The anatomically impossible boots

When I saw these boots on eBay, I thought “man, I should get these boots. They’d be great for all the times I’ve said I wanted to dress up as a wrestler at Dragon*Con or Halloween time.” So I purchased them; after all, they were only like $40 bucks, and would make a perfect accessory for a jokey costume or be the missing component for any belt-wearing wrestling outfit.

So when the boots arrived, I was super excited and pretty much put everything on hold after I got home from work until I tried them on. I put my right foot into the boot, and found it to be an adequate fit; slightly tight, but I figured after wearing them a little and a break-in period, that they’d be just fine. So then I attempted to lace the boot up, and that’s when the honeymoon ended.

Pictured to the right is my leg in the boot. The foot fits just adequately, as mentioned above. However, everything else, not so much. Not even close. The boot is laced as tightly as they can possibly be, and every lace and loop is tightened as much as they can.

If I had another right leg and didn’t have a foot on it, the stump would fit like a glove in the extra space that the leg of the boot provides.

“Not even close” doesn’t even come close to describing these boots.

“Not even seemingly humanly anatomically possible”, seems more accurate.

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