I finished the race in __:__:__, because I didn’t bother to check nor wait for the time results to update before it got so cold that my company and I opted to leave.
I had two flags left (out of three). I was unaware that I had two, since I was convinced that a zombie had gotten my second one in the same area where I lost my first one, so I played the entire second half of the race as if I had one flag left; very defensively, and took my dear sweet time in order to conserve energy for dodging zombies as not to lose my last flag.
Although I successfully made it through the entire race with flags intact, designating me a “survivor,” I’m not going to boast about how I owned this event, and how I made a bunch of zombies look like Lucy and Ethel, bumbling around trying to catch me, because that’s certainly far from how it went. I was very lucky to survive, and I was very unprepared. Really unprepared.
Let’s start from the beginning.
My buddies picked me up at 10:30 a.m. in order to get to the grounds nice and early for our 1:00 p.m. wave. Three miles before getting to the parking lot, we hit a veritable wall of traffic, all cars obviously headed in the same direction we were headed. After all, the event was supposedly boasting about their planned attendance of at least 10,000 attendees. Clearly in the process, the event either didn’t, or had someone inadequate for logistical duties, because long story short, the traffic to get to just the parking lot was a nightmare; nobody was going to get to run in their designated wave on time.
It was a little after 1:00 p.m. by the time we got into the parking lot. Which also was a rock and mud nightmare, to which I’m guessing there are going to be many, many cars that are going to be having some mechanical issues in coming days, weeks, and months from the constant bottoming out and rocks scratching at their undercarriages, and in some cases, ripping off the splash guards on some unfortunate vehicles.
To put it bluntly, the logistics of the event was a complete disaster. I’m betting that there is going to be monumental criticism towards the event in the wake of all the stuck cars, damaged cars, shitty parking lot, and long traffic, but I chalk it up to it being the inaugural event, which warrants somewhat of a pass, and as long as I got to run and participate in the event itself, I can look beyond the logistics. The only genuine gripe I had with the traffic was mostly due to the fact that such failures led to my boy Ruis and Jen from participating in the event, due to evening engagements. Hopefully other people will be able to look beyond the logistical fail like I am and possible enjoyed themselves at the event itself.
Anyway, after more lines and more walking, we eventually made it to the race grounds. It was a festive atmosphere in spite of the cold and dreary, muddy campgrounds, and there was no shortage of people wearing costumes, in organized groups, or other creative means of participation. cheetos and I equipped our bibs and flag belts, and got into line. Eventually we started.
The event advertised twelve obstacles that would need to be traversed. To my count, I only recall eleven:
- Bales of hay to climb over
- “The Terrible Tubes” which were about as terrible as finding that the milk’s expiration date is only one day past
- Rope ladder
- Climbing the wall with wooden planks
- Hay bale maze
- Super gigantic steep muddy hill
- The lake that was apparently too high to safely allow runners to traverse so we all ran around it
- Lame wooden vestibule with just a strobe light and no zombies in it
- Up and overs
- Pool filled with four feet of freezing cold muddy water
- The final fence that I thought we had to climb over but actually got to slip and slide through the mud under it instead
With the exception of the super gigantic steep muddy hill, the obstacles are not the most difficult thing about the race altogether. I guess it should come as no surprise, but it’s the zombies. Although there were supposed to be slow zombies, as well as fast zombies, it seemed more like it was one slow zombie for every eleven fast zombies. So there were a lot of fast zombies.
They were aggressive about pursuing flags, and the nature conditions made good evasive maneuvers impossible to perform at some points. Furthermore, the event was notorious for placing the waves of zombies to avoid right after obstacles, or when runners might be at their most fatigued; don’t get me wrong, this is all so very appropriate, but mostly it exposed just how physically unprepared I was for the event overall.
Running two times a day accomplishes nothing. The obstacles aren’t nearly as physically taxing as the adrenaline-filled task of getting around a zombie trying to take your flags while it’s muddy, slippery, and more often than not un-level ground. A wave of them necessitates a hard sprint along with whatever small evasive maneuvers can be done. Sprinting repeatedly tires anyone out, most certainly including me.
Needless to say, I burned out a few times, and it was difficult to regain my breath a lot of the time. I found myself gasping for air at times, and to be honest, my throat is still kind of scratchy and congest-y due to all the hard labored breathing at some points earlier.
cheetos kind of chalked it up to the event being an obstacle run, like the Spartan runs or Tough Mudder. I’m afraid that I kind of have to disagree. Now I don’t doubt for a second that both of those are infinitely tougher in terms of overall difficulty, but neither of those events puts the pressure of a challenge like keeping a flag belt intact versus people dressed as zombies in them additionally. Honestly, aside from the gigantic hill, the obstacles weren’t that bad. What was the most taxing was all the evasion and sprinting necessary to retain your flags, in between obstacles, where as in other obstacle runs, stabilized jogging can be done in order to catch your breath.
So how did I manage to keep two of my flags? Mostly luck. Some guile, some actual good evasive maneuvers, but it was still mostly luck. Just because a zombie pursued me didn’t mean I automatically lost a flag, I in fact did have to do a lot of sprinting run and jumping, and a few head fake and dekes to get around some of them. Sometimes they plain biffed on getting any of my flags. The one zombie that got my only loss, and the one I swore got my second one, were relentless and pursued laterally and vertically.
Sometimes, I took advantage of the fact that one zombie can only pursue one person, and used the masses to capitalize on getting through a wave, while letting others be my meat shields to pursuing zombies. Granted, there was still some mass confusion in differentiating between zombie and humans, but apparently I was quick witted enough to still get through unscathed. At one point, cheetos and I approached a solitary zombie in a narrow area, and straight up waited for a wave of runners to approach before plowing through.
But overall, I was lucky. I was lucky to remain inconspicuous enough to where the zombies didn’t decide to target me for the most part. I was lucky that my second and third flags were shifted and slid and moved around on my flag belt to the point where I didn’t even realize that I had a second flag remaining; it was apparently hanging off my backside, like a tail, while the one I was protecting was right in front of my dick. Seriously, I’m very much aware that the zombies are still human volunteers, and guy or girl, nobody wants to risk grabbing too fervently at a complete stranger’s dick.
cheetos wasn’t as lucky. Apparently looking all studly as he sometimes can, zombies apparently relished the opportunity to challenge him, and as much as it would have been sweet for the both of us to have survived, it wasn’t in the cards for him. They often pursued him more than pursuing me.
But in the end, “surviving” or “dying” is irrelevant, because completing Run For Your Lives is a gratifying, accomplishing feeling regardless. In terms of “distance,” it’s just a 3.1 mile 5K, but I promise that no other 5K in the world is like this one, and as far as I’m concerned, is nowhere near as exhausting or physically taxing.
Overall, my feelings for the event are slightly mixed, but leaning towards positive. The suspect selection of zombie volunteers caused my Korean brother to lose some money and a likely good time, which I don’t forget. The logistics and the fact that it did force two of my friends to non-participation really sucks, but if the event is understanding, accommodating, and most importantly refunds their money, it’ll be okay. But the run itself, and the atmosphere and setting were a lot of fun.
Would I do it again? You betcha. I’m already registered for the Georgia run in March 2012, but that’s another story. But this experience in fuckingMaryland is invaluable for future participation. I know for a fact that conventional training doesn’t necessarily apply to this kind of event, and that I need to adjust accordingly, as well as let my accompanying participants be aware of what to possibly expect.
But overall, it was positive. I didn’t bother sticking around cold and wet to get a chance at seeing Richard and Sal from the Howard Stern Show, but I wish I did stick around to soak in the atmosphere and see what the Apocalypse Party was like, if it still happened, with the timing issues.
But to also be perfectly frank, I’m glad it’s over. All the anxiety of the unknown was making me stir-crazy. Back to the regularly scheduled programming, I guess. Pictures to soon come.
