Michelle Yeohwned

All hail: Michelle Yeoh wins Golden Globe for Best Actress, tells pianist to shut up when event tries to play her off the stage

I obviously don’t pay much attention to the world outside of my little bubble, and I’m very reliant on headlines to even attempt to get my finger on the pulse of the happenings around the world.  Rarely, there will be headlines that are pretty succinct and get to the point and they’re stories that I just know I’m going to like when I click on them.

A headline of Michelle Yeoh winning a Golden Globe is appealing enough as it is, as the woman is a legend in the film industry, in both Asia as well as the United States at this point, and it’s about fucking time that Hollywhite give her the recognition that she so justly deserves.  But then to also hear that she told the event’s pianist to “shut up,” and that she “could beat you up,” and my jaw lowers and it goes from a story that’s nice to know, to oh shit I need details, and video if it’s available pls.

And it delivers everything as advertised.  For a woman that just turned 60, she’s still stunning, and still gives off the mythical oriental aura of someone who could still whoop your ass.  Her English is flawless and she speaks with confidence and context, and her speech as a whole was powerful and so very satisfying to all Asians.  And of course, the best part was when she not only told the event pianist to shut up and that she could beat them up, is the fact that the show didn’t really waste any time in yielding the stage to her to let her finish.

It’s hard to find the right words to describe just how incredible it was of her to do such.  Calling her a queen is so white or so black, whatever demo loves to use that cliché.  But it really was a genuine queen moment, because that really is what the Best Actress award really is, but I just think Michelle Yeoh deserves better than a cheap American euphemism.  She’s really like a badass sifu of Hollywood in doing such, and anyone who tries to do this themselves in future award shows is just being cheap imitators.

And because I don’t feel like writing another post to dedicate to the topic, big ups also goes to Ke Huy Quan for winning Best Supporting Actor in the same film, to which this is the perfect opportunity to reference the fact that Jeff Cohen AKA Chunk was his lawyer that negotiated the deal for the role which is just absolutely classic that over three decades later, Data and Chunk are still working together and that even over three decades isn’t enough time for Cohen to be able to shake the name Chunk.

I never saw Everything Everywhere at Once, regardless from how much praise I’ve heard about it from everyone who had seen it.  I’m sure it’s a great flick, and I will eventually get to it, but my opinion of it is already positive, solely based on Michelle Yeoh, Data and Chunk, and all the positive buzz it’s giving for Asians.

Stetson Bennett went to Grambling State??

Because that golden G logo next to his name is Grambling State University’s logo, an HBCU in Louisiana.  Pretty big of Stetson Bennett IV to not see color, in spite of having the whitest name on the face of the planet.

Or more likely, pretty bad on ESPN to not consider the copyright infringement and flagrant disrespect to an HBCU by gold-washing the team logos just because it was the national championship.  No shock there that ESPN doesn’t notice stepping on a black school.

But all jokes aside, holy mary mother of god, was that an ass-whoopin’.  65-7 is basically a Madden score when you turn the difficulty down to very easy, turn off injuries and fatigue, and truck the shit out of the AI, whose lone TD comes on a successful Hail Mary because the game’s rubberband mechanics basically make it impossible for someone to get shutout.

In spite of the chips on the shoulders, the media disrespect and all other detractors that should have for all intents and purposes fired them up to put up something of a fight, TCU put up what surely has to be one of the most embarrassing and worst national championship game performances in history. [2011 LSU and 1991 Miami were both shutout, and 2000 FSU scored just 2 points lol safety]  Undoubtedly, it was the biggest blowout in natty history, and outside of Georgia, probably one of the most boring national championship games ever.

Seriously, seven points?  In a natty?  It’s flabbergasting just how wrong everything was about TCU, and hopefully we never see TCU anywhere near the playoff again, much less playing for another national championship.  Frankly, I think it’s time we stop using the phrase Power Five when it comes to talking about conferences, because the Big-12, or the Pac-12 haven’t proven shit when it comes to football, considering notwithstanding that fluky first 2014, every single natty has been won by an SEC school or Clemson.

