The one that could generate EMPs. Not because I want to cripple the electric-powered functionality of my adversaries and those whom I want to put in their places.
To clarify, I wish I were that Kaiju from Pacific Rim that could generate EMPs, but really small, concentrated ones that I could use to cripple the phones of nearby people, who are doing some dumbass behavior with them, mainly stuff that distracts them from common sense, spatial awareness or just plain inconveniencing people around them, namely me.
I’d love to pop an EMP on the dumbass lady who always seems to be in front of me at the really, really short left turn light, who always seems to be paralyzed by her phone, and by the time she reacts and makes her turn, the light turns red and bones over a line of drivers in which at least 3-4 could’ve made the light with a more vigilant lead car.
I’d love to pop an EMP on the parade of shitters who come into my gym solely to use the bathroom to poop, since they all seem to collectively think it’s their private commode. It’s worse off when they flush the toilet while I’m in the shower, because despite how modern of a building it is, it still has the dated pipes that make the shower water scalding upon a flush, and since it’s automated, some of the shit-filled choads will get it to flush 2-3 times while I’m trying to wash up after an actual workout.
But then the lady in the car holding up traffic, her car would ultimately fry out, making things worse, and it would be my fault.
But then the clowns of indigestion in my gym bathroom will have the automatic flushers go haywire on them, and then the toilets won’t flush and the locker room will smell like turds, and it would be my fault.
Okay, so let’s be very specific here, I really wish I were the kaiju from Pacific Rim who could generate EMPs, but very, very specific EMPs that affect only cell phones of others. Because in addition to being an 80ft tall colossal monster that could destroy everything in my path, it would be pretty baller to be able to pinpoint snipe and take out the cell phones of shitheads that are a little too married to their phones.
To make the world a better place, of course.
