Baseball’s Dwyane Wade

In short: MLB third baseman Mike Moustakas re-signs with the Kansas City Royals on a one year for $5.5 million dollars

If anyone were to read that line, it doesn’t seem like much of a big deal; grown-ass man getting paid millions of dollars to play a kids game, who cares, fuck that lucky motherfucker, etc, etc.

But it’s the background of the journey that ultimately makes the story as a whole more entertaining, because it’s reveals that it’s the story of a professional athlete who took a gamble on himself, but instead of triumphing in securing a long-term, way-more-multi-million dollar contract, he ends up falling on his face and has to sign for a fraction than he could have made had he not taken the gamble.

2017 was the walk year for Mike Moustakas, which is sports nerd-speak for a professional athlete in the final season of their contracted agreement with the team they play for, before they become a free agent, where they hope to sign a contract with the highest bidder, and secure hundreds of millions of dollars over the span of the next several years. 

Professional athletes have developed this infuriating practice of suppressing their talent until they reach walk years, where they can unleash their full potential at the time in which potential suitors will be watching the most intently, thus creating an inflated sense of demand, and get maximum dollar, before they begin the whole cycle all over again, loafing early in their deals before ramping it back up as they approach free agency again.  All will deny this, but it’s pretty undeniable if people take the time to look at professional statistics and see the blatant correlation with inflated production in the years prior to free agency.

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Ichiro is going to kill someone someday

You heard it here first: Ichiro Suzuki, the baseball player, is going to kill someone.  Be it his wife, his father, his mother, or even himself – there will be death by his hands in some way, shape, or form, one of these days.

ESPN has been getting a lot of praise recently for this story they just dropped about the tumultuous winter of 2017, where the 44-year old Ichiro was not sure whether or not his professional baseball career was over or not.  But because he’s this machine-like creature of habit, trained and conditioned since he was a kid to play baseball, he doesn’t know what else to do, other than train and prepare for the next season, regardless of his employment status or not.  Completely on his own, no less, away from his wife and his parents, whom it’s revealed he has a completely fractured and broken relationship with the dad that put him on the path that made Ichiro into Ichiro.

During the span in which the article is being written, Ichiro is signed by the MLB team in which his career started, the Seattle Mariners, and the prodigal son is returning home, for what is in all likelihood his final season.

But it’s the journey of uncertainty in which Ichiro embarks on that really makes me question his grasp on reality, and paints a picture of a kind of sad existence of a person whom has achieved greatness and immortality in the world of baseball, but is apparently completely out of touch and a total stranger to what the real world outside of baseball is actually like.

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Comparing the White House to Waffle House is an insult to Waffle House

Now I like Saturday Night Live.  No, I’m not going to go on some nostalgic tangent and name drop Mike Myers, Dana Carvey and Tim Meadows and shit, but I can say that I’ve watched a lot of SNL in my life.  I can’t say that I’ve watched that much of it within the last few years because it’s been long since I’ve cut the cord, and haven’t had the capabilities to watch network television in quite some time.

One would also have to be pretty much blind and deaf to the knowledge that throughout the last two years or so, SNL has been absolutely killing it with politico segments, primarily focusing around mocking the guy elected to presidency as well as key members of his administration.  As much as the liberal left bemoans to this day the result of the last election, frankly it could almost be said that nothing could have been better for SNL than what had actually occurred, due to the sheer volume of material now available as a result.

I’ll admit, I think Alec Baldwin’s impersonation is pretty funny, and I get a kick out of the faces he makes upon the completion of statements.  The fact that the elected guy himself addresses each slight and mocking skit on social media just adds to the ownage, and then the cycle repeats itself over and over again.

But taking a jab at Waffle House?  Aw hell naw, son.  That’s too far.

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