Suck it, Dook. Also eat shit, Coach K

And nnnewwww: Virginia Tech 82, Duke 67 F

Lol. Oh man. Never thought I’d ever see this day ever. Frankly never thought I’d even consider this a possibility either, but here we are.  ACC champions.. of Men’s basketball: the Virginia Tech Hokies.

The literal turkeys giving new definition to cockblocking, having denied all sorts of favored basketball programs a conference title in the vaunted ACC.  A #7 seed going gangbusters and inexplicably winning four games in four days.  A title that should’ve been won by Notre Dame, or Duke.  A title game that was destined to be UNC/Duke #1,069.

All these should haves and could haves, that never did happen, all because of an improbable hot streak by a team hardly known for basketball. 

It feels like just a week ago, I was writing about clowning on Patrick Ewing, and learning that just a year ago he took an #8 seed Georgetown squad and won the Big East.  But as much as I dunk on Ewing, he’s still a reputable Hall of Famer, and it was the Big East he won, not the ACC.  Virginia Tech winning the ACC in hoops is like McDonald’s winning a bracket in coffee, McDonald’s winning a tournament of chicken sandwiches, or McDonald’s winning a competition of quality competency.  I’m not sure why I’m taking shots at McDonald’s here, maybe it’s because it’s 4:25 am the morning after daylight losings or maybe I’m getting hungry, but the point remains.

I actually checked in at a time in which I thought the game would’ve been over, only to be mortified at seeing there was still like three minutes to go, with Tech only being up by like 7 points. I don’t know, I closed the app too fast to remember.  But I was absolutely sure that because I deviated from my normal game ghosting, Dook was bound to go on a massive three-pointer spree, close the deficit, and then some other Plumlee brother would come out of nowhere to jam down some go-ahead punctuation dunk to shatter my hopes and newfound dream of seeing Tech winning the ACC in men’s hoops. 

I put my phone down and decided three minutes of game time that probably ended up being 30 minutes of real time was more important to get when I needed to be up at 3 am for my morning flight.  And went to bed completely expecting to see Dook winning like 79-74.

But that didn’t happen.  I awoke to see that Tech didn’t even waver or even have to bend much less actually break.  Dook was the team that collapsed, failed to close the gap and end up getting blown up in the end.  Coach K’s humiliating farewell tour continues with another L, having lost the ACC title game, after getting blown out at home in his final game on the court named after him.

Does this still count as baby luck?  It’s still within the first calendar year of #2, after all.  I got to see a Braves World Series, seen Georgia not Georgia and win a natty in football, and now a completely improbable ACC championship from Virginia Tech.

It’s a shame that I’ve become so busy for sports, because as a fan of them, this by any measure has been a pretty incredible year for my general sport fandoms, interests and allegiances.  But then again, being so balls out with them is what usually leads to heartbreaks and disappointments.  I’ll take everything as it’s happened here, and arrogantly do my written victory laps retroactively and often times after the facts.

And with that, we may resume the status quo where Virginia Tech will probably get bounced by a school nobody’s heard of like Jackson State, and hopefully the Coach K farewell tour continues with yet one more L, to hopefully another school nobody’s heard of like Creighton.

Whatever though, because right now, Virginia Tech are champions, of the ACC, and that is something to be proud and happy about.  I had a hard time picking an image to use for this post, and I was really tempted to use one of Coach K getting fed shit, but when the day is over, it was still more important to back the boys over shitting on Coach K.  Instead, here’s a mini gallery of some of the choice photos I found after the game:

Continue reading “Suck it, Dook. Also eat shit, Coach K”

Suck it, UNC

Wtf is this sorcery: Virginia Tech 72, North Carolina 59 F

Best part about this was looking for a good image to accompany this post; I found an image I liked, but even better than that was the headline from the source in which it came from.  Frankly, I couldn’t have written a better headline myself.

Obviously, with games I care about, I ghost harder than an employer ducking a candidate, and try to do absolutely anything and everything other than pay attention to the game, so that I can hopefully be pleasantly surprised when I do check in.  So other than a regrettable score check at one point in my evening, I didn’t bother checking again until I was pretty sure that the game was over, and lo and behold, Virginia Tech has continued to royally cockblock the entire college basketball scene, and spoiled yet another contender, easily defeating the vaunted North Carolina.

And everyone knows that the vast majority of sports fans really, really, really wanted a third UNC vs. Duke game, this time for the National ACC Championship, and all the storylines that would’ve come from it.  Like Coach K’s chance at redemption against Carolina after getting owned at home, UNC’s quest to feed Coach K more shit, by denying him an ACC championship on his way out, and just all sorts of other pomp and circumstance that are involved whenever UNC and Duke are slated to meet.

Yeah, no, none of that shit is going to be happening anymore.  Thanks to Virginia Tech of all schools, the ACC championship is going to be Duke vs. Virginia Tech in the matchup nobody outside of Virginia really wanted to see happen.  It’s fucking great, as far as I’m concerned.

But it also fucking sucks, because by all measures, Virginia Tech will have gotten this far in the tournament, and probably get throttled by Duke.  They’re not playing in Blacksburg, where they seem to have Duke’s number, the game will be held in “neutral” Greensboro which is obviously like an hour away from Durham.  As I said in a prior Tech hoops post, it kind of sucks to get to the finals and lose, as opposed to getting bounced earlier, because by now there’s all this hope and disappointment to be plopped down when the inevitable happens, and as much as I love to see Duke and Coach K eat shit as much as any other non-Duke alum on the planet, but they’re still ranked for reasons other than being on Coach K’s payroll, and Virginia Tech is still Virginia Tech, and failure to win a big game, is all but in their blood.

Oh well though.  Wins against Clemson, Notre Dame and North Carolina is a hell of a run for Tech, and should be more than enough to get them through the bubble and into the NCAA Tournament, where they can instead get bounced in the second round to a school nobody outside of their alumni knows where they are, like Bucknell, Abilene Christian, or St. Bonaventure.  It’s been a fun ride all the same.

Suck it, Irish

lol’d heartily: Virginia Tech 87, Notre Dame 80 F

Now I get to be one of those obnoxious filthy casuals who only pays attention to scores and doesn’t actually watch any of the games, but celebrates the wins and goes radio silent for the losses.  Because I gave zero shits about Virginia Tech vs Notre Dame, but I certainly am happy and more than willing to expound a couple hundred words on the topic of the overrated Irish getting owned.

Seriously, much like Clemson, Notre Dame football put a general prejudice towards Notre Dame in my head, and I love to see Notre Dame lose, at pretty much anything.  Even against Clemson, because Notre Dame arrogantly thinks they’re too good for any conference, but now that they’ve loosely been tied to the ACC, they’re getting their asses whooped by real athletic programs.

So despite the fact that Tech beat ND in conference play earlier in the season, this seemed like as good of time as any for the Hokies to pull their usual postseason vanishing act against a once again overrated Irish squad.  But they didn’t, and I was once again pleased to hear of a Hokie win, where apparently Notre Dame was barely in the game regardless of the final score.

Two wins down, and a date with a surging North Carolina squad that in all likelihood should squash them. And I’d kind of be okay with that at this juncture because a win over UNC puts them in the finals, where Miami or worse, Duke would await them. And when the day is over, getting to the final and losing to Duke would kind of suck more than getting bounced earlier, because the hope train wouldn’t have been gaining steam and leading to a disappointing heartbreaker.

Whatever though, it’s not like I’m paying attention enough to care that much. All the same, go Hokies!

Suck it, Climpson

Impetus: Virginia Tech 76, Clemson 75 F/OT

I haven’t really paid much attention to college hoops this season; frankly as I’ve stated numerous times I don’t really follow anything these days, my life is so consumed by my children.  But I was casually aware that Virginia Tech was kind of a middling program this season; nowhere near as good as they were last year or the season they made it to the Sweet Sixteen, but still decent enough to be considered a bubble team.  They didn’t upset Duke like they often do, and they split the series with Virginia, but otherwise they were a middle of the pack team.

But I was reminded recently that the ACC National Championship Tournament was going on so I casually checked in to see how Tech was doing.  I was pleased to see that they had actually won a game instead of getting bounced one and done, and that the win has come against Clemson.

Frankly, I’m so scarred by Clemson’s reputation based on football alone that I’m gleeful to see when they lose in any sport at this point, especially to the Hokies.  I’d gladly gloat over a Tech win against Clemson if it were in ultimate frisbee or quidditch; but the fact that it happened in something I do care about like college basketball makes it that much better.

With that, I don’t even care if and when Tech inevitably gets bounced by the usual powerhouses of the ACC.  I’m ready to drop the whole “well Tech’s not a basketball school…” line, but conveniently forget just how mediocre the coach-less and endless rebuilding the football program has become.

But it’s all good.  A notable postseason win for Virginia Tech over Clemson is always acceptable in my book, regardless of the sport.

Of course Patrick Ewing wants to get rid of the handshake line

Sportsmanship?  What’s that?  NBA legend and current Georgetown Hoyas coach, Patrick Ewing opines that the tradition of the post-game handshake line be eliminated

In all fairness, I don’t really disagree with Ewing.  This whole discussion came into question after an incident where former player-now coach of Michigan, Juwan Howard took a swipe at a Wisconsin assistant after losing to the Badgers, it’s probably not the worst idea in the world to keep two teams apart from each other after a game ends, especially since society today is full of sore losers who can’t handle defeat.

It’s an antiquated custom that creates more room for conflict than it does at preventing it, even if it is an attempt to curry the notion of sportsmanship in the game.  It’s the kind of thing that’s practiced at the junior, junior, kids level, but considering basketball is still originally a children’s game, I understand why they try to force it onto participants even at a level as high as D-I collegiate.

But this post comes to fruition because it’s Patrick Ewing who came out and said this, and it’s just such a low-hanging fruit easy opportunity to clown on Ewing, because as many players have proven throughout history, it’s just so easy to dunk on him.

And as the subject of the post said, of course Patrick Ewing wants to get rid of the handshake line – since he’s taken the reigns at Georgetown, the Hoyas have gone 26-48 over four years in the Big East, so that means Ewing and his players have had to go through a whole lot of post-game handshake lines as the losing squad.  It’s no wonder Ewing wants to get rid of the handshake line, because he’s been getting owned way more than doing the ownage, and he’s tired of it.

The funny thing is that in doing the cursory fact-checking for this post, I had no idea that Georgetown actually won the Big East conference championship last year.  The Hoyas went 7-9 in conference play, but then used a Game Genie during the conference tournament and ended up winning the whole fucking thing from the 8th seed.  That was four straight critical games in which Ewing was actually on the winning side of the handshake line, and fairly recently, so I’m surprised to see that he’s still against it.

Oh shit, but then I realized what I was looking at wasn’t factoring in this season, and at the time I’m writing this, the once vaunted Georgetown Hoyas, are an abysmal 0-16 in conference play this year.  FFfffffuuuck, no wonder Ewing is completely over the handshake line, after all.  Poor guy just can’t stop getting owned, he might want to consider leaving the industry if he ever wants to stop getting dunked on.

Steph Curry hit 16 threes in a game

Sure, it was an all-star game, where nobody plays any defense, but still.  In the span of a single 48-minute basketball game, Steph Curry still sank an astounding 16 three pointers.  Now if you’re doing the math, that means he scored 48 points on treys alone, so it’s funny to see that his final score was still a ridiculous 50 points, meaning that aside from all the three pointers, he made just one singular two point field goal.

Numbers like these will never fail to astound me, because I grew up as an NBA fan in an era where John Starks sinking six threes in a game is a rare occurrence, Dennis Scott going nuts and draining nine was bonkers, and then Kobe Bryant hitting eleven threes in a game was flat-out ridiculous.  50 points in an all-star game was unheard of, and I remember the last time the all-star game was in Cleveland, Glen Rice won the MVP after scoring 26 points and hitting a paltry four threes.

So seeing that a guy hit 16 three pointers in a single game is definitely something that makes my face contort and say really, because that’s just flat out ridiculous.  I’m pretty sure I didn’t hit 16 threes in a single game of NBA Jam, even with the fire cheat code on, because the quarters were like two minutes long and I simply didn’t have the time to launch sixteen threes.

The more I think about it, the more it’s clear that Steph Curry really did change the entire sport of basketball, arguably more than any other guy before him.  To a degree, even guys like Kobe Bryant and LeBron James were evolutions of Michael Jordan, who were all dominant scorers and utilized strong post games and mid-range shooting to amass their points.  But then Steph Curry came along playing like he were a video game character, and launching twenty three pointers a game, but the thing was that he was still hitting like 8-9 of them every single game and next thing you know he’s cleared 25 points on threes alone.

I used to root against the Warriors because I’m resistant to change and I had a hard time accepting the Golden State Warriors as championship material, and then I rooted against them because nobody likes seeing top dogs continue to succeed.  But regardless of how ambivalent I am towards the NBA in general, there’s no denying that rooting for or against the Warriors, Steph Curry is a phenomenal talent, and seeing him drain threes from all over the floor is truly awe-inspiring and never isn’t entertaining.

Peak America

I read this story about how health care in America is so fucked up, that it creates a perfect scenario for billionaire Mark Cuban to swoop in and get to play hero to the country.  In short, Mark Cuban launched an internet pharmacy that offers more than 100 generic drugs at reasonable cost, which is a bigger deal than it might sound, because American pharmacists have been notorious for gauging the fuck out of the American people over the last decade or so.

Naturally, Cuban is being lauded with acclaim, in addition to people being refueled for their disdain for the pharmaceutical industry for being greedy and valuing profit over human lives.  The thing is, Cuban embarking on this endeavor is about as low-hanging fruit as they come; there are a number of billionaires, corporations, conglomerates or any other entities in the world that could have done this, a long time ago.  The fact that of all the random rich entities in there are, Mark Cuban is the guy that grasps the low bar, and is not only going to look like a modern saint, but make no mistake, he’s going to profit, massively.

I have no qualms with Mark Cuban, in fact I respect the guy tremendously, in spite of the fact that us pleebs are supposed to hate the wealthy.  He’s one of the guys that actually understands the need to give some shit away in order to make money, and such is the core strategy of how he basically transformed the Dallas Mavericks from perennial laughing stocks into eventual champions.

In fact, he’s basically doing the same thing all over again, but instead of basketball tickets, it’s common, necessary medicine.  Just because he’ll be selling generic medicine at a little over 15% over at-cost, he’s undoubtedly going to be raking in massive amounts of money on account of the likely million people who will all be shopping his online pharmacy; all while gaining their adulation at providing such a compassionate service.

It’s basic Wolf of Wall Street math here, sell cheap necessities to the lower classes, and there’s ridiculous amounts of money to be made.  And as much as I too think what Cuban is doing is a very good thing for the world, the sad reality is that he probably shouldn’t have been the party to have had the opportunity to do this; when it really should’ve been the responsibility of, fucking America, to do this for its own people instead.

But I guess without stories like this, America really wouldn’t be America.