I was driving through Georgia Tech campus the other day. It’s a route that is a monumental pain in the ass, but compared to the alternative routes to get on the other side of the connector sometimes, it really is the sad lesser of evils, as opposed to trying to traverse across North, Tenth, or Fourteenth streets. What makes it such a pain in the ass though, is mostly the fact that all across campus, pedestrians have the eternal right of way, and since they’re all a bunch of college fucktards, they’re slow footed, and spaced perfectly apart to where drivers are merciless to stop them from clogging up the roads, allowing buildups of automotive congestion to build up.
This most recent story however, is a little bit of just desserts for the sadistic. I was two cars removed from the front of the long line of cars waiting to get through a three-way intersection, before the next wave of pedestrians began crossing the street to clog up the road a bit longer. Tailing them all was a typical douchebag* looking bicyclist, who smugly pedaled across the intersection, and then suddenly, he stopped. He bent over, and I couldn’t see what he was doing, other than stalling in the middle of the intersection, and making us cars have to wait even longer. Expletives flew from my lips, before I saw him walking his bicycle onto the sidewalk, where it was revealed that one of his bike pedals had inexplicably fallen off.
Hahahahaha. What a loser. That’s what he gets for being a bicycle douche.
In other news, the guy that sits behind me at work; he annoys the fuck out of me sometimes. Aside from hearing the occasional wah-story about how close to the heart he’s living and just how poor he is, raising two kids, and with little talents other than technical illustrating, I’m convinced that either nobody taught him how to eat like an adult growing up, or he’s well aware of how obnoxious his eating habits are.
Seriously, almost every day, he sits at his desk and eats an apple, taking the largest, loudest bites he can possibly manage. It’s like listening to fucking horse eat and chew apples, carrots or other course, hard foods. Same with chips; occasionally he goes somewhere and brings back chips, and crunches them, making as much noise as possible.
But the worst is, and this is me eating some crow here, are the fucking Corn Nuts. I love Corn Nuts. They’re delicious. But everyone I know hates when I eat them, because they’re literally like eating teeth, and they look like them too. Thanks to this blowhard,* I understand why my friends can’t stand when I eat them. And when being eaten by a mouth-breather like this bald loser, it’s like listening to a cement-mixer trying to grind and swish gravel.
I have to turn on some pretty hardcore shit on my iPod to come close to drowning it out. Motherfucker.
*Word did not auto-correct or designate “douchebag” or “blowhard” as incorrect, hahaha