I mean I know I’m coming off as a mega SEC blowhard, but the numbers are the numbers.  All of my zero readers know that I’m really an ACC blowhard, regardless of how much Virginia Tech pretends to be a football school. Any single SEC school would have put up a better fight against Georgia than TCU did, and so often times is the case, after an SEC school routs a non-SEC school for a natty, there’s always some player or coach that makes the backhanded remark about how conference games are more competitive.

For context, unranked Florida and Missouri put up 20 and 22 points against Georgia earlier in the year.  Georgia Tech put up 14 points.  Even Kent State hung 22 on Georgia and they’re not even a Power-Five Three program.

I mean everyone has bad games, but this was the national championship.  This is the game where nobody should have any bad games, this is the game where everyone has been duking it out for the last six months and where real contenders should be showing why they’re contenders.  It’s not even that I’m happy that as a Georgia resident, Grambling State Georgia won another natty, I’m just disappointed that TCU shit the bed so embarrassingly bad.  Of course I was hoping Georgia would beat them, but when they basically didn’t even try, it’s tantamount to as being as meaningful as a win as beating a bunch of blind paraplegics in any sort of physical contest.

Whatever though, the only reason this post even came to fruition was the hilarious observation that I’m sure that only I noticed, that Stetson Bennett IV was shown on screen as playing for Grambling State.  Being the logo master that I am that collated all the logos and team colors for NCAA.com, only a snob like me would have.

I don’t think the WWE realizes the Christmas gift they’ve just been given

SSDD – WWE superstar under fire for unpopular opinions on social media, feat. Lacey Evans

I don’t particularly care to go too in depth on what Lacey Evans said or supported on social media, I’m sure anyone interested could simply google it and find it with relative ease, but basically it has something to do with her basically being a believer in some conspiracies about how autism and ADD are fake or something of the sort, and the internet coming down on her like Hulkamania, forcing her into internet defense mode, and last I checked, she’s deactivated all her shit and gone dark, as one really should do when the heat gets a little hot.

The point of this post is though, that if there were ever one small sliver of an advantage that Lacey Evans has in her life right now, is the fact that she’s a professional wrestler, an occupation oft-seen as carny and not to be taken too seriously, and if she and interested parties play their cards right, I feel like there’s a hell of a gift to be found and cashed in upon, and Evans can be absolved of dumb doing, and the WWE can possibly make some money in the process.

Long story short, the WWE hasn’t had much luck in finding a working formula, creatively, for Lacey Evans.  And Lacey Evans, personal beliefs notwithstanding, is one of those talents that actually excels more on the physical spectrum than character work, which is kind of a rarity these days, as lots of wrestlers have realized that it’s more important to be able to entertaining versus demonstrating technical ability.

We had the, kind of Rosie the Riveter She Can Do It version of Lacey Evans when she was still in NXT, she was called up to the main roster to be the sassy southern belle, which had a little bit of success, but her personal life derailed her career just when things were getting interesting in a program with Charlotte Flair when she got pregnant and had to go off television.  But to her credit, she had a kid, got back into shape, but has been spinning wheels trying to get back on television, even trying to lean into the usual layup of All-American veteran-turned pro wrestler.

Just when things were seemingly trying to get back on course again, by pairing Evans up with the hall of fame Sgt. Slaughter, she had to get in her own way by spouting off on Twitter, which frankly social media should be avoided by all celebrities if they know what’s good for them, and the internet is all over her because her opinions are not popular, regardless of the fact that I think they’re dumb too personally.

But the thing is, as Eric Bischoff once said, controversy creates cash, and whether Lacey Evans and the WWE realize it or not, they’ve been given a tremendous gift right now, in the form of an extremely effective emotion-eliciting potential persona for Lacey Evans:

Lacey Evans: the Karen of the WWE.

Continue reading “I don’t think the WWE realizes the Christmas gift they’ve just been given”

The World Cup summed up in one picture

  • No booze allowed in stadiums
  • Players and attendees expected to adhere to Islamic laws, primarily abstaining from sex, alcohol and consumption of meat
  • Allegations of people paid to be fans
  • News then broke of said payment to said fans were reneged upon
  • Controversy over the disallowing of rainbow armbands, threatening actual in-game punishment for those who defy, resulting in players all not wearing them in fear of yellow card penalties
  • Qatar was the first host country team in World Cup history to lose their opener, mostly because they had no business participating in the first place
  • Argentina also lost their opener, to Saudi Arabia, in a highly speculated (by me) fixed match
  • The World Cup app used for attendees to access stadiums crashed, resulting in hundreds of fans unable to get into games
  • Cristiano Ronaldo’s signing with a Saudi club for a gozillion dollars overshadowed Portugal, resulting in him falling out with the team and getting benched
  • Argentina and the Netherlands had a battle royale disguised as a futbol match where there were 18 yellow cards issued and a player kicking a ball full force into the Netherlands’ bench, erupting in a fight
  • American sports journalist, Grant Wahl, has an aneurism and dies, in the middle of the Argentina/Netherlands match
  • Underdogs Croatia and the first-ever African and Arab nation, Morocco, advanced to the semi-finals
  • But got bounced by powerhouses, Argentina and France
  • And despite ugly matches against Saudi Arabia and the Netherlands, Argentina ends up winning the World Cup
  • Where goalkeeper Emi Martinez immediately makes an ass of himself and his country with this meme-worthy photo that will plague the rest of his career and Argentinian futbol until the end of time

However, despite all of my criticisms and snarky tone in regard to the Qatar World Cup that shouldn’t have happened, even I have to admit that it was one of the most exciting tournaments, like ever.  At least as long as I’ve had any interest in World Cup futbol.

In spite of the typical powerhouse final between Argentina and France, there was a level of parity shown by a lot of the world, saying they’re catching up in terms of skill.  Even Korea made my entire tournament by winning a critical match against Portugal in dramatic fashion.

Goalkeepers stole the show in my opinion, with numerous GKs throughout the field demonstrating all sorts of ice water in their veins, stopping shots and looking like gods throughout the numerous shootouts that occurred once the knockouts began.  Croatia and  Morocco’s especially did yeoman’s work for their countries en route to their path to the semis, and had either of their semi matches went to PKs, the ending might’ve been a different story.

So it’s kind of an unsurprising irony that Emi Martinez ends up winning the Golden Glove award for best GK of the tournament.  He won it solely because he was basically the last GK standing for the winning club, but not because he really deserved it.  Sure, he stopped France twice in the shootout that decided the game, but the reality is that he still let Mbappe and even the Saudi club eat his lunch numerous times beforehand.

And maybe it’s because he’s aware of the irony that he decides to act like a clown with his award, but more likely because the fact that he’s just a dumb jock, lucking into success at a children’s game.  Either way, as funny as I do think the photo is, I have this feeling that this is a shot that will lead to a lot more regret than it will entertainment for him.  Not only is going to be immortalized in countless memes in coming years and generations, it’s going to be the poster image of any and all goalkeeper fuckups, Martinez’s, Argentina’s, Liverpool’s or anyone else’s.

Championship glory lasts forever, especially for those who experience it first-hand, but a good mocking meme not only also lasts forever, but it has greater reach to those among the casuals and those just looking on the internet for people to pile on to.  The glory of Messi’s triumph will live for those who love futbol, but the goofiness of Martinez will reach far beyond and define the entire tournament for the unofficial wrath of the internet.

Marvel Comics imagined by someone who doesn’t know Marvel Comics

The following is a painting by the world renown famous Thomas Kincade Studios®.  From what the product description states, this is supposed to represent the Battle of Wakanda, that I have no idea is actually sourced from, but my knee-jerk reaction was that this was just a hilariously bad imagining of the climactic fight from Avengers: Infinity War.

Because Thanos’ forces weren’t Skrulls, nor did they have the Hulk/Wolverine Hulkerine abomination in their ranks, and I didn’t know why one of the troglodytes had Loki horns and was carrying Stormbreaker.  Nor was Storm involved in the battle, much less any mutants at all because phase one of the MCU most definitely didn’t have any of the M-words anywhere, at least in name.

But in all fairness, the product description actually discloses that it’s some other battle of Wakanda, and discloses the Skrulls by name, so it really isn’t just a tragically terrible imagining of the Infinity War battle, as much as I would have loved for it to have been.

All the same, it’s still terrible in its own right, and there’s a legendary degree of shark-jumping and DJ Tanner wrestling in play here with Disney actually allowed for the vaunted Marvel comics to do a collaboration with Thomas Kinkade, which is best known for the overly fluffy artwork of horses, cottages and forest fantasy scenes on plates and forgettable artwork hanging at your white grandma’s house.

And all the same, it’s fairly clear that whomever did paint this horrendous piece probably doesn’t know Marvel comics at all.  I know there were other super Skrulls that emerged throughout the years, but most all comic followers usually are aware of the OG Super Skrull and that his additional powers were only that of the four members of the Fantastic Four.

I just love how there’s the primary focal point of the Skrull army being some nondescript super Skrull who is as big as the Hulk, has one flaming arm of Human Torch, and is sprouting Wolverine claws out of the other.  And then you have the other hulking Skrull in the background carrying two Asgardian weapons, leading one to believe that if these are the bad guys, how are they worthy to be holding two Asgardian weapons?

And then there’s the weird golem in the background that looks like a cross between Mach I Iron Man and Juggernaut, but for some reason he has Thing’s arm.  Furthermore, none of the Skrulls have the multiple cleft chins that they’re pretty known for physically.

But what I like about this piece is that due to the multiple points of focus, and the strange right-to-left directionality of the conflict, and to those who might actually not follow comics and were to look at this, it really is kind of ambiguous to whom the artist of this piece had envisioned the bad guys to be.  For all the casual viewers would know, the Skrulls are the ones defending their land and their futuristic looking city in the background from an army of invading black people, and not vice versa.

Considering the general demographic of Thomas Kinkade’s usual consumer base, this was either done intentionally, or completely unconsciously by the artist.  Neither of which is good, but at least it’s something for comic fans to all collectively point and laugh at.

Starting at $950, the fuck out of here

If life were wrestling, Stacey Abrams turns heel now

I never wanted to be a person whose gave much concern over politics, but maybe it’s a symptom of getting older, or the world is just getting so progressively fucked up that people like me are organically becoming more aware of them, but I’ve found myself caring enough to the point where when the political season starts heating up, I feel the need to ignore everything, because I care, and I’m treating the whole thing like how I treat sports game that I’m vested in.

That being said, I can’t say that I’m the least bit surprised at the results of Georgia’s political battleground, namely the two key races that most people have been paying attention to.  Despite all of the available facts out there, Georgia unsurprisingly embarrassed themselves on a national stage, by having a legally brain-dead Hershel Walker garner so much voter support, that his deadlocked race against Raphael Warnock is now headed to a dreadful run-off race next month.

To my recollection, Democrats haven’t won a single run-off since I’ve lived here or paid any attention to, so instead of losing in November, Warnock seems destined to lose a bigger and more scrutinized race in December, because from what I can observe, the Democratic party can’t seem to put together a single winning strategy against the formulaic low-fruit smashing tactics of the GOP.

But the main point of this post is about Stacey Abrams, who lost for the second time to Yosemite Sam for governorship of Georgia.  I can’t say that I’m at all surprised by this outcome, but I was hoping that Sam’s bickering with the orange guy in 2020 would have done enough damage to him to where it might have shifted some voters to not vote for him, but when it really comes down to it, and the exit polls kind of confer, Stacey Abrams being both black and a female just makes it way too hard to overcome both racist and sexist reflexes of the Georgia voters that actually decided to vote.

According to census numbers, Georgia has about 7 million people who are of voting eligibility, but only about 4 million people actually voted.  Obviously, this isn’t to say that both Abrams and Warnock’s chances of victory would have been improved by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s still frustrating to learn that nearly 3 million people just didn’t vote at all.  If I’m a Hershel Walker supporter, I’m just as frustrated by this, seeing as how the margin of voters between Warnock is what’s sending this to a run-off in the first place.

