact that she did not defeat La Catalina, and anyone with a brain paying attention would know that when it airs on the 30th.

This, was extra salty for me, as I’ve grown quite high on Roxanne Perez and her match at Worlds Collide was one that I was really looking forward to watching.

One thing that nobody could have ever anticipated either, was the unfortunate and untimely sudden passing of Benjamin Satterley AKA Pac AKA Neville on the 27th, because everyone knew that the Dynamite on the 30th was going to immediately pivot into being a tribute show to Pac, and the optics are poor on the WWE to try and run counterprogramming to a tribute show, for a guy that was apparently very well liked, respected and cared for by performers all across the industry, regardless of who they were working for.

Naturally, the WWE didn’t budge, and they still plopped Worlds Collide on the 30th.  Despite how much I wanted to see it, preferably live, I didn’t watch it yet, because like many wrestling fans, I was upset by the passing of Benjamin Satterley, and I had tuned into AEW; a little weird to see the decisions to bring Bryan Danielson and Wardlow back on this specific night, but the Will Ospreay and Ricochet match was amazing, and it was a pretty good night of just pure wrestling and working, in the name of honoring the life of Pac.

But overall, poor form on the WWE and their gradually deteriorating soulless operations.  The choice to not run Worlds Collide live to me, seemed cowardly in not wanting to run in direct opposition to AEW, as well as disrespectful mostly to the AAA talents that were on the card, because they don’t get nearly the same exposure as all of the main roster and NXT talents do, and needlessly manipulating the airing of a show where they were going to get some larger billing, seems disrespectful and inconsiderate to their travel and effort.

I will watch the show when I get a chance, because I’m high on the AAA product, and anything they’re involved in is usually very fun and good quality, but massive egg on the E for handling this the way it was done.  Tf are you bean counting cocksuckers thinking?

Baseball is the best

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Despite the fact that I’m a pretty casual fan these days that isn’t nearly in the trenches of the minutiae of the game like I once was, this turned out to be a pretty interesting final day of the MLB regular season, that I took more notice of a lot of concurrent storylines than I probably had at any other point in the season, probably over the last few too.

So, starting with the Braves, seeing as how they had clinched the NL East last week, this final week of the season was full of games where the outcomes were basically inconsequential, but in fitting Barves fashion, Atlanta had to go 2-4 and end the season with a loss, backing into the playoffs.  Inconsequential as these last games might have been, I’m a firm believer of momentum and routine, and seeing as how the team won 92 games by playing in a certain fashion, I never like the idea of changing the way they play the game and letting off the gas, when, especially in baseball, the team that gets hot in the playoffs usually is the one that wins it all, completely regardless of records, seeding and bracket positioning.

Frankly, I don’t like the Braves’ chances in the playoffs, seeing as how for most of the second half of the season, the offense has been pretty anemic, where the wins have been mostly on the arm of Chris Sale, blowout wins were sparse, and every victory felt like they were coming from behind, instead of putting opponents away early and cruising to any low-stress wins.

There were a handful of games today that I had hopes for the outcome, and almost systematically, nearly every single one of them went contrary to what I was hoping for:

  • Wanted Phillies to lose to Rays (Phillies won)
  • Wanted Diamondbacks to beat Padres (Dbacks lost)
  • Wanted Angels to lose to Mariners (they did)
  • Wanted Astros to lose to Athletics (Astros won)
  • Wanted Rangers to lose to Twins (they did)

Getting all five would’ve been a tall order, but two out of five still kind of stinks, and there were particular reasons where I was hoping for each of these outcomes.

With the Phillies and Diamondbacks outcomes the way they happened, means that the sixth and final playoff spot in the National League belongs to the Phillies, who will play the Braves in the Wild Card round, three games in Atlanta.

I don’t think there’s any team in baseball that I have a complex about more than the Phillies, because they’ve probably been the biggest thorn in the side to the Braves for as long as I’ve been a fan.  Philadelphia sports in general, it’s my belief that all Atlanta sports fans should have a similar complex about, seeing as how the Phillies and Eagles have tormented the Braves and Falcons for decades at this point, and it always seems like they’re the ones who send Atlanta home in the playoffs.

