I had an awesome dream the other night.  I was the Tank.  No, not I was the one in control of the Tank, I WAS the Tank.  A big, hulking zombie, impervious to large quantities of ammunition, and at least nine blows from frying pans, night sticks, katanas and baseball bats.

As the Tank, I terrorized a group of four survivors, and I chased them around, attempting to kill them.  Like the skilled L4D player that I am, I was smarter than your average Tank, it was only a matter of time before I could overwhelm them.

One by one, the survivors fell, and I can’t recall how I was killing them, except that one of them was Dragon Punched to the moon.  After the third one fell, I stomped around what appeared to be an office building, much like the one in the No Mercy campaign, unable to find the fourth survivor.

Eventually, using my Tank vision, I could see the silhouette of the fourth survivor, and it appeared that they were in hiding, since they weren’t moving.  I rumbled my way to the location of the fourth survivor, and I came to the realization that their silhouette was underneath my feet.  Like the freezer exploit in the game, the survivor was safe from harm, despite my massive arm swinging through the polygons.

And then suddenly, I realized that I could hear the fourth survivor.  Since we were still in gaming land essentially, I could hear the conversations that the hiding player was having with her fallen teammates;  about how I “fell” for the glitch.  And naturally, one of the teammates was unaware of said glitch, and unbeknownst to them that I could hear them, the fourth explained that she was technically above me, but the glitch made her silhouette register underneath her, fooling me, the Tank.

So with this new knowledge in hand, I jumped up and swiped towards the ceiling, hearing the gratifying sound of fist on flesh.  Suddenly the silhouette went from green to yellow, and then yellow to red, as I began to weaken her with each swipe.  Over the sound channels, she was cursing and explaining her shock at me exploiting her cheat.  With my last swipe, the ceiling collapsed, and an incapacitated naked girl fell out.  Don’t know why she was naked, but oh well.

I grabbed the girl in my massive Tank hand, and squeezed her torso as she writhed in humiliation.  And then I delicately reached into a coffee mug on one of the office desks in the surrounding area, and retrieved an orange Sharpie marker.  With the naked girl struggling and fighting to free herself, I popped the top of the marker, and in big capital letters, I wrote on her midriff:

O W N E D

I woke up from the dream happy and amused.