Like the subject says, I haven’t really felt like there’s been a lot to write about. It’s times like these when I sit down and try to clear out all the noise in the world and in my head and just see what happens when I open up a Word doc and just start typing.
Usually, I surf a large variety of news sites, local and worldly to see if anything piques my interest. Then it devolves into sports sites and op-ed outlets, just to see if there’s anything that triggers any sort of writable tangent. Failing any of that, it’s the happenings in my own fairly ordinary and nondescript life, wondering if there’s anything worth talking about, or anything I actually want to put something down into writing.
My life, hasn’t been particularly interesting for a while. My days and weeks consist of the same things often, and I’m occasionally fretting over the fact that I feel like I don’t make enough money which kind of puts a damper on some of my ambitions when it comes to things I want to do, or travels I want to indulge in. I think about spending habits, spending plans and how to shave down the credit card debt that I’ve built back up throughout the moving process, and it frequently feels like an endless cycle that just chews up time and often doesn’t actually pan out like it should.
Like in my current state, I feel like I’d need like 6-8 months to really wipe out a lot of my debt while not having to starve in the process. I’m sure that some additional sacrifices could be made to reduce my costs a little further, but it just doesn’t feel like it would be enough to warrant the inconveniences. But really though, 6-8 months? That’s literally from half to two-thirds of an entire year. I’m not getting any younger, and the whole concept of getting older is another can of worms that has been on my mind increasingly these days, and I just feel like if I made more money outright, things might improve for the better, overall.
But then I feel like I’m kind of in a rut where my skillset doesn’t command as much money as I hope it would, and I give a lot of contemplation to my own career. I really like where I work and the team I’m on and the people I work with, but again, money. I make enough to pay my mortgage and pay my bills, but with the new house, I’m also paying more for a mortgage than I have before, and it’s still an adjustment knowing how much of a larger percentage of my incoming funds are going right back out the door paying for my property.
And we can’t talk about money and not talk about the correlation with time, and then the endless debate of money versus time. I certainly value my time, and often times more than money, but at the same time, there are certain things that cannot be accomplished without the need for money. And then it rotates in this perpetual cycle of feeling like I have enough of either, and then I begin to wonder if I may be bordering on the lines of a slight depression. Which is a maybe.
It would be nice to just win a substantial lottery. That just might actually make things improve for the better, contrary to the notions that huge influxes of money have accomplished in ruining several people out there.
But really, I can’t really complain that much about my life in some regards. My life itself isn’t at all terrible, aside from the fairly minor gripes I have that I’m not unaware that there are worse people out there that would love to have my gripes versus their own more substantial issues.
I think I feel like what drags me down is my empathy for others, to where I always feel like the problems of others become problems for me. I don’t think it’s untrue either, because there are people out there that are close to me going through some rough patches, and I feel helpless that there’s nothing that either I or anyone else can seemingly do about them, and I empathize for their sadness and grief with my own. Obviously, I won’t get into the business of others, but they are substantial problems, and I’ve come to the realization of the increasing difficulties of life that come with getting older, and that things just might not get better any time soon for the people all around me.
And that’s not even taking into consideration the shitty cesspool of a world we live in, full of rotten corrupt people, politicians, terrorists and mentally deranged people who somehow all seem to have way too large caches of firearms.
Continue reading “Writing when it feels like there’s not a lot to write about”