Historically, the Phillies are 3-0 against the Braves in the playoff series, having knocked them out in 1993, 2022 and 2023; and its worth mentioning the Phillies were the lower seed in the last two, and it really doesn’t matter how well the Braves have handled them in the regular seasons, there’s just something about the playoffs where the Phillies rise up harder against the Braves than anyone else, before dropping like flies immediately after dispatching of the Braves.

Needless to say, I’m disappointed that the Phillies have snuck into the playoffs, and even more disappointed that they matched up against the Braves.  I genuinely would have rather have seen the Cubs or Padres over the Phillies, and I don’t have a good feeling about this year either.

The Angels’ loss today meant that for the first time in franchise history, the Angels have lost 100 games, and is generally meaningless it is to me, I always like to see ironic historical marks, and seeing as how the Braves have never dropped 100 in my tenure as fan, I’m amused to see it happened to someone else.

Now the Astros and Rangers, the only reason why I cared about their games, was the fact that speaking of ironic history, 2026 would mark the first time in history where a division winner would be have a no better than .500 record, and few things seem as amusing as the idea of a baseball team marching into the playoffs with barely 80 wins, when the Brewers and Dodgers both have 100+.

If both the Astros and the Rangers lost today, they would have ended with identical 80-82 records, with the Astros winning the division based on a tiebreaker, and we’d be witness to the first-ever sub-.500 division winner.

Unfortunately, the Astros pulled out a W against the also woeful Oakland Athletics, and finish 81-81, a cool .500, breaking the previous mark of futility of the 2005 Padres and their 82-80 record.  I’m disappointed, because .500 is still .500 and isn’t as ironically entertaining as .494 and firmly under .500.

That being said, after the Braves get bounced by the Phillies, I think I’m going to have to root for the Astros to go all the way, because few things would be great in baseball than an 81-win team going all the way, before the whole league goes on strike, and the last World Series champion of this era being a shitty 81-win Houston Astros, whom everyone already hates their franchise because of the cheating scandal of 2017.

So with the Astros in, the American League playoff bracket is something that of a slow-adult dreamed up, where an 81-win Astros get the #3 seed by virtue of winning a pitiful AL West going up against an 83-win #6 seed White Sox, where the winner of series gets go play against an 85-win Guardians squad that actually won the AL Central.

Meanwhile, on the other branch of the bracket, a 93-win Yankees squad goes up against an 87-win Red Sox squad, where the winner gets to play a 97-win Rays squad, where if you’re paying attention, all of them are in the same division, and because there’s no re-seeding after the Wild Card round, the #1 seed in the AL has to play a stronger squad in the divisional round, and it’s guaranteed that at least one sub-90 win squad is going to be in the ALCS, and keep hopes for a World Series alive.

But let’s end this post about baseball on a high note, which was the emotional Detroit Tigers game, which was the final game of future Hall of Famer, Justin Verlander, the pride of Goochland (Virginia).  I always love when professional athletes go out on their own terms, and I’m happy for Verlander doing the same, instead of milking it longer in order to pursue 300 wins (retiring with 266).  It’s not like he has anything left to prove at this point otherwise, seeing as how he’s already got two World Series rings, three Cy Young Awards, an MVP, 3,500+ strikeouts, three no-hitters, and countless all-star selections.

He goes out in a beautiful game where he’s joined by his kids with his supermodel wife Kate Upton, and I think the best part about the game was in his final inning, where legendary-bad umpire, and also-in his final game ever, Laz Diaz completely capitalizes on the Pirates’ running out of ABS challenges, and makes some hilariously bad calls in order for Verlander to end his final outing with a strikeout.

It’s been a fun regular season, but as we all know, the playoffs are a completely different animal, so let’s close out the regular season with reminders of just how awesome baseball is still capable of being.