Fewer things make me happier than this

I love seeing photos of dejected fans.  It almost doesn’t matter what sport it is, as long as there is disappointment, sometimes tears, and people being miserable, it makes me happy, as the sadistic, misery-seeking societal troll I can sometimes be.

This time however, is doubly good, because it’s Seahawks fans being mopey and miserable, pretty much under the perfect storm of circumstances in which this could possibly be the end result: victory all but inevitable, with the Seahawks two yards away from the game-winning touchdown, only seconds after a miracle of a catch, guaranteed to be immortalized in championship packages for decades if and when they completed the comeback victory, only to watch it all vanish in the blink of an eye as a result of what’s being already hailed as the worst play call in history when the Patriots intercepted the ball and sealed the game.

Seriously, the Seachickens had four downs to gain a half yard, 18 inches, while having the current best running back in the game who also happens to be an impending free agent, which means he would have guaranteed gotten into the end zone on at least four attempts, and the Seachickens and their legions of bandwagon fans would have been able to boast about being repeat Super Bowl champions.

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Score one more for TLC

I gave it to halftime, but the Super Bowl lost my interest pretty quickly.  It’s not like I was genuinely interested in the first place, but the Super Bowl is usually a game I can appreciate and enjoy if isn’t teams I dislike (readlast year).  But this one got out of hand pretty quickly, and with the Broncos providing absolutely zero resistance, it was pretty clear that it was on very steep downhill to becoming an uninteresting game.  So I switched to TLC, when I saw that they were airing a program called Sex Sent Me to the ER.

This is where I’d say “and now I have a new favorite show,” because I know I’ve said that at least fifty times in the last year alone, so I’ll just say that I found the show to be immensely entertaining, and I ended up tuning into two episodes while the Super Bowl mercifully ended, and was amused to an astounding degree.

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The worst-case scenario bowl

If anyone were to ask me who I would want to win the Super Bowl, I would go all Socrates on them, and ask them, “do you remember that scene from The Dark Knight Rises where Bane detonates all the gunpowder-laced concrete, and it destroys the ground underneath the football stadium, killing two entire football teams, except for Hines Ward who outruns all of it en route to scoring a kick-return touchdown?”

And when the response is obviously yes, because I probably wouldn’t associate myself with anyone who hasn’t seen The Dark Knight Rises, then I would say that that’s precisely how I would prefer this year’s Super Bowl to end up, except I don’t want anyone to score a touchdown at all, and would prefer that the kick returner just narrowly fall short of the end zone and fall to his death a step short of scoring.

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Although this is probably all staged, I still dislike it

Long story short: Woman in California buys two Super Bowl tickets from someone living in Florida for just under $5,000 off of a Craigslist ad. FedEx package arrives, containing nothing but a crappy black and white promotional image of the Super Bowl with “Enjoy the game! Go Ravens! LOL.” Butthurt woman somehow manages to do nothing but get the story to go viral on the internet, and Ticketmaster swoops into the rescue and provides her with four, completely free tickets.

I dislike this story very much. And I don’t really believe it’s a real story, and that it’s completely staged by all parties involved.

If it were real, the woman who was screwed out of $5,000 goes all Liam Neeson from Taken on this motherfucker in Florida. She has his phone number, and they allegedly spoke on the phone several times. If it were real, she calls him up and gives him most of the same monologue Liam Neeson gave, with most specifically the part where I will find you, and I will kill you.

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Congraturation, NFL

You were this close to having Super Bowl champions, qb’d by a rapist. You were also close to having Super Bowl hopefuls by one team employing filthy dog murderer, and one team whose coach’s wife is into foot fetish porn. Man, the NFL is full of some fucked up people these days. But regardless, I must say that this year’s Super Bowl was an exciting one, and for a pleasant change of direction, I’m pleased with the outcome. I’ve no beef with the Packers, but despite their being the sixth seed on a technicality, I still would’ve rather have seen the Seahawks pull it off, but I’m not complaining. Rodgers played a fine game, and it turned out to be more exciting than it should’ve been, but at least the good guys won. I very likely would have stopped watching professional football if the Steelers won, thus absolving Ben Rapelisberger of raping chicks, because he’s a hero. Sports are bad with that kind of forgiveness.

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