Either way, to no surprise, Abrams is taking her loss with dignity and class, as was the case the first time around.  She vows to continue to fight for Georgians, and is saying all of the right things that those in the political career should be saying.  But honestly, if I’m Stacey Abrams, and life were actually professional wrestling, at this point I’m fucking sick of Georgians, tired of trying to win Georgia, and I’m turning heel on the state and vowing to move onto bigger and better things.

3 million motherfuckers not voting at all?  What’s the point of Fair Fight when there are a bunch of people who just don’t want to fight at all?  Twice now, Georgians have left Stacey down by not turning up to the polls, and she’s basically had to eat a shit sandwich twice over now.

Abrams is no stranger outside of Georgia too, as she was one of the names that was on the short list of potential Vice President candidates.  Who’s to say that after jobbing twice to Dutch Mantell that she just stops giving a fuck about Georgia and doesn’t move on to bigger and better opportunities in Washington? 

Frankly, I think it would tickle me delirious if Stacey Abrams were to go have a press conference on WSB to announce what she’s going to do next, and unleashing a scathing promo on the state of Georgia, that she’s sick and tired of trying to prop this sexist and racist backwater state up to civilized standards, and that she’s peaceing the fuck out of here, before dropping the mic.

As she gets down from the podium, a bunch of white rednecks in UGA sweatshirts are seen throwing Bud Light bottles and toilet paper rolls onto the stage, like a 1998 episode of WCW Monday Nitro.

At this point, I can’t say I’d blame her.

David Chang has apparently gone full Gusteau

Over the last week or so, I’ve been getting inundated with ads for David Chang’s (endorsed) air-dried noodles, which effectively has taken David Chang from being a well-known restauranteur and into the arena of an actual home cooking brand. 

I have this love-hate opinion of David Chang, because when I first heard of him, I thought he was this weeb that sold out his Korean heritage by opening a restaurant called Momofuku.  But then I learned that not only did he grow up in the same area I did in Virginia, one of my cousins has classes with him in high school, adding to the parallels I felt I had with him in this self-loathing manner.  But then I really did enjoy his first Netflix series, Ugly Delicious, because it was a well-produced series that had a lot of heart and soul in it.  But then anything he did afterward turned into this cringey star-fucking humblebrag, because of his increasing celebrity, so I’m mostly at this 60/40 scale of thinking he’s uncool, because anonymous people on the internet’s opinions totally matter.

Never mind that the product is about the whitest alternative to instant ramen there possibly could be, and their marketing pitch strategy that seems to think people are choosing to eat these 17¢ pucks of freeze dried noodles in pure salt water because they have a financial choice, and that “at ~$4 a meal” buying Momofuckyou air-dried noodles are a superior alternative.  Or that we’re supposed to believe that Chang himself was actually involved in “ten years of flavor research” when the guy is a few years older than I am, which would imply that he actually had any time at all in his early 30s to give a fuck about how to make a more white people friendly version of instant ramen.

It’s that by entering the world of producing DIY home cooking products, David Chang has basically turned into Gusteau from Ratatouille, spring-boarding his restaurant brand and celebrity status into a cheesy food brand.  Sure, it will in all likelihood make him richer beyond my capable dreams, but on the less-significant and internet coolness side of things, make him kind of a lame sell-out. 

Obviously I’m of the belief that such is always the goal of those who achieve fame, because securing the financial freedom for your family and possibly the generation(s) beyond you is always more important than what strangers think of you.  But I really wanted to make the comparison of David Chang to Gusteau, because it’s what I think he’s on the cusp of doing. 

Sure, Gusteau is dead [spoiler-alert] and it’s his crooked sous chef selling him out, but if Chang decides to go beyond noodles, and starts trying to sell DIY Indian food or soul food or Caribbean food, then he’s basically a real-life Korean Gusteau, worthy of having a series of tasteless cardboard cutouts of him wearing stereotypical garb of various nationalities.

Either way, I’m sure the internet and their endless parade of algorithms will know that I’ve got any opinion of David Chang at all, and when he inevitably releases Momofuckyou’s DIY chicken tikka masala, I’ll be ready and waiting to photoshop his head on Dhalsim’s body for an I-told-you-motherfuckers-so brog post.