Like the overcompetitive tryhard psychopath I am when it comes to Willy’s, burritos and competition, when I heard about the Willy’s Road Trip contest, and decided that I was going to do it, naturally it turned into a situation of “ha ha, you’re crazy Danny,” to a degree of planning and execution that really probably makes the people around me crook their head a little bit before looking at me next.
So yeah, when I was giving a lot of thought about how I was going to approach this, I decided that I was going to finish it as fast as possible, and came up with a route that would optimize hitting as many Willy’s on particular days, so that I could achieve this optimal finish.
What I was banking on was the fact that among the 27 Willy’s locations, four of them were within office buildings that had limited, Monday through Friday hours, hours as swift as 2:00 p.m. in one of them. I figure those four would trip up most other psychopaths (if there are any), because the contest started on a Friday, and those most gung-ho about it would have to be as nuts and have as little of a life as I did in order to get them tackled as soon as possible.
Anyway, the point of this post was that I wanted to make a table that chronicled the journey, with as many factoids as I can remember to put into it, so that all of my six readers can see just how much of a retard I am when it comes to the pursuit of some free Willy’s.
| Store | Location | Date | Order | Spent | Parking |
| #17 | AT&T Lindbergh | 7/1 | Fountain Drink | $2.11 | $1.00 |
| #11 | AT&T Midtown | 7/1 | Snapple | $2.43 | $1.00 |
| #5 | Peachtree Center | 7/1 | Small Guacamole/Chips | $1.08 | |
| Snapple | $2.43 | $8.00 | |||
| #19 | Georgia State University | 7/1 | Snapple | $2.43 | $0.75 |
| #15 | Edgewood | 7/1 | Chicken Burrito | $8.29 | |
| #20 | Ponce de Leon | 7/1 | Fountain Drink | $2.11 | |
| #8 | Piedmont Park | 7/1 | Small Guacamole/Chips | $1.08 | |
| #6 | Buckhead | 7/1 | Snapple | $2.43 | |
| $35.14 | $35.14 | ||||
| #16 | (Fucking) Athens | 7/2 | Steak Burrito/Drink | $10.38 | |
| #7 | Norcross | 7/2 | Snapple | $2.39 | |
| #27 | Milton | 7/2 | Snapple | $2.41 | |
| #26 | Roswell | 7/2 | Snapple | $2.41 | |
| #25 | Kennesaw 1 | 7/2 | Snapple | $2.39 | |
| #12 | Kennesaw 2 | 7/2 | Snapple | $2.39 | |
| #18 | East Cobb | 7/2 | Snapple | $2.39 | |
| #3 | Marietta | 7/2 | Snapple | $2.39 | |
| #2 | Vinings | 7/2 | Snapple | $2.39 | |
| #9 | West Paces Ferry | 7/2 | Snapple | $2.43 | |
| $31.97 | $67.11 | ||||
| #24 | Peachtree City | 7/3 | Snapple | $2.39 | |
| #10 | Perimeter | 7/3 | Small Guacamole/Chips | $1.07 | |
| #23 | Sandy Springs | 7/3 | Snapple | $2.41 | |
| #1 | North Buckhead | 7/3 | Snapple | $2.43 | |
| #21 | Brookhaven | 7/3 | Fountain Drink | $2.09 | |
| #22 | North Druid Hills | 7/3 | Snapple | $2.41 | |
| #4 | Decatur | 7/3 | Snapple | $2.41 | |
| #14 | Howell Mill | 7/3 | Super Nachos, Frito Burrito, 2 alcoholic drinks | $28.84 | |
| $44.05 | $111.16 | ||||
| #13 | Hapeville | 7/4 | Medium Guacamole, Snapple | $5.89 | $117.05 |
Having put this table together, I think two things stand out:
- How much of a psychopath I am to try and fly through this contest in the span of days, when the parameters of the contest give people 45 days.
- How much money I’m willing to sink in Snapples, chips and occasional meals, for a base prize valued at maybe $500~; and this doesn’t factor in the time, gas and wear on my car to drive around to and from fucking Athens, as well as the rigors of driving around Downtown Atlanta and around the rest of the Metro area.
Funny story about Peachtree Center: I was dismayed by the $8 cost to park my car nearby, but when the day is over, I’d rather have paid $8 to park my car rather than risk getting a $30 ticket and probably a completely irrational court summons from the dying husk of ParkAtlanta. So I figured I’d lowball the shit out of this Willy’s, and get just some chips and guac, especially since I hadn’t eaten anything substantial in some time either. I get my chips and guac, put the receipt in my back pocket, nosh a little bit on the way back to my car, and before I get my keys, I realize that the receipt had slipped out of my pocket. So, since the receipts are the keys to the contest, I ended up having to walk back to the Willy’s, and decided to get yet another Snapple, just for another fucking receipt. This is also why Peachtree Center somehow has two lines worth of items ordered and money spent.
At one point, a Willy’s employee commented that the Snapple I was paying $2+ for, I could probably get at the adjacent gas station for a buck. I had to smile and explain to him that “there was a reason for this.” I guess stating “I want to win a contest really badly” seemed like it would be embarrassing to admit to at the time.
Also, I made sure to take a selfie at every location, in case some proof of my insanity were needed:
