The No-Starbucks Chronicles

On May 14, 2014, something tragic happened: the Starbucks near my office that I went to on a daily basis closed down.  For renovations, but the point remains that my daily coffee ritual was derailed completely by this development.

Since then, it’s been a daily challenge in trying to find a suitable replacement to my need for caffeine, and I gone from energy drinks, K-cups, to other places’ coffees.  The Starbucks is tentatively scheduled to be open again in July, although I’m not going to hold my breath.

The following was my daily chronicling of what I drank each day instead of Starbucks, and in a few rare instances, I got some reprieve:

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The next two months are going to suck

The Starbucks I go to every morning when I go to work has closed down for renovations.  They estimate that they will be back open in July.

This is pretty much the worst news I’ve heard in my entire life and I am legitimately upset over this recent development.

Honestly, I don’t really know what to do moving forward.  I can handle the interruption of my morning ritual, but I can’t handle the denial of a consistent delivery of caffeine.  As much as I may bitch and whine about all the students and corporate stiffs who get there before I do and plug up the lines, I’ve literally gone to this Starbucks almost every single work day, and quite a few weekend days that I’ve happened to be in the neighborhood.  I can probably count on one hand how many work days in which I did not go to Starbucks.

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The perils of hesitation

In this photograph are 243 empty tall cups of Starbucks coffee.  This has accumulated in about roughly a year’s worth of weekdays in which I went to work and had a coffee in the morning.  This excludes any day in which I redeemed my frequent-buyer free drinks, in which I’d get the venti-sized of something way more expensive and potent than a single tall cup of drip coffee.

But the point is, 243 cups of coffee equates to roughly $432.54, and this is over the span of a year, give or take a month.

Recently, Starbucks released a limited edition steel Starbucks card, complete with laser etched artwork.  It cost $450 to get one, which sounds worse than it is, because it comes pre-loaded with $400, which means that you’re essentially paying $50 for a steel card.  I don’t often know what I ever want, but I felt a very strong compulsion to getting one of these steel cards.

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Five packets of raw sugar into 12 ounces of coffee

As I poured half and half and one Splenda into my own 12 ounces of coffee, my first thought was that eventually, this man was going to rudely reach across and grab for the half and half when I am done.  Like the social troll I can sometimes be, I took my sweet time pouring the usual excess coffee out for all my dead homies, and prepping it the way I like it before relinquishing the oft-demanded half and half.

This man didn’t at all seem the least bit concerned about the half and half because I realized that he was in the midst of ripping open his third packet of raw sugar, and pouring it into his coffee.  He repeated this action twice more while I stirred and re-lidded my own drink before heading back to the office.

I know the raw sugar isn’t as sweet as processed sugar, but essentially what it does to your body is about the same.  Five packets of sugar?  Into a small coffee?  That can’t be normal.

On another note, I just realized that this is my 500th brog post.  What better way to ring in a substantial number than talking about retards?

I like coffee, if you haven’t heard

This is my actual desk at work right now.  I have not been working at this place for just 56 days, it’s certainly been much longer.  I used to have a different cup sculpture up, but it was during a time in which I would get a size of coffee depending on how much caffeine I needed.  But then I realized that I could just get a small coffee, and go back for as many refills I needed, if any at all.  Plus, I’m a stickler for symmetry, so I started this when I started just getting smalls on a regular basis.  Naturally, this is interrupted by weekends, and on rare occasions where I use a coupon or something, and get the biggest size they have.  And I do not accept the cups of others, there are all cups that I emptied myself.

I have a disturbing feeling that the winter holiday red cups will cease to be used at an inopportune time which will necessitate a reconfiguration in order to maintain a symmetrical appearance.  But whatever, the show must go on.

Holiday tradition

Jews have Chinese food on Christmas.  I have Waffle House.

As depressing and desolate as the imagery of Waffle House on a dreary, rainy Christmas afternoon is, believe it or not, it’s one of the things I most looked forward to doing on this day.  Two years in a row now.

I got a Keurig coffee maker today.  I’m on my second cup of coffee now.  Weekends and non-working days will never be the same again, but for the better.  No more no-coffee headaches, as long as I have K-cups.

Merry Christmas, everyone out there.