I remember having a conversation with some friends about the progression of the television industry, and how television today is going down the route of individual network apps with trying to give people the long-awaited ability to pick and choose the things they want to watch, a la carte. Somewhere along the conversation came the question that if we could only have one network to watch, what would it be?
Unconsciously, I said TLC. Didn’t even hesitate to say it. And I guess because it’s true, that if I had to be limited to watching a single network, the endless train car of train wreck shows would have to be it, since wrestling and sports do eventually get repetitive, nature shows have too much overlap and recycling and David Attenborough isn’t going to live forever to narrate them all, and if I had to pick between trash-fiction and trash-reality, I’m going with TLC.
Well, in a rare wish come true, I recently discovered that TLC actually does have their own network app now: TLC Go. Granted, it’s only available on platforms such as Roku or AppleTV, or via Android or iOS, which kind of inhibits the ability to watch on XBOX or PissNetwork, but I have the capability of still being able to take advantage of its existence.
But it’s pretty much exactly how a network app should be; just about every TLC show from My 600 Lb. Life, Extreme Cheapskates, My Fat Saved My Life to Little People, Big World, are available to watch on demand. I will say that I’m disappointed that they don’t have entire episode libraries, but I guess that makes sense for the titles that have lasted longer than others, and I will also say that it’s disheartening the sheer number of commercials that they inject into programming, but ultimately, it’s still nice to be able to watch and catch up on TLC train wrecks, at my schedule, and not necessarily at home, where I’ve already begun the process of cutting the cord, and ditching the dish.
Naturally, the one show I beelined for once settling in, was 90 Day Fiance, which is probably the crown jewel of TLC train wrecks. I “enjoyed” all three seasons, and I was delighted to know that I could use the app to catch up with season 4, which I apparently missed in its entirety, since I’d fallen so behind on television in general, watching everything streaming, with no commercials or ads to inundate me.
And so far, season 4 is much of the same as the prior seasons, except I would have to say that just about every couple has at least one insufferable personality that you want to see fail, but you know that after three prior seasons of defied failures, they’ll succeed in regulation, only to fail a little later, off-camera. But the Russian chick is a vapid leech whose face is permanently in the :3 emote, the Florida girl with the Moroccan guy is basically this season’s Danielle and Mohamed but younger and stupider, the chick from Atlanta is a spoiled idiot princess, and the big black chick with her catfisherman Nigerian prince are completely incapable of being cared about.
Yet I’m still watching, because I can’t get enough of this fucking show.
And speaking of Danielle and Mohamed, much like it was game-changing when the Final Fantasy franchise started making direct sequels to individual games, TLC clearly realized the allure and potential to continue to dip back into the well that can keep on giving, and instead of a one-off “where are they now” update on previous 90 Day couples, created the Happily Ever After series, which is basically more episodes of the show, but more of the aftermath; the sweet, sweet, carnage aftermaths. Sure, they check in with prior couples like Russ/Paola and Kyle/Noon, but let’s be real here, the only draw of the show is Danielle and Mohamed.
And so far from what I’ve watched, the spillover from the original series onto social media that allegedly wrecked their marriage in the first place, has somehow spilled over back onto television, as Happily Ever After seems to be chronicling the plight-adventures of Mohamed as he seeks freedom and separation from Danielle, her family and Norwalk, Ohio, without losing his green card and ability to stay in the United States. He clearly doesn’t seem to understand how green cards work, but it’s still entertaining to see him futilely try to pawn his marriage to Danielle as not being a sham and more or less being a dumbass in a foreign country.
Needless to say, I’ve watched all of Westworld, Luke Cage, and have remained up-to-date with The Walking Dead. The college football season is pretty much over for me. I need things to watch on my downtime, and TLC has risen to the occasion and has given me a litany of terrible television to watch; at my own leisure.
TLC Go is a gift from the heavens